Crying over misunderstanding

[Onlyrainbows]

Sorry MN I obviously have no one to talk to this time of day. My DH and I had a minor argument over "budgets" we agreed to to budget £500 per DC for clothes and presents (both birthdays and Christmas). He is of the idea that uniforms should be excluded, I think they should be included. Well, we originally agreed we'd let the oldest one about how much there was in there budgets, and the younger ones just tell them that they had a certain budget that counted for everything, so they could play around with it without knowing the amount. We did tell the oldest one, but my DH regrets it and now we have to retract it. We BOTH agreed that this is what needs to happen, bit then he went on about how we're going to disappoint the again. Then the conversation went sideways (he kept drinking during the course of it) but after 3 hours of it I just feel annoyed and sad that there were so many misunderstandings and there's always my upbringing Vs his and trying to make them align when in reay they were very different. He's asleep and I'm crying fairly pointlessly but I don't know what else to do.

I was still going to buy her two bras.

How many does she have, and how many does she need? You seem to set arbitrary amounts for things, without any reference to what is actually needed.

If she is starting from having none, she needs more than 2.

So it’s all still pie in the sky.

You need to have a serious think about how you treat these children as the way you currently treat them is appalling.

Well I've signed my contract, so it's all good now. I do think that most people who are so outraged are not in a blended family and haven't had so much financial woes.

Also - saying that you don't want your kids/stepkids to 'get used to having nice things' is one of the most depressing things I've read.

Is this post for real? Are there admins that follow these threads? I've not been on Mumsnet for long and if this is the norm I think I might be best off out of it. This all feels really off and weird...

Oh no dear.

I have been piss poor. Admittedly not in a blended family but I have been piss poor. Beyond poor.

I managed to put my kids first and adequately clothe them and buy my DD bras without making their school clothes part of their Christmas budget.

You have a seriously fucked up view of kids and how to be towards them. I feel desperately sorry for them.

What the fuck have I just read?

Buy her the damn bras and shove the boob job down the drain.

If you're going to penny pinch over a bloody bra for your daughter sack the boob job and holiday off.

Your warped weird ways are going to project onto your children.

No wonder your husband stepped in.

@Onlyrainbows

Well I've signed my contract, so it's all good now. I do think that most people who are so outraged are not in a blended family and haven't had so much financial woes.

There isn’t a single post that agrees with you. So you reckon of the hundreds of people who’ve replied, plus your own DH, your ex DH etc are all wrong?

I’ve been so poor dear that the heating went off when my kids went to their dads at the weekends and I sat in bed in the winter of 2010 with 2 duvets and a hot water bottle.

I’ve skipped meals to feed my kids.

I’ve gone years without clothes for myself because I was giving all I had to my children.

But my kids never knew and never will.

What you are doing is abusive.

@5thHelena

Is this post for real? Are there admins that follow these threads? I've not been on Mumsnet for long and if this is the norm I think I might be best off out of it. This all feels really off and weird...

I've been here a very long time and it feels off to me as well.

Example, 12yo wants a sloggi bra found black one and white one (decent price) but she wants the pink one which costs double that (which is what made us question the whole essential Vs upgrade). The one thing I don't want my children to get used to is to things they might not be able to afford, it has happened to me and the shock of it isn't nice and IME leaves you dissatisfied with life.

This is so joyless and such a huge projection of your own experience. Rather than not letting them have 'things they might not be able to afford' in future, communicate with them so they know that finances aren't the be all and end all. Help them learn how to budget by allowing them to 'waste' some pocket money rather than removing a gohenry card because she's spent her money on stuff you deem as rubbish. It's how children learn to save and budget.

You're projecting SO much onto them; your low standards when it comes to clean and well fitting clothing, your toxic relationship with money, your strange family dynamic and your skewed perception of parental responsibilities.

I'm a single mum to 2 kids. And I mean really a long parent. Their dad left and we didnt see him for 5 years. No financial help.
My kids were under school age so I was on my own with 2 full nursery bills to pay.

My kids still had clothes which fit, and had their feet measured. As they've grown, they've needed more clothes and more stuff and music lessons and sports clubs and all the rest of it. They get it. Because I understand that my kids will cost more than the child benefit payment and I budget accordingly.

Why the fuck are you having a 10k holiday and a boob job when you haven’t earned any of the 100k yet?

Fucking prioritise getting your daughter more than 2 bras that fit fgs.

If going on holiday means you can't buy your kids basics like bras and shoes, the answer is to not go on holiday (or go camping instead), not to tell your kids they can't have new underwear.

OP never said she can’t or won’t buy the basics. She made the point that if something in a different colour is 3 times the cost, that’s not essential.

*lone parent

@oven because .not having them yet? I haven't booked /paid for any of them it might as well be window shopping.

What about actual essentials? Im loathe to ask because am so incredulous about some of this, but sanitary products, am very hoping these don't come out of their personal budget!

@BoredZelda

Well, she sort of did. She is planning to give them £500 a year and that's it.
School uniform. School shoes. Normal shoes. Every day clothes. Pants. Socks. Underwear. Xmas gifts. Birthday gifts.

Literally everything they need and every gift they want for the entire year will come from that £500.

It's disgusting.

@Onlyrainbows

Well I've signed my contract, so it's all good now. I do think that most people who are so outraged are not in a blended family and haven't had so much financial woes.

Yes there are absolutely no threads on here at all about blended families.

@michelle it has now been agreed that uniforms and underwear definitely don't come out of that £500. Obviously toiletries don't come out of that either (unless they want a perfume, but they haven't reached that age yet)

I do hope the kids aren't coming in this 10k holiday with you op. They might get used to nice things they can't afford when they're older. Like punk bras.

I can't honestly believe that you budget for clothes for your children for the year? I have two very young children admittedly but have no means to predict what they may need in three months time nor what might get broken etc etc. It's general life with children isn't it 🤨 if their shoes get torn I can't expect them to hop for a few months or not get a present at Christmas

On wow! The whole of this thread is theoretical. She won't get her first higher wage for a good month or so.

You need to calm the fuck down OP.

You need to spend like nothing has changed for a few months just because your tax code will probably need to bed in.

I would spend on a few treats though like a family meal out, a pink bra for your daughter.........

@TheCloudsHavePassed

I can't honestly believe that you budget for clothes for your children for the year? I have two very young children admittedly but have no means to predict what they may need in three months time nor what might get broken etc etc. It's general life with children isn't it 🤨 if their shoes get torn I can't expect them to hop for a few months or not get a present at Christmas

Exactly sometimes school shoes would last a term, sometimes they needed three pairs particularly when the little blighters started playing football in them!

[quote Onlyrainbows]@michelle it has now been agreed that uniforms and underwear definitely don't come out of that £500. Obviously toiletries don't come out of that either (unless they want a perfume, but they haven't reached that age yet)[/quote]
@Onlyrainbows
Genuine question - seriously - are you taking any comments on board at all?

You genuinely sound bonkers. FFS at least drop this '£500 per child budget' shit