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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not visiting boyfriend in hospital ...

134 replies

louloulemmonnnn · 29/12/2021 16:29

My boyfriend is in hospital and has been since yesterday due to his asthma.
He is getting out in the morning.
I had my booster yesterday and feel dreadful today.
Feel sick /shivering/really tired and just generally awful.

He wants me to go visit him tonight as he said he is lonely ( he only went in at 9 pm last night and is being discharged tomorrow lunch time)
He wants me to take him chocolate .

He is making me feel really guilty but I honestly feel awful and when I stand up feel so lightheaded.
I don't drive so will have to walk into town (15 mins ) then get the bus which takes 35 mins to get to the hospital then same on the way home.
It's blowing a Gale and chucking it down.
I asked could I call him instead considering he is getting out tomorrow and is now absolutely fine.
He went in a huff and said if I loved him I would be going in.

Aibu not going?
Shall I just go?
Taxis would cost around £50-£60 return
I'm treating him to a meal out tomorrow and have paid for the Chinese for nye
Also I'm going into town tomorrow to get things to make him a nice breakfast on nye.

Aibu ?

OP posts:

RockallMalinHebrides · 29/12/2021 18:12

Our local hospital is restricting visitors - it’s mainly patients who are end of life.

TheCatterall · 29/12/2021 18:15

If you loved me… sorry but he can fuck right off with that one.

How many times do we hear that emotional abuse/blackmail as women. If you loved me you’d do it.. virginity/sex/blow jobs/hand over money/run yourself ragged etc. Nahhhh.

That works two ways.

If he loved you - he wouldn’t ask you to trek out for a non emergency reason when you don’t feel well.

If he loved you he wouldn’t try guilt tripping you.

If he loved you he’d ensure that when he has to be off to hospital he has a wallet etc with him.

If he loved you he wouldn’t be such a dick about this.

Doesn’t have his wallet - pfft. No banking app on his phone etc? Maybe he should plan better for such issues in the future.

I’d be rethinking treating him to anything right now. Where else does his entitled behaviour leak out in your relationship. How equal is your relationship?

codexa · 29/12/2021 18:20

Aw poor diddums all alone for one night without any money. The money bit I don't believe for a minute, and as others have said Apple pay etc. should do it. If not, he should ask for a baby soother, little cry baby that he is.

Anyway OP you will either go and spend 50 quid to buy a bar of chocolate for the baby or you will ignore his whining, and you should ignore it, and get the hell out of Dodge PDQ!

I had three A+E admissions since Feb each stay was 9/10 days. No visitors allowed at all. I coped and quite enjoyed the experience if you can say that! Family dropped stuff at reception regularly for me and it was delivered to my bedside within the hour.

All the best my love. You decide.... but deep down you know what to do. I hope you are not afraid of him in any way...

Bamburghdoodle · 29/12/2021 18:20

@WasgijGods

I would. I'd dose up on paracetamol and make sure I visited, probably taxi if I wasn't feeling great. I am actually really shocked that this isn't a unanimous response! I can't imagine not visiting someone I cared about. Tbh it would be the beginning of the end of a relationship if my partner didn't care enough to visit.

Wow.

Women have had to give birth alone during the pandemic, family have not seen loved ones until the very end and you’d pander to sulks and requests for chocolate. Jeezo.

Martha8 · 29/12/2021 18:21

@louloulemmonnnn

Probably not....he has been miserable as hell lately and grumpy (he is on 8 steroids a day ) for his breathing So I've let him off with his grumpiness and moodiness as of late.

I can only speak for myself.

If my asthma was so bad that I was in hospital and had been on 8 steroids a day, my husband would get himself in to see me or arrange to pay for some food etc remotely or send a friend in with stuff for me and to check on me, regardless of when I was supposed to be out. Hospitals are dangerous places.

If it were my husband - I would find a way to get in and check on him.

SleepingStandingUp · 29/12/2021 18:22

Is there anyone else who could visit him? he's a grown up with a phone, he can sort that out

Suzanne999 · 29/12/2021 18:29

Good Lord, what a baby he is.
Of course you shouldn’t go in. You end up fainting on a bus and there’ll be 2 of you in the hospital.
Tell him to get a grip.

codexa · 29/12/2021 18:31

I'd turn off my phone, and go to sleep quite frankly. Ignore him.

BridStar · 29/12/2021 18:33

"If you loved me you would do that highly inappropriate thing I am demanding" is a threat. A threat to end the relationship. This is the sort of person he is. What a bully.

Egghead68 · 29/12/2021 18:35

Don’t go.

Hospitals are limiting visitors anyhow.

TueWed · 29/12/2021 18:37

@WasgijGods

You missed off the /s

Have you got a spare £50/60 for the taxi?

BoredZelda · 29/12/2021 18:53

Nope. Wouldn’t go if he’s just in one night if you feel unwell.

My husband was in for three days at a time when you couldn’t have visitors. He managed fine.

BoredZelda · 29/12/2021 18:56

I can't imagine not visiting someone I cared about. Tbh it would be the beginning of the end of a relationship if my partner didn't care enough to visit.

I can’t imagine forcing a partner who feels very unwell to visit me if I were in just for one night, just because I was bored and wanted chocolate. If someone tried to force me to do that, it would be the end of the relationship.

crankysaurus · 29/12/2021 19:01

That would be a nope from me. Hope you feel better soon, OP.

BeaLola · 29/12/2021 19:04

I wouldn't go & I think he sounds a selfish manchild

A lot of hospitals are not allowing visitors

These are different times - if he was in for longer and not being discharged then that's different but he's out tomorrow - he needs to man up

Zxcvbnm123456 · 29/12/2021 19:06

Can't he order some food from deliveroo etc and meet the driver outside? He can't be that ill to be guilt tripping you?

TheNoodlesIncident · 29/12/2021 19:35

I can't imagine wanting somebody who is feeling ill to come out in poor weather just to spend an hour getting them some chocolate (and no doubt listen to them whinge). That's incredibly self-centred.

Equally awful is the whole If You Loved Me You Would Indulge My Every Whim shenanigans. I agree with the PP who suggested that children should be taught to respond appropriately to behaviours like this. It's actually repulsive, since it's clear the OP's boyfriend doesn't give a shiny shit how dreadful she feels, it's all about HIM and OP doesn't matter.

It would make a difference if OP was feeling just dandy, and he was going to be in for a long while, or he was much more ill than he is. Any of those circumstances would affect how unreasonable OP was in staying at home. But come on, she feels terrible, he's coming out in the morning and he sounds currently better than her health-wise!

His attitude stinks and I would reassessing the relationship at this point, as I wouldn't want to get landed with a selfish arse who doesn't care how rough his partner feels.

DeathTo2021 · 29/12/2021 20:32

Unless you were one hundred percent you weren't sick with anything contagious, and OP isn't, you'd be a selfish arse if you'd choose to risk spreading whatever bug you may have to other (possibly) vulnerable patients. With or without a pandemic happening it's a really crap thing to do or expect of someone.

I've been on respiratory ward at this time of year, pre covid, and have seen visitors turned away when they've tried to visit with kids loaded with cold. I told my own husband to stay away my last few days when he had a dose of the shits. If OPs boyfriend is on a respiratory ward too then it shows MORE care by not going and putting other patients at risk and I'd hope staff would turn someone visibly ill away.

OhGiveUp · 29/12/2021 21:09

If you loved me? How old is he?
Only, that's the kind of thing I would expect a 15 year old to say to his girlfriend.

Thedogscollar · 29/12/2021 21:20

Dear God he sounds like a spoilt brat.
What are is this man child? Stop pandering to him. He will be out tomorrow morning.
Why are some me do fucking pathetic.
Raise your bar OP.

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 29/12/2021 21:28

What a selfish git! Try being in for weeks or months with hardly any visitors. He should be saying the exact opposite; 'no, don't be silly, you're not well and I'll be out in a couple of days. Let's video call instead'. How about that for thoughtful boyfriend?

ThinWomansBrain · 29/12/2021 23:53

@RockallMalinHebrides

Our local hospital is restricting visitors - it’s mainly patients who are end of life.

But he is, is poor diddums - he doesn't have chocolate, and he feels lonely. LTB OP - he is a selfish needy manchild.

1967buglet · 30/12/2021 00:37

You could have COVID. Don’t go into a hospital when having symptoms…it could be the booster’s effects, but it could not. The booster also needs some time to be fully effective. Pay for a chocolate bar over the phone if he’s that upset about it. And I hope you feel better soon.

Fangdango · 30/12/2021 02:16

If he ends up stuck there long, you could probably get a deliveroo from a Spar to the reception. Or photograph his card and send to his mobile so he can use gpay or apple pay. Don't go in. He's where he needs to be, getting looked after. Don't get pressured into running around giving him treats for New Year if you're not up to socialising either.

He might just be having a hangry / anxious/ steroid fuelled moment, but your health comes before anyone's luxuries.

anotherchocolate · 30/12/2021 02:48

Would he do the same for you?

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