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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not visiting boyfriend in hospital ...

134 replies

louloulemmonnnn · 29/12/2021 16:29

My boyfriend is in hospital and has been since yesterday due to his asthma.
He is getting out in the morning.
I had my booster yesterday and feel dreadful today.
Feel sick /shivering/really tired and just generally awful.

He wants me to go visit him tonight as he said he is lonely ( he only went in at 9 pm last night and is being discharged tomorrow lunch time)
He wants me to take him chocolate .

He is making me feel really guilty but I honestly feel awful and when I stand up feel so lightheaded.
I don't drive so will have to walk into town (15 mins ) then get the bus which takes 35 mins to get to the hospital then same on the way home.
It's blowing a Gale and chucking it down.
I asked could I call him instead considering he is getting out tomorrow and is now absolutely fine.
He went in a huff and said if I loved him I would be going in.

Aibu not going?
Shall I just go?
Taxis would cost around £50-£60 return
I'm treating him to a meal out tomorrow and have paid for the Chinese for nye
Also I'm going into town tomorrow to get things to make him a nice breakfast on nye.

Aibu ?

OP posts:
TwoAndCooPlease · 29/12/2021 16:46

Don't let him gasslight you. He's getting out in the morning. It's 16:45 he's not even been in 24 hours!
He really needs to get a grip. How selfish

Put your feet up and relax op. Some people don't feel great at all after the booster. Take care of yourself. He is being a baby

KittenCatcher · 29/12/2021 16:46

How is he getting home tomorrow if he doesnt have his wallet

ChimChimeny · 29/12/2021 16:46

@WasgijGods

I would. I'd dose up on paracetamol and make sure I visited, probably taxi if I wasn't feeling great. I am actually really shocked that this isn't a unanimous response! I can't imagine not visiting someone I cared about. Tbh it would be the beginning of the end of a relationship if my partner didn't care enough to visit.
He's barely in for 2 days, he's a grown up who's girlfriend is feeling ill, he can cope
Original poster
louloulemmonnnn · 29/12/2021 16:47

@WasgijGods I love him but I just feel awful and I can't really afford £60 for a hour visit when he is now well and being discharged in the morning.
Plus like someone said it I'm feeling rubbish and it's not the booster ...I'm potentially taking germs into a hospital with unwell people

OP posts:
Original poster
louloulemmonnnn · 29/12/2021 16:47

@KittenCatcher he's gonna have to get an Uber I reckon

OP posts:
TwoAndCooPlease · 29/12/2021 16:48

@louloulemmonnnn

Well there's a shop downstairs but he said he doesn't have his wallet
So he just needs you there for money. Not support or care

Leave him chocolate-less op.

Xmasbaby11 · 29/12/2021 16:48

My dh would not expect this. Ill? Taxi £50 return? No way. Makes no sense. He'll be home soon.

Original poster
louloulemmonnnn · 29/12/2021 16:48

If he was seriously ill etc I would have gone in a heartbeat

OP posts:
Mumteedum · 29/12/2021 16:51

Raise your standards. If he loved you, he would understand. Selfish sod.

Find someone nicer and put your needs higher Flowers feel better soon @louloulemmonnnn

girlmom21 · 29/12/2021 16:51

He went in a huff and said if I loved him I would be going in.

I'd tell him to call you when he's grown up and take a friend for tomorrows meal tbh...

Elodeastar · 29/12/2021 16:53

Tell him you do love him, but as he also presumably loves you, he will accept that you are currently too ill to go and visit, especially as he will be getting home soon. Is there nobody else who can take him money or chocolate?

QuestionNumberOne · 29/12/2021 16:55

Is he always such a selfish demanding little prick?

Leah2005 · 29/12/2021 16:55

My bil felt ill on the Sunday following his booster on Saturday afternoon. He tested negative on a lft on Tues, then positive on Wednesday. The following pcr was positive too. Don't be too sure your feeling ill is the booster.

LIZS · 29/12/2021 16:57

Tell him you will visit at home. Not all hospitals allow visitors anyway.

Darbs76 · 29/12/2021 16:58

No, do not go to a hospital sick. He’s crazy for suggesting it

girlmom21 · 29/12/2021 16:58

@Elodeastar

Tell him you do love him, but as he also presumably loves you, he will accept that you are currently too ill to go and visit, especially as he will be getting home soon. Is there nobody else who can take him money or chocolate?
Why would you tell him you love him when he's being an immature cock end?
MadMadMadamMim · 29/12/2021 16:58

@WasgijGods

I would. I'd dose up on paracetamol and make sure I visited, probably taxi if I wasn't feeling great. I am actually really shocked that this isn't a unanimous response! I can't imagine not visiting someone I cared about. Tbh it would be the beginning of the end of a relationship if my partner didn't care enough to visit.
Really? I can't believe you are enough of a martyr to dose yourself up with painkillers, fork out £60 for a taxi and drag yourself off on an hour's return journey when you are feeling ill yourself to visit a perfectly well, sulky adult male who just wants you to bring him chocolate. He's not at death's door. He's being released tomorrow. He's just bored. And forgot his wallet, apparently, so needs you as a cash machine.

I am actually shocked that you would even consider this. I'd end a relationship with someone who was:-

a) such an entitled twat as the OPs manipulative boyfriend or
b) such a doormat as yourself

2022newname · 29/12/2021 17:01
  1. If he’s got uber - presuambly he had had Uber eats - he can order some food
  1. If he bored why can’t you FaceTime him or similar?
QuestionableMouse · 29/12/2021 17:02

@WasgijGods

I would. I'd dose up on paracetamol and make sure I visited, probably taxi if I wasn't feeling great. I am actually really shocked that this isn't a unanimous response! I can't imagine not visiting someone I cared about. Tbh it would be the beginning of the end of a relationship if my partner didn't care enough to visit.
£50-60 on taxies. Not a chance, when he's well enough to be discharged tomorrow.

The OP is also unwell and would be daft going out, especially in the not so nice weather.

Do a video call with him @louloulemmonnnn

Cocomarine · 29/12/2021 17:02

I’d be surprised if he can’t use his phone contactless on vending machines these days, but as others have said - there’s the shop where he can.
You seem to be organising a lot of “little treats” for him.
I think this could be a wake up call for you.
He’s a manipulative little shit, isn’t he? “If you LOVED meeeeee…” 🙄

In your exact situation my husband would actually be cross with me if I DID come in.

Butchyrestingface · 29/12/2021 17:03

He went in a huff and said if I loved him I would be going in.

I'd rethink the whole relationship based on this.

Elodeastar · 29/12/2021 17:04

Why would you tell him you love him when he's being an immature cock end?

  • If he is a decent guy in other ways, and OP has visited before, then maybe he hasn't thought through how demanding he is actually being. I think your description of him is a bit OTT tbh.
I think it's fine for him to ask her to come, but it should also be fine for her to say why it just won't be happening right now, and he should accept that.
takenforgrantednana · 29/12/2021 17:05

@louloulemmonnnn

Probably not....he has been miserable as hell lately and grumpy (he is on 8 steroids a day ) for his breathing So I've let him off with his grumpiness and moodiness as of late.
steriods DONT make you grumpy! they do make you hungry tho
girlmom21 · 29/12/2021 17:05

@Elodeastar

Why would you tell him you love him when he's being an immature cock end?
  • If he is a decent guy in other ways, and OP has visited before, then maybe he hasn't thought through how demanding he is actually being. I think your description of him is a bit OTT tbh.
I think it's fine for him to ask her to come, but it should also be fine for her to say why it just won't be happening right now, and he should accept that.
It's fine to ask her to come but she said no so he's trying to emotionally blackmail her and that's not fine.
JSL52 · 29/12/2021 17:06

@WasgijGods

I would. I'd dose up on paracetamol and make sure I visited, probably taxi if I wasn't feeling great. I am actually really shocked that this isn't a unanimous response! I can't imagine not visiting someone I cared about. Tbh it would be the beginning of the end of a relationship if my partner didn't care enough to visit.
He's in for one night and she doesn't feel well. You couldn't manage without a visitor for ONE night ?