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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not visiting boyfriend in hospital ...

134 replies

louloulemmonnnn · 29/12/2021 16:29

My boyfriend is in hospital and has been since yesterday due to his asthma.
He is getting out in the morning.
I had my booster yesterday and feel dreadful today.
Feel sick /shivering/really tired and just generally awful.

He wants me to go visit him tonight as he said he is lonely ( he only went in at 9 pm last night and is being discharged tomorrow lunch time)
He wants me to take him chocolate .

He is making me feel really guilty but I honestly feel awful and when I stand up feel so lightheaded.
I don't drive so will have to walk into town (15 mins ) then get the bus which takes 35 mins to get to the hospital then same on the way home.
It's blowing a Gale and chucking it down.
I asked could I call him instead considering he is getting out tomorrow and is now absolutely fine.
He went in a huff and said if I loved him I would be going in.

Aibu not going?
Shall I just go?
Taxis would cost around £50-£60 return
I'm treating him to a meal out tomorrow and have paid for the Chinese for nye
Also I'm going into town tomorrow to get things to make him a nice breakfast on nye.

Aibu ?

OP posts:
Embracelife · 29/12/2021 17:33

@louloulemmonnnn

Well there's a shop downstairs but he said he doesn't have his wallet
He can load apple pay or Google pay on his phone He is grown man Tough
girlmom21 · 29/12/2021 17:33

@Elodeastar

It's fine to ask her to come but she said no so he's trying to emotionally blackmail her and that's not fine.

Maybe actually read what I wrote, at no point did I suggest emotional blackmail was 'fine'.

The first 6 words of your first response were 'tell him you do love him'
CovidForChristmas · 29/12/2021 17:36

After having my booster I felt rough and tested negative on later flow for a few days before the positive result. Later confirmed by PCR.
I wouldn’t go in your shoes for that reason alone.

HideousKinky · 29/12/2021 17:37

He went in a huff and said if I loved him I would be going in

This alone would make me stay at home

NoNameHere12 · 29/12/2021 17:37

I’m not saying asthma suffers don’t have it hard, COs they bloody well do! But, the cold hard reality is he needs to get used to being and going to hospital alone, especially if he is one of those that end up there annually.

What’s he going to do when his wife is at home with two kids, you can’t drop them just to go hospital, it’s not realistic.

I go annually, of course I miss my kids when I’m in there, but my husband is at home looking after them and that’s more important than coming to sit next to me when I’m fine and will be out soon, it’s too much hassle for them so I just FaceTime. I love them, so I don’t put them out by constantly having to be dragged up the hospital to see me for an asthma attack

ThinWomansBrain · 29/12/2021 17:38

He went in a huff and said if I loved him I would be going in
FFS - if he had any kind feelings for you, he would respect the fact that you are unwell. Emotional bullying - because diddums is a teensy weensy bit bored? He is in hospital - he's not even on his own.

I reacted badly to my first vaccination - thankfully not the second or third, it was only 36 hours, but felt almost as bad as when I had covid.

I don't think the booster vaccinations are effective immediately - it would be nuts for you to go in (even if the hospital let you in any way).

I'd be reconsidering the relationship - bullying aside he sounds like a needy selfish individual.

TheOriginalEmu · 29/12/2021 17:39

[quote louloulemmonnnn]@Scrabblecrabapple I'm only I'll off the booster,it's not an actual bug or anything so not sure if that makes a difference
[/quote]
You can’t know for sure it’s the booster though. Most likely it is, but my sister can’t down with covid the day after her booster so it’s possible. YANBU to stay home.

WildfirePonie · 29/12/2021 17:40

What a prince. Not. YANBU!

Changelingbutonlyforme · 29/12/2021 17:43

I developed a fever the 24 hours after one of my covid jabs. I still don’t know if it was a reaction to the vaccine or to the hand-foot and mouth disease my kids and I developed symptoms of over the following 48 hours. Even if your lft is negative, it doesn’t mean you’re not ill with something else that shouldn’t be passed around a hospital.

Throckmorton · 29/12/2021 17:43

saying "if you loved me you would..." is such a red flag. The guy sounds dreadful, sorry

goldenlilliesdaffodillies · 29/12/2021 17:45

I really wouldn't be visiting any hospitals right now unless you really had to- especially if feeling ill yourself too.

QuiltedHippo · 29/12/2021 17:48

Being in hospital is horrible, I got stuck on a locked down ward with DD so couldn't leave to go to the shop/canteen/kitchen. It's awful being at the mercy of others when you want a snack, a family member left me a bag of snacks at the ward door and made it so much more bearable. Is there anyone else who could visit him?

Amandasummers · 29/12/2021 17:49

I don’t know where you are OP but certainly we’re I am visiting in hospitals isn’t allowed at the moment

AcrossthePond55 · 29/12/2021 17:51

The proper answer to 'if you loved me you would' is 'if you loved me you wouldn't ask'.

I was completely down for the count for 24 hours with weakness, chills, hot flushes, and body aches after my 2nd jab and after the booster. I would not have been safe (meaning my own physical safety) to go anywhere, any more than someone with bad flu symptoms would be.

I'd be taking a serious, serious look at him AND the relationship once the dust settles.

Benjispruce5 · 29/12/2021 17:52

Yanbu

WhereYouLeftIt · 29/12/2021 17:52

"He went in a huff and said if I loved him I would be going in."
So love only flows from you to him, and not in the other direction? Because surely, if he loved you, he wouldn't ask this of you?

'You would if you loved me' is a great big red flag, @louloulemmonnnn. It's manipulative, and is usually deployed by a selfish arse when common sense tells you not to do it. Yes, I'm calling your boyfriend a manipulative selfish arse.

notangelinajolie · 29/12/2021 17:52

... and said if I loved him I would be going in

and then you throw it straight back at him and say ...

that if he loved you he wouldn't be asking you to come in.

AngelinaFibres · 29/12/2021 17:56

If he loved you he wouldn't ask you to go in. He is a man child.

Diaryprovinciallady · 29/12/2021 17:57

He’s a manipulative little shit, isn’t he? “If you LOVED meeeeee…”

This.

MarbleQueen · 29/12/2021 17:57

Stop pandering to this prick with all these treats.

Redarrow2017 · 29/12/2021 17:59

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

AngelinaFibres · 29/12/2021 18:04

@WasgijGods

I would. I'd dose up on paracetamol and make sure I visited, probably taxi if I wasn't feeling great. I am actually really shocked that this isn't a unanimous response! I can't imagine not visiting someone I cared about. Tbh it would be the beginning of the end of a relationship if my partner didn't care enough to visit.
Bet the taxi driver would be thrilled by someone with covid symptoms getting in his cab and announcing "oh its not covid ".
pwendystevens · 29/12/2021 18:06

I get asthma and it is horrible in hospital. Lonely, scared and I get hungry. But you are not well enough to travel.
Have a long chat on phone if he is able to talk, and send in chocolate. The first day and night seem to last for ever but then things get easier

skodadoda · 29/12/2021 18:06

@WasgijGods

I would. I'd dose up on paracetamol and make sure I visited, probably taxi if I wasn't feeling great. I am actually really shocked that this isn't a unanimous response! I can't imagine not visiting someone I cared about. Tbh it would be the beginning of the end of a relationship if my partner didn't care enough to visit.
Are you the boyfriend?
eagerlywaitingfor · 29/12/2021 18:10

Oh, that old chestnut.

"If you loved me, you'd... insert whatever he wants you to do here ...". Never mind that you don't want to - only his opinion counts, and it doesn't work the other way round either.

Stuff that for a game of soldiers.