Actually offensive Secret Santa Gift?

[BewilderedPiskie]

I have always avoided Secret Santa arrangements where possible due in no small part to threads on here. This year we had some new members to the small team I work in, in a professional environment, who suggested we arrange one amongst ourselves and to avoid looking curmudgeonly I agreed.
I have been gifted an adult colouring book and some felt tips. I must admit I found this disappointing in itself as I never got swept up in this craze and am a little disappointed that one of my colleagues has concluded I am an adult colourer but that's by the by.
My real issue is that it's the 'Go F*ck Yourself I'm Coloring' 50 swear words to color your anger away, adult coloring book. Which should be fine, I like a robust swear and I have a job that can very much cause stress but I finally looked at it properly today and a lot of the words to colour are not swear words per se but really, really unpleasant misogynistic, sexual slurs and terms that I associate with pornography not swearing. I have actually found myself quite offended that someone thought this was an appropriate gift for a fifty year old female colleague in a professional environment. My quandary is whether I should say something to the group or just hide it in the recycling and forget about it? I think I have attached an image so you can see the kind of thing I'm referencing.

[quote CrumpledCrumpet]Hmm having found the specific book in question I’m somewhat revising my opinion as even a cursory glance through it would have shown that a lot of the content is very grim. There’s a few generic swears but most of the content is sexual slurs.

Go F*ck Yourself, I'm Coloring: Adult Coloring Book: 50 Swear Words To Color Your Anger Away www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1521399158/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_JAZ6VETW4PCYGFWYDXVW?tag=mumsnetforu03-21[/quote]

But if it's the one on Amazon by Alex Fleming with a pink cover it is the top hit and doesn't have any pics showing dodgy content...

That Baylis & Harding gift set isn’t looking so bad now.

In my experience secret Santa gifts are silly and a bit tongue in cheek (if you know your colleagues well enough) if you don’t then it’s probably chocolates / stationary.

I think this colleague was attempting to be funny, since you say you swear a lot of work maybe they thought it was a bit of an inside joke? They probably spent 2 minutes actually buying it, probably read the title and the reviews and thought it might be funny. Doubt they considered if you were an ‘adult colourer’.

Most secret Santa presents go in the bin so just do the same with this one.

@CovidForChristmas

That Baylis & Harding gift set isn’t looking so bad now.

LOL 😂

Oh that's vile. Swearing is OK but that language is misogynistic. If cum dumpster is an example.

I'd hope they'd not looked through much of it and not realised. I hope they aren't out to shock/insult you.

But if I had good relationship with my manager/HR I'd be having a quiet word in case other things happen. It's not acceptable and it pisses me off we accept it and think it's OK to think of women like this.

Maybe tone down the language in the office too. You clearly have a reputation for being swears

Yuck! I actually do a lot of colouring (nothing wrong with being an adult colourer!!) and I'd first be really disappointed with this because I wouldn't colour in it, and second I'd be offended like you.

Secret Santas are a recipe for disaster I think.

I would be offended. It is offensive. Report to HR. Not on.

It should be raised at work if you think the company will handle it well. It's something where if it's a one off then sure, it was probably a mistake, but if it becomes part of a pattern from a certain employee then you'd have to suspect malice here too.

@CrumpledCrumpet

Hmm having found the specific book in question I’m somewhat revising my opinion as even a cursory glance through it would have shown that a lot of the content is very grim. There’s a few generic swears but most of the content is sexual slurs.

Go F*ck Yourself, I'm Coloring: Adult Coloring Book: 50 Swear Words To Color Your Anger Away ]]

Agreed. The full contents are shown in the 2nd (of 2 images) on Amazon.

Out of 52 swear words, I counted 19 which are nastily misogynistic, including whore, bitch, cunt, thunder cunt, slut, slutbag, baggy vag, jizz mopper. It isn't just one nasty word which could easily be missed. And like I say, they are all shown clearly on Amazon.

There's no way this was an innocent mistake. The giver just thought they could get away with it because SS is anonymous. Deal with it now - whilst you've got something clear and undeniable.

@CovidForChristmas

That Baylis & Harding gift set isn’t looking so bad now.

Secret Santa should be banned and anyone suggesting it goes to jail for 12 weeks. In jail, they should have an assigned task of sorting waste and recycling.

Just recycle it.

Get. Over. Yourself.

Maybe they're just as offended by your potty mouth in the office and assume as do I bad language is bad language and also probably didn't look at every page.

I would definitely be making a counter-complaint about your swearing at work if you raised this with HR. I swear and received a sweary birthday gift. It would be hypocritical to take offence.

Yes the pages you refer to are especially offended but anyone in your workplace might be offended by your 'robust swearing'. If you complain, you leave yourself open to a counter complaint.

@karmakameleon

This is absolutely one to take to HR. I’m a senior manager in a professional organisation and if one of my team gave this to a colleague I’d absolutely want to know and they’d probably be facing disciplinary action for sexual harassment. “I didn’t check” wouldn’t be an excuse.

I agree - I would be if someone in my team bought this fro a work Secret Santa

@CovidForChristmas

That Baylis & Harding gift set isn’t looking so bad now.

😂😂😂

@WeaninWoes

Get. Over. Yourself.

Maybe they're just as offended by your potty mouth in the office and assume as do I bad language is bad language and also probably didn't look at every page.

Yes, this.

That’s just inappropriate, in my opinion. A few years ago my ‘secret Santa’ in a professional setting, gave me one of those ‘ball muzzles’ (you know the ones used in sex acts BUT with him being gay he used that as an excuse saying he thought it’d be funny but yet hinted in front of everyone that he thought it appropriate as I’m too opinionated and perhaps needed muzzling hence the muzzle) his passive aggression fell like a lead balloon …and needless to say, his attempts at ‘silencing’ me didn’t work

Unless you're whiter than white I wouldn't embarrass yourself reporting.

Until reading the last few posts I would have said put it in the bin and forget about it and assume that the secret Santa thought it was just regular swear words.

Giving a female coworker a book where 40% of the words are misogynistic sexual slurs isn’t a mistake. As a previous poster said, if it wouldn’t be ok to give a black or Asian coworker a book where 40% of the words were racial slurs then why should this be ok?

@WeaninWoes

Get. Over. Yourself.

Maybe they're just as offended by your potty mouth in the office and assume as do I bad language is bad language and also probably didn't look at every page.

It’s not just swearing words though, it’s deeply misogynistic. Dropping a ‘fuck’ here and there is nowhere near the same as referring to women as ‘cum dumpsters’ is it now?

That sounds gross and highly inappropriate but I expect the giver didn’t look beyond the cover and thought it was humorous.
Is there anyone on the team you know well enough that is unlikely to have sent it and would also be disgusted by the content? Word might soon get around and hopefully the sender will know they crossed a line. A bit passive aggressive I know but will help them understand the offense caused without you having to make a big deal of it.

I would not address the group but I would find out who it is from; how many many people in this secret Santa? I would approach the organiser and say I am about to make a complaint. I would find out who this is from and treat them accordingly 'going forward' (and worse but that's me)

Dreadful gift, for all the reasons you have pointed out. YANBU.

I think it's inappropriate for a work secret santa. As people have mentioned, there's a lot of misogynistic phrases, not just swear words, in it. They're specifically female insults. I suspect also that nobody would have bought a colouring book of any sort for a man.