My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

Actually offensive Secret Santa Gift?

363 replies

BewilderedPiskie · 29/12/2021 11:55

I have always avoided Secret Santa arrangements where possible due in no small part to threads on here. This year we had some new members to the small team I work in, in a professional environment, who suggested we arrange one amongst ourselves and to avoid looking curmudgeonly I agreed.
I have been gifted an adult colouring book and some felt tips. I must admit I found this disappointing in itself as I never got swept up in this craze and am a little disappointed that one of my colleagues has concluded I am an adult colourer but that's by the by.
My real issue is that it's the 'Go F*ck Yourself I'm Coloring' 50 swear words to color your anger away, adult coloring book. Which should be fine, I like a robust swear and I have a job that can very much cause stress but I finally looked at it properly today and a lot of the words to colour are not swear words per se but really, really unpleasant misogynistic, sexual slurs and terms that I associate with pornography not swearing. I have actually found myself quite offended that someone thought this was an appropriate gift for a fifty year old female colleague in a professional environment. My quandary is whether I should say something to the group or just hide it in the recycling and forget about it? I think I have attached an image so you can see the kind of thing I'm referencing.

Actually offensive Secret Santa Gift?
OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

1132 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
32%
You are NOT being unreasonable
68%
WorraLiberty · 29/12/2021 11:57

I'd just bin it.

They probably didn't go through every page and just thought it was a book of swear words.

Hospedia · 29/12/2021 11:57

Vom.

I'd recycle it and then not participate next year.

Palavah · 29/12/2021 11:57

am a little disappointed that one of my colleagues has concluded I am an adult colourer
Get over yourself.

Regarding the messages in the book itself, I suspect your colleague didn't look at every single one. Recycle and forget.

DowntonCrabby · 29/12/2021 11:58

It’s vile, just bin it, I wouldn’t even give it another moment of thought to say something.
Do you know who gave you it? was it a man?

Jeschara · 29/12/2021 11:58

I dont like adult colouring books, but I would not take offence. If you dont like it put it in the recycling.

Namechangeforthis88 · 29/12/2021 11:58

I say forget it and discourage Secret Santa next year. Quite possibly the giver didn't look closely.

Sonex · 29/12/2021 11:59

Wow, that's really inappropriate as a work secret Santa gift. Do you know who the person that got you it is?

Everydaydayisaschoolday · 29/12/2021 12:00

Secret Santa gifts are pointless and thoughtless 99.9% of the time. This is no exception. Recycle it and forget about it.

WTF99 · 29/12/2021 12:00

Yes, that's pretty horrible. Bin it. But I wouldnt be taking it personally or saying anything.
Secret Santa is a nightmare for all kinds of reasons including this one of allowing people to demonstrate their very poor taste and judgement

milly74 · 29/12/2021 12:01

awful. bin it. don't engage next year

SpudleyLass · 29/12/2021 12:02

That is wildly inappropriate.

pickingdaisies · 29/12/2021 12:02

Wow. I'd go along the lines of, when team are all present, say,
I don't know who was responsible for my secret Santa, so I'm going to think positive and assume you didn't bother to look at it properly when you bought it. It's going in the bin.

BewilderedPiskie · 29/12/2021 12:03

It could be from a man or a woman; I honestly have no idea who was buying for me.

OP posts:
PegasusReturns · 29/12/2021 12:03

That’s actually disgusting.

There a huge difference in colouring in a “fuck off” and a “cum dumpster”.

I’d hang onto it in case this actually turns into something else.

CommanderBurnham · 29/12/2021 12:04

Bin it.

Why oh why don't people just buy bland generic gifts at Christmas???

Shedmistress · 29/12/2021 12:05

And this is why Secret Santas are shit.

2022newname · 29/12/2021 12:06

If it didn’t offend you when you thought it was swearing then I assume that you would have been ok with it? I doubt the person who bought it looked at every page.
If it would have been inappropriate anyway - that’s different.

Juniper68 · 29/12/2021 12:07

@BewilderedPiskie

It could be from a man or a woman; I honestly have no idea who was buying for me.

Was someone in charge of secret santa and may know who sent it? Or did you pick a name out?
foxgoosefinch · 29/12/2021 12:07

That’s genuinely horrible.

I’m going to go against the grain here and say if it was me I would be pushing to find out who it was, as I would feel this was a form of disguised sexual harassment and completely unacceptable. It’s not funny and it’s a way of hiding what would be otherwise unacceptable under the veneer of a joke. At the very least it’s spiteful and inappropriate.

I don’t see why anyone should have to put up with being humiliated and upset at work - bullies have always hidden nastiness under the veneer of “jokes”. If I’d received this I’d be making a formal complaint, kicking up an enormous fuss, and having the work secret Santa banned overall as a result.

But then I’m just a humourless feminist who thinks that women should no longer have to put up with nasty “jokes” at work in order to maintain some kind of social politeness, or to coddle the feelings of spiteful or silly people. No thanks.

SleepingStandingUp · 29/12/2021 12:08

I'd be a bit 🙄 someone would think a book of course swear words would be my thing given how I presented myself at work but unless there was someone in the team who was partic sleazy I'd assume they didn't look closely, though ah she has a stressful job, this'll be funny.

But honestly, I also think you need to get over yourself with
am a little disappointed that one of my colleagues has concluded I am an adult colourer.

I mean what kind of person do you think is an adult coloured?

notacooldad · 29/12/2021 12:09

It's better than some of our secret Santa gifts!!

BiggerBoat1 · 29/12/2021 12:10

If you don't find it funny bin it and move on.

Don't be the twat who makes a big deal of it after Christmas.

Juniper68 · 29/12/2021 12:10

I don't believe for one minute they didn't know. It's some sick bastard imo.

Marcipex · 29/12/2021 12:14

I think it’s massively inappropriate but I would just bin it.
I don’t suppose the giver looked closely at it.

Museumland · 29/12/2021 12:16

OP I suggest you find out who sent the gift. Firstly, you mention that you work in a professional environment and there's new team members. This gift indicates that either someone pays no attention to detail (probably not what you're looking for in a colleague) and/or has a very unusual set of boundaries; again hardly a model employee. Even the swearing is at the upper limit and could cause offence. I just think whoever sent this needs to know it's offensive and not acceptable.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.