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Original poster

Crying over misunderstanding

625 replies

Onlyrainbows · 29/12/2021 01:34

Sorry MN I obviously have no one to talk to this time of day. My DH and I had a minor argument over "budgets" we agreed to to budget £500 per DC for clothes and presents (both birthdays and Christmas). He is of the idea that uniforms should be excluded, I think they should be included. Well, we originally agreed we'd let the oldest one about how much there was in there budgets, and the younger ones just tell them that they had a certain budget that counted for everything, so they could play around with it without knowing the amount. We did tell the oldest one, but my DH regrets it and now we have to retract it. We BOTH agreed that this is what needs to happen, bit then he went on about how we're going to disappoint the again. Then the conversation went sideways (he kept drinking during the course of it) but after 3 hours of it I just feel annoyed and sad that there were so many misunderstandings and there's always my upbringing Vs his and trying to make them align when in reay they were very different. He's asleep and I'm crying fairly pointlessly but I don't know what else to do.

OP posts:
Original poster
Onlyrainbows · 30/12/2021 09:39

That's easy to explain. When I go, my family treats us to a beach holiday too, they obviously can't absorb the cost of all 6, so we pay the difference.

OP posts:
Ovenaffray · 30/12/2021 09:40

So now that you’re in the mood for answering, why do you neglect these children and not provide sufficient clothes and underwear?

Original poster
Onlyrainbows · 30/12/2021 09:49

I don't think I'm neglecting them. They DO have clothes and shoes. Yes my daughter could do with more bras that's already established. You make it sound like I never buy them absolutely nothing, which is not the case. They don't go out in rags, yes some might be hand me downs (all by choice).

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 30/12/2021 09:49

@Onlyrainbows

Our budget for groceries is £500 a month and that does include alcohol (for those who were wondering). We've never had this sort of income as a family so believe it or not it's hard to adjust. My daughter has never gone without anything (believe it or not). I buy them most of their shoes from Tkmaxx because they're very good value., It's hard to find leather shoes for that price anywhere else! I haven't booked my holiday, that's how much I'd like to spend, my side of the family hasn't met our toddler and that's how much so many plane tickets, plus everything else that's involved costs. Or I could just go on my own with my two kids, and still spend around £3k, but that wouldn't be fair on the rest of the family would it?
Her feet need proper measuring and its disgraceful on your previous income that you've never done it. You've hardly been poor
Nanny0gg · 30/12/2021 09:51

@Onlyrainbows

I don't think I'm neglecting them. They DO have clothes and shoes. Yes my daughter could do with more bras that's already established. You make it sound like I never buy them absolutely nothing, which is not the case. They don't go out in rags, yes some might be hand me downs (all by choice).
Seriously, why have you posted? You're not taking in anything that's being said.

Do you have any real life friends?
If so, do they not have an opinion on this setup?

Ovenaffray · 30/12/2021 09:52

You do not buy them adequate clothes and shoes and even underwear. This is what you’re admitting to on here - how much worse is it in RL. I am actually appalled. I was in tears last night thinking of those poor kids who are left to go through your wardrobe of 25 year old knickers and clothes in order to get something to wear. It’s awful. Absolutely awful.

Original poster
Onlyrainbows · 30/12/2021 09:57

My daughter has had her feet measured it's my stepdaughter who hasn't. Last time my daughter got them measured is when I hat to buy the gazelles as nothing else would fit. Her mother is in charge of buying her shoes.

OP posts:
Original poster
Onlyrainbows · 30/12/2021 09:59

Go and cry as much as you like as that was taken out of context. My children DO NOT wear my underwear. My daughter likes my clothes and does wear them and my step son (incidentally as we were trying to figure out his clothes size) liked my jeans and asked if he could wear them.

OP posts:
Ovenaffray · 30/12/2021 10:01

You only bought the 12 year old one pair of shoes. From your own posts.

You must know that it’s really bad for growing feet and bad in general to wear hand me down shoes?

Ovenaffray · 30/12/2021 10:02

As if a 16 year old boy wants to wear his step mother’s jeans.

Original poster
Onlyrainbows · 30/12/2021 10:03

BTW I did ask the people who know me and got different answers. Some spend £1000, others £250. One very successful business woman also buys everything at Primark/Tk Maxx because she thinks of they want "branded" stuff they can buy it when they earn their own money. She much prefers to prioritise holidays. A very good friend of mine gave a similar answer.

OP posts:
Ovenaffray · 30/12/2021 10:05

Here’s a radical idea. If you want to know what size clothes they are, use a measuring tape. Or take them shopping and let them try stuff on.

YanTanTethera01 · 30/12/2021 10:09

This whole post has to be a wind up.

ldontWanna · 30/12/2021 10:18

@Onlyrainbows

But she does have some? Plus all the ones that are mine. I do query where are some of her clothes from time to time (it turns out some jeans were left at a friend's house for example). Now I know from what I asked yesterday (and some other comments she made) that she virtually has no clothes in her other house, her dad is in denial but that's a completely different matter.
Her dad is not the only one in denial if it took you this long to ask and realise she has no clothes over there.
Original poster
Onlyrainbows · 30/12/2021 10:20

At a size 6 her feet won't grow so much. My stepson is too petite and never finds anything off the rack, most of the things he has to buy them online.

OP posts:
TenLittleDinos · 30/12/2021 10:22

@Onlyrainbows

BTW I did ask the people who know me and got different answers. Some spend £1000, others £250. One very successful business woman also buys everything at Primark/Tk Maxx because she thinks of they want "branded" stuff they can buy it when they earn their own money. She much prefers to prioritise holidays. A very good friend of mine gave a similar answer.
Do all your friends set an annual budget per childwhich includes clothes/uniform/Christmas and birthday presents? I don’t know anyone who takes that approach to their finances.
TenLittleDinos · 30/12/2021 10:22

What are you hoping to get from this thread?

5thHelena · 30/12/2021 10:23

I've woken up in full expectation that this post will have fizzled out or been removed. unfortunately not. Why is anyone still engaging with this crap the op is clearly unhinged and got nothing better to do than make a load of shit up and have a good laugh at everyone who is responding! Same as the ridiculous lost marriage jacket/car keys/cash bonus debacle. It makes a mockery of the genuine posts on here. Just let it go people....!!

Mummyoflittledragon · 30/12/2021 10:27

@Ovenaffray

You only bought the 12 year old one pair of shoes. From your own posts.

You must know that it’s really bad for growing feet and bad in general to wear hand me down shoes?

Please answer this point @Onlyrainbows

Your dd should not be wearing your shoes systematically.

As I said way upthread, I borrowed my mother’s clothes a few times as I wanted something nice to wear and she wouldn’t buy me them in my size. My friend ended up giving me a pair of her boots and a jacket as my mother just stopped buying me clothes when I was about 13. Not that I was ever bought much at all. She increased my pocket money about a year later. But not enough to buy things I needed. We were very very comfortable. And I’m the one bra only person btw.

Ovenaffray · 30/12/2021 10:30

It’s absolutely appalling that these kids are being treated like this. No matter what way the op tries to explain it it is not normal.

I do t care how many “good friends” you talk to, most normal people buy their teenaged or nearly teenaged children more than one pair of shoes. And they aren’t forced to go through their mum/stepmum’s wardrobe to get clothes to wear. No matter how you try to dress it up as coz you’re so trendy and cool. And alternative.

It’s neglect. Pure and simple neglect.

BlueShirtGuy · 30/12/2021 10:33

One very successful business woman also buys everything at Primark/Tk Maxx because she thinks of they want "branded" stuff they can buy it when they earn their own money.
The difference is that this woman is actually buying her dc clothes instead of dressing them in her clothing and talking about 'their expenses' and not allowing them any Christmas presents if they need shoes that year.

You shouldn't have had children if you didn't want to buy them bras.

Ovenaffray · 30/12/2021 10:33

*don’t

Ovenaffray · 30/12/2021 10:37

I mean. I used to be shit poor and my budget didn’t stretch to designer. I still bought my kids their own clothes. And adequate numbers of knickers and bras. And I didn’t buy them only one pair of shoes because they could wear mine.

As above. You shouldn’t have had kids if you didn’t want to clothe them.

BusterGonad · 30/12/2021 10:41

I can only concede that Onlyrainbows either has a learning disability or mental health issues. This whole thread is total bullshit. Earning 60,000+...ha ha.

icedcoffees · 30/12/2021 11:18

@Onlyrainbows

BTW I did ask the people who know me and got different answers. Some spend £1000, others £250. One very successful business woman also buys everything at Primark/Tk Maxx because she thinks of they want "branded" stuff they can buy it when they earn their own money. She much prefers to prioritise holidays. A very good friend of mine gave a similar answer.
There's nothing wrong with not buying branded clothes, or only spending a certain amount on clothes (ie. having a budget of £5 for a t-shirt instead of £20) if that's all you can afford.

But that's nothing like what you've described at all.