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Original poster

Class difference - if you're posh

413 replies

2022bebetter · 29/12/2021 20:48

Posh people of MN, help me!

I have married into a very posh family. Not titled posh, but public school. DH and his brothers all lovely.

Sister, MIL and SIL clearly look down on me.

I know I shouldn't care and it's their problem etc but I feel so embarrassed when I clearly get stuff 'wrong'.

SIL in particular, will never correct me but quite often say 'I could never do xx, so tacky / common' knowing full well it's something I do! Most recently I have learnt that I say garage 'wrong'.

Wherever we go, they always dress so similar and I get it 'wrong'.

Obviously the easiest tip is not to care, but any advice from posh MNetters would be so gratefully received.

OP posts:
minipie · 30/12/2021 00:11

@RingBinderInjury

Fuck me. Charger plates and garahhge.

These people aren’t posh OP.

This
MaybeHeIsMyCat · 30/12/2021 00:15

Judging people and making them feel awkward isn't classy to start with!

I had someone the other day (I work in customer services) correct my grammar because I said "can I take your postcode?"
Instead of "may I take your postcode?"
He spoke to me like I was a 16yo fresh out of school with no qualifications resisted saying I went to private school, have a degree and did a level English thank you very much and I just thought what a dick Grin

5thnonblonde · 30/12/2021 00:15

Tbh everyone I know who is actually posh is desperate to tell everyone about how their grandfather was basically just a miner/dock worker/farmer (likely in mines/docks/farmland they ducking OWNED mind) and how their family wealth is definitely fair won spoils of honest graft not the obvious result of centuries of nepotism

MaybeHeIsMyCat · 30/12/2021 00:16

I should add on the other hand when I speak to the really really well off (royals etc) they're absolutely lovely

user1471521310 · 30/12/2021 00:18

Ah yes but you don't change who you are, and that is the answer!!

YouokHun · 30/12/2021 00:19

I am posh in the old money sense: no money Grin and come from a titled family (though I am not privately educated which is a bit disconcerting for some). I may be “posh” but it’s not for me or my kind to say what is the “right” way to speak, label things, behave etc. Nor does the accident of my birth give me the right to decide the value of others, and I can think of nothing more tiresome than spending time with petty snobs channelling their inner Hyacinth Bucket.

I know it’s hard not to feel uncomfortable but their way is not the “right” way simply because they had an expensive education and say napkin instead of serviette (or whatever their current measure of human worth is). You must find a way to proudly be your authentic self which appears to be vastly superior to these silly fuckers. If you can’t tell them to fuck off (the preferred option) could you gentle but firmly take the piss, “garridge … sorry, how should I pronounce it if I want to give off a second rate public school vibe?”.

Oh, and it’s not posh to say “garrrrarrrge”, we just say “coach house” Grin

Luredbyapomegranate · 30/12/2021 00:42

They sound like total idiots, and his sister very insecure. (NB - Posh people say garridge and charger plates are naff.)

If you want to know the rules so you can break them (and enjoy breaking them) then I would… buy Debretts most recent guide to etiquette, go on an etiquette course to get to grips with table settings and other basics - there are a few, debretts do them which should be quite reliable. I’d also get something old fashioned like the Sloane ranger handbook - it’s out of date but will give you some useful basics like pudding not dessert etc. Take out a sub to Tatler and Harper’s - the former is awful but you will pick stuff up, also the Spectator and the telegraph. Do a style course (some of the etiquette places run them) or use an in house stylist so you know how people usually dress then you can decide how you want to.

I do see why to want to know what the rules are, but I hope having learned them and feeling confident you will cheerily break them.

Feelingoood · 30/12/2021 00:47

My chum has a title and she smokes and swears like a trooper.
My other chum is dead posh and goes out of his way to make everyone feel at ease and interesting. That’s class and posh in my book.
People that try too hard are, well, common. They sound like the ugly sisters!

BobbieT1999 · 30/12/2021 00:51

Oh. Does no-one say: ge- rahge ?

UserBot99 · 30/12/2021 00:56

The way most English people say garage is so long-drawn out and ridiculous. Keep it short. Garaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaage. Give me strength.

GARedge

5thnonblonde · 30/12/2021 00:58

@BobbieT1999 I say Gay-raigh-jee

Notbeforemycoffeeplease · 30/12/2021 01:05

OP the irony here is that you seem to have far more class than the people you’re worried about. Social status means nothing if you don’t know how to treat people. I can completely understand how hard it must be to feel looked down upon but believe me, this only speaks volumes about them, not you. Your husband loves you, just ignore these losers.

Spudbitch · 30/12/2021 01:06

Sorry but garage is garridge and to pick u up on something as pathetic as that is incredibly petty and bitchy. Please stop thinking you are not as good as them as you clearly do.. Why should you want to learn how to be like them snobby bitchy nasty little bitches who need a good slap. Next time pick them up on it. Call them out ask them why they are trying to make fun of your accent and why they think they are right and you are wrong stop being polite and tell them they are not better than you and they need to stop looking down their noses at people who are slightly different from themselves.

BobbieT1999 · 30/12/2021 01:08

@5thnonblonde oh, our chauffeur's been mispronounced it dreadfully then!!

BobbieT1999 · 30/12/2021 01:09

*mispronouncing

Clearly my autocorrect is just as bad!

EveningOverRooftops · 30/12/2021 01:09

They’re all fur coat and no knickers op

immersivereader · 30/12/2021 01:15

God I'd have to take the piss out of them, majorly.

'Spoken to Megan recently??'
'Is it a napkin or a serviette??'
'How does one hold this frigging fork??'

Etc etc

immersivereader · 30/12/2021 01:16

Pleased don't try and be something you're not, op. It never works.

Lolamento · 30/12/2021 01:24

Basically they may be social climbers and unhappy about your husband choosing you. That spoilt their plans. You are feeling like you prefer to fit in. I would say if you wish to change go for it. People always should try to change to what they want to be but only because you want to not because of them.

nettie434 · 30/12/2021 02:03

and it’s not posh to say “garrrrarrrge”, we just say “coach house”

That is an excellent riposte YouokHun Grin It reminds me of the Conservative MP and diarist, Alan Clarke's, comment about Michael Hestletine that he had bought his own furniture, rather than inheriting it.

2022bebetter, I agree with everyone that your MIL and SILs are snobs who are clearly influenced too much by etiquette books written decades ago. I had never even heard of charger plates. Surely they were invented by china manufactures who, not content with making money from people who felt they needed matching soup tureens, finger bowls etc, invented a whole new type of plate that did not even get used for food?

I remember the Queen using a sword to cut a cake during the G7 summit in Cornwall. My tip to you is to ask where the family sword is next time MIL and SILs take out their cake stands and pastry forks as this is clearly the posh thing to do.

1forAll74 · 30/12/2021 02:36

They sound awful and not posh, but pretentious, and not gifted with good manners. Don't be bothered about them. just laugh about them.

occa · 30/12/2021 02:55

@ChickenyChick

Well, you can just smile to yourself in the knowledge they are just wannabes, and actually quite "common" themselves Wink

All the "proper" UC/titled people I have met through work and DH (I am council estate background myself) would try very hard to NOT act superior.

Basically, if you'd drink from the finger bowl, they'd all have a sip from theirs so as not to make you feel you'd done something wrong. That's what the Queen would do, I'm sure Grin

So just don't worry and don't try. They are the ones in the wrong and with a distinct lack of class.

Can confirm that is what the Queen would do Grin

My granny and parents were at a dinner with her once where the first course was soup and when it was brought out everyone suddenly realized the soup spoons had been left off the place settings. Apparently the Queen didn't miss a beat, just nabbed her pudding spoon and ate her soup with that. Everyone followed suit, but the hostess was pretty mortified and got teased for ages afterwards.

readingismycardio · 30/12/2021 05:48

People who are truly 'posh' don't comment on other people's actions/clothing/activities.

MrsFizziwig · 30/12/2021 05:55

You will never please them so don't even try.
If it were me I would do the exact opposite and exaggerate my "common-ness".

MrsFizziwig · 30/12/2021 05:57

@BobbieT1999

Oh. Does no-one say: ge- rahge ?
Americans say that.