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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not visiting boyfriend in hospital ...

134 replies

louloulemmonnnn · 29/12/2021 16:29

My boyfriend is in hospital and has been since yesterday due to his asthma.
He is getting out in the morning.
I had my booster yesterday and feel dreadful today.
Feel sick /shivering/really tired and just generally awful.

He wants me to go visit him tonight as he said he is lonely ( he only went in at 9 pm last night and is being discharged tomorrow lunch time)
He wants me to take him chocolate .

He is making me feel really guilty but I honestly feel awful and when I stand up feel so lightheaded.
I don't drive so will have to walk into town (15 mins ) then get the bus which takes 35 mins to get to the hospital then same on the way home.
It's blowing a Gale and chucking it down.
I asked could I call him instead considering he is getting out tomorrow and is now absolutely fine.
He went in a huff and said if I loved him I would be going in.

Aibu not going?
Shall I just go?
Taxis would cost around £50-£60 return
I'm treating him to a meal out tomorrow and have paid for the Chinese for nye
Also I'm going into town tomorrow to get things to make him a nice breakfast on nye.

Aibu ?

OP posts:

Newestname002 · 29/12/2021 17:06

@louloulemmonnnn

Well there's a shop downstairs but he said he doesn't have his wallet

I wonder if he's telling the truth - especially if he paid for the taxi there? Anyway even if he was this ⬇️

He went in a huff and said if I loved him I would be going in.

would really put me off. Even if you were well and had your own transport - which you don't.

He's demanding and selfish and i would not, in your shoes, put up with this behaviour. Text him that you can't come because you're unwell, then put "do not disturb" on your phone and get some rest. He'll either get over himself or he won't. If he has a go at you when he comes out then perhaps there's no room in your life for him. 🌹

Butchyrestingface · 29/12/2021 17:10

@WasgijGods

I would. I'd dose up on paracetamol and make sure I visited, probably taxi if I wasn't feeling great. I am actually really shocked that this isn't a unanimous response! I can't imagine not visiting someone I cared about. Tbh it would be the beginning of the end of a relationship if my partner didn't care enough to visit.

Surely if you loved someone you wouldn't want them to be coming out to see you in poor weather when they're unwell and the country is still not out of a pandemic? I'd want them to be tucked up at home, concentrating on getting better.

WeAllHaveWings · 29/12/2021 17:10

I was ill for 3 days after booster with dreadful D+V, most probably something I picked up at vaccination centre as I hadnt been anywhere before or after it. I wouldnt risk taking something into a hospital ward.

Onelifeonly · 29/12/2021 17:10

Don't go. It's not an emergency, you don't feel well and he will be out tomorrow. I appreciate it's boring being in hospital but they do get fed. If he loved you, he would recognise how inconsiderate he is being.

gindreams · 29/12/2021 17:11

@WasgijGods

You sound ghastly

SleepingStandingUp · 29/12/2021 17:13

I'd be contemplating singledom for 2022 if anyone said "if you loved me you'd..." whilst showing such obvious disregard for my own wellbeing.

He's telling you HE is important and you only matter so long as you service his need. You don't matter. You're just there to make him happy.

Screw him. Metaphorically, not literally.

freddiethegreat · 29/12/2021 17:13

@louloulemmonnnn on the ‘is it the booster?’ worry, I expect it is. I felt like death yesterday (booster Monday) & ok today. Negative both days on LFT. I appreciate there are exceptions to that - like someone upthread - but in most cases, illness post-booster is booster.

I still wouldn’t be going in though!!!

CurryLover55 · 29/12/2021 17:13

He’s thinking of himself & not considering you, OP. I can’t be doing with this “ If you loved me” nonsense either. Start the new year with a new fella who puts your needs first & doesn’t emotionally blackmail you.

SleepingStandingUp · 29/12/2021 17:14

Tbh it would be the beginning of the end of a relationship if my partner didn't care enough to visit. and what about her partner caring enough about her to not expect her to spend £60 coming out in shitty weather when she's ill because he wants a CHOCOLATE BAR @JSL52

notanothertakeaway · 29/12/2021 17:16

Can you pay for his chocolate over the phone?

You're unwell. He shouldn't be expecting you to travel

QueeniesCroft · 29/12/2021 17:17

I think one of the life lessons that all girls should be taught is to immediately dump any man who says "If you really loved me, you would...". It's manipulative and creepy.

I have a history of unstable asthma and I've had a fair few emergency admissions, so I know it's not fun, but one night without a visitor isn't terrible. I'm always exhausted and need to sleep a lot after a severe attack anyway. I certainly wouldn't ask someone who was unwell to visit me!

CheshireKitten123 · 29/12/2021 17:19

Listen carefully OP :

No-one with the sense they were born with, would go anywhere near a hospital, by choice, in the present Covid Crisis.

Your BF is a king-size twat of the first order and needs to grow up.

OnlyAFleshWound · 29/12/2021 17:20

I thought I felt rotten from the booster. Turns out I have COVID. I ignored the symptoms because I assumed it was side-effects from the jab. FGS don't go. And LTB

Buffy81 · 29/12/2021 17:24

That might be difficult at the moment to see him. The hospital that I work in the patient has to nominate one person to be their visitor. That person then has to book an allocated 1hr slot, do a LFT on the day and show the result of it. They also have to be fully vaccinated.. If there are not, then they have to chose someone else. Any times outside of that has to be agreed with the sister in charge.

All that travel for would not be worth it at this time of night and if he is due to come home tomorrow. You are also not feeing great in yourself due to having the booster so its really best that you stay at home to make sure that you are better

WasgijGods · 29/12/2021 17:26

[quote gindreams]@WasgijGods

You sound ghastly
[/quote]

For wanting to visit a loved one in hospital 😂😂😂

Prescottdanni123 · 29/12/2021 17:26

Its most likely from the booster, but it migh
might not be. You could have had covid or a different winter virus before you got your jab and symptoms have only just appeared to day. Hence you shouldn't really be going to hospital.

2022success · 29/12/2021 17:26

I can't imagine wanting someone I claimed to love to want to do what your boyfriend expects of you.

Go to bed and take care of yourself.

TragicallyUnbeyachted · 29/12/2021 17:28

QueeniesCroft

I think one of the life lessons that all girls should be taught is to immediately dump any man who says "If you really loved me, you would...". It's manipulative and creepy

This x 100. Although I'd extend it to "all children".

WonderfulYou · 29/12/2021 17:28

I’m most circumstances I would have said go in but I think you’re right not to.

He’s not seriously ill, he’s not been in there for weeks with no company, he’s getting out tomorrow, you’re poorly and you can’t drive there.

If he needs money then he can ask a family or friend to drop him some. Hopefully someone who can drive and isn’t ill.

OhThatChicken · 29/12/2021 17:28

I'm genuinely shocked he thinks you should go into visit right now!

He sounds ridiculous.

JSL52 · 29/12/2021 17:29

@SleepingStandingUp

Did you mean to @WasgijGods ? I don't think she should visit him.

Elodeastar · 29/12/2021 17:31

It's fine to ask her to come but she said no so he's trying to emotionally blackmail her and that's not fine.

Maybe actually read what I wrote, at no point did I suggest emotional blackmail was 'fine'.

Brewandhoney · 29/12/2021 17:31

The “if you loved me you would come” is a huge red flag 🚩 🚩 is he always so emotionally blackmailing?

DukkaTheHallsWithBoughsOfHolly · 29/12/2021 17:32

You’re ill, regardless of having the booster, you cannot go visiting. Your boyfriend sounds like hard work.

LazyDaisy22 · 29/12/2021 17:33

Don’t go. He’s being released tomorrow! Hope you are still home in the warm and feel better soon.

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