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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not visiting boyfriend in hospital ...

134 replies

louloulemmonnnn · 29/12/2021 16:29

My boyfriend is in hospital and has been since yesterday due to his asthma.
He is getting out in the morning.
I had my booster yesterday and feel dreadful today.
Feel sick /shivering/really tired and just generally awful.

He wants me to go visit him tonight as he said he is lonely ( he only went in at 9 pm last night and is being discharged tomorrow lunch time)
He wants me to take him chocolate .

He is making me feel really guilty but I honestly feel awful and when I stand up feel so lightheaded.
I don't drive so will have to walk into town (15 mins ) then get the bus which takes 35 mins to get to the hospital then same on the way home.
It's blowing a Gale and chucking it down.
I asked could I call him instead considering he is getting out tomorrow and is now absolutely fine.
He went in a huff and said if I loved him I would be going in.

Aibu not going?
Shall I just go?
Taxis would cost around £50-£60 return
I'm treating him to a meal out tomorrow and have paid for the Chinese for nye
Also I'm going into town tomorrow to get things to make him a nice breakfast on nye.

Aibu ?

OP posts:
Funnylittlefloozie · 29/12/2021 16:31

You'd be mad to do it, especially given that you don't drive. You're not well, its getting dark and cold - just, no! Can you send him some chocolate via JustEat or something?

Scrabblecrabapple · 29/12/2021 16:32

You don’t go into hospital to visit someone when you are Ill ffs. Especially not on an asthma ward. What is he thinking!

Original poster
louloulemmonnnn · 29/12/2021 16:33

@Scrabblecrabapple I'm only I'll off the booster,it's not an actual bug or anything so not sure if that makes a difference

OP posts:
KittenCatcher · 29/12/2021 16:34

Or course you shouldn't go in.

Iloveacurry · 29/12/2021 16:34

God he’s being a baby. You’re not feeling well and he’s going home tomorrow. What a man-child.

Original poster
louloulemmonnnn · 29/12/2021 16:34

Last time he was in I took him sandwiches /coke/snacks every day but it was summer and daylight so was okay ...
I think he assumed I would be up today too.

OP posts:
TooWicked · 29/12/2021 16:37

He said if I loved him I would be going in.

The best response to that would be “I’ve told you I’m unwell, you know it’s a long journey for me to get there, if you loved me you wouldn’t expect me to come in”.

KittenCatcher · 29/12/2021 16:38

Well he is wrong, if he wants chocolate he can go to the machine.

BillMasheen · 29/12/2021 16:39

Sympathy. My DH has had a history of overnight hospital admissions for non life threatening stuff.

We have small kids and live in the arse end of nowhere. He sulks and strops if I don’t visit. This is the 8—9 pm visiting hours, an hour away from home, hospital with minimal parking in a dodgy inner city area. No public transport. With primary aged kids. For someone who wil be discharged the next day.

Tbh COVID visiting protocols have been a great help. Shuts that shit right down. I’d be surprised if you are even allowed to visit at the moment.

Original poster
louloulemmonnnn · 29/12/2021 16:39

I mentioned the machine or the lady that goes around with the tea trolly (if that's still a thing) but he said he left his wallet at home (even tho he paid for taxi ) so not an option

OP posts:
VillanellesOrangeCoat · 29/12/2021 16:40

YADNBU! And what does he hope to achieve with the emotional blackmail bullshit?!

Happycamper78 · 29/12/2021 16:40

Most hospitals are not allowing visitors due to Covid? He should be thinking of you too. He can chocolate from a vending machine. If he moans tell him not to be so selfish!

Whatifitallgoesright · 29/12/2021 16:40

There will be a shop in the hospital. If he's getting out tomorrow morning he's surely well enough to walk down a few corridors and cope with a lift journey.

Original poster
louloulemmonnnn · 29/12/2021 16:41

@BillMasheen oh that's awful for you too.
Visiting is allowed at my local hospital but you have to show your covid pass and do a lateral flow before you go.
Appointments have to be booked and they are only a hour long ...only time left is 7pm -8pm too if I go tonight

OP posts:
saltandherbsandnothingnice · 29/12/2021 16:41

It's a loving and polite no. Good opportunity to set some firm boundaries as it seems they are needed. "I would love if i could but I just dont feel well enough - sorry love! I'll phone you later."

Original poster
louloulemmonnnn · 29/12/2021 16:42

Well there's a shop downstairs but he said he doesn't have his wallet

OP posts:
Somebodylikeyew · 29/12/2021 16:42

Also, you don’t KNOW you’re only feeling rubbish cos of the booster.

PizzasPlease · 29/12/2021 16:42

I'd seriously be liking him a little less and reconsidering the meal and treats.
I know he's not been well but he doesn't sound very nice and is being very selfish.
Illness aside would be have made a special effort for new year for you?

Original poster
louloulemmonnnn · 29/12/2021 16:43

@Somebodylikeyew that is very true,I do hope it's just the booster.
I did a lateral flow this morning and it was negative so fingers crossed.

OP posts:
Somebodylikeyew · 29/12/2021 16:43

If he’s got his phone he could probably use ApplePay in the shop if its a WH Smith/Costa or similar?

NemosPoorlyFinn · 29/12/2021 16:43

I'm really surprised the hospital is allowing visitors
I had a hospital stay at the end of October for 5 days and wasn't allowed any visitors during that time (like everyone else on the ward)
My sister could only drop things off at the ward door for me

Original poster
louloulemmonnnn · 29/12/2021 16:44

Probably not....he has been miserable as hell lately and grumpy (he is on 8 steroids a day ) for his breathing
So I've let him off with his grumpiness and moodiness as of late.

OP posts:
Nosnowthisyear · 29/12/2021 16:44

You can’t go, you’re not well enough. End of.

WasgijGods · 29/12/2021 16:44

I would. I'd dose up on paracetamol and make sure I visited, probably taxi if I wasn't feeling great. I am actually really shocked that this isn't a unanimous response! I can't imagine not visiting someone I cared about. Tbh it would be the beginning of the end of a relationship if my partner didn't care enough to visit.

Original poster
louloulemmonnnn · 29/12/2021 16:45

@NemosPoorlyFinn oh that must have been rubbish.
Visiting re started here in October but you need to show your covid pass and had both injections plus a negative lateral flow.
You need to book a hour slot and only 1 visitor per bay and a hour long

OP posts:
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