Crying over misunderstanding

[Onlyrainbows]

Sorry MN I obviously have no one to talk to this time of day. My DH and I had a minor argument over "budgets" we agreed to to budget £500 per DC for clothes and presents (both birthdays and Christmas). He is of the idea that uniforms should be excluded, I think they should be included. Well, we originally agreed we'd let the oldest one about how much there was in there budgets, and the younger ones just tell them that they had a certain budget that counted for everything, so they could play around with it without knowing the amount. We did tell the oldest one, but my DH regrets it and now we have to retract it. We BOTH agreed that this is what needs to happen, bit then he went on about how we're going to disappoint the again. Then the conversation went sideways (he kept drinking during the course of it) but after 3 hours of it I just feel annoyed and sad that there were so many misunderstandings and there's always my upbringing Vs his and trying to make them align when in reay they were very different. He's asleep and I'm crying fairly pointlessly but I don't know what else to do.

@Onlyrainbows

He called my parents bastards/assholes and told me I was weird. That's never pleasant from your DH.

Yeah if you tried to back up your abuse I’ve attitude to money with reference to your parents, it’s totally fair for him to call them bastards

@flowers that'd when we had a joint income of £2300 pcm.... The £5k pcm is whenever I get my first paycheck in the new year.

FFS, is this thread testing the water for a new, dark Will Sharpe sitcom?

You're starting a high flying new career and don't have a bra that fits, but, let me guess - a couple of your dad's old threadbare hankies from the rag pile knotted together will do until you get the boob job

I suppose there’s no point buying yourself bras that fit if you’re going for a boob job when you’re on your holiday right enough.

@saltinesandcoffeecups

I do agree about budgeting to some extent but I don't think it's realistic to have the same budget for each child given the difference in ages.

@luba no I don't have bra from when I was 16 (I think I left them at home and they're too big anyways) but I do still have some knickers from when I was 13. They're Hanes her way, clearly super long lasting!

Op we diverge much more

We have two pots for dc, one for general expenses like clothes/school stuff.. /trips, lunches

Another one for lessons /tutors etc.

Another one I built up very slowly which has a few hundred in each for their own clothes choices, older teen has access to this card

Younger doesn't.

Eg one used some of that money for a lap top and her bday money from nanna.

I still try and pay into it every month.

So I would divide it all up more and give older one their own money and keep that separate from your money for them dc.

We just pay into all these on a rolling basis and don't aim for x amount.

We also have many other funds we pay into. Pretty much every penny is accounted for, including saving toward Xmas and holidays.

@Ovenaffray

I suppose there’s no point buying yourself bras that fit if you’re going for a boob job when you’re on your holiday right enough.

Think she’s getting the boob job so they fit the bras she’s already got!

@Onlyrainbows

Bras that actually fit zero. My newest bra is 4 years old. I don't mind my bras though.

Why?! Why are you on £60k and now £100k with no bras that fit? Having poorly fitting bras is bad for you - it can cause neck, shoulder and back pain, bad posture, grooves in your shoulders and pressure pains.

You're projecting your own low standards onto your children and it's unfair. Your stance seems to be that they should care about what you care about and not give a shit about stuff you don't give a shit about, but that's not how the real world works!

Your children need properly fitting clothes for their growing bodies. It's disgraceful some of them have never had shoes properly fitted when you've had a salary that is perfectly capable of buying sensible shoes including a fitting in store.

Now you're being miserly about underwear! What's next, telling her she can only use the most basic sanitary pads or tampons because they're what you've always used so she mustn't be spoiled?

No @idont I actually want smaller boobs, so I'd end up needing 30B or something like that. My current ones are 34C I think. The one I'm wearing is definitely from 4 years ago, my t-shirt is from 2007.

Op to be serious. This is fucked up. So fucked up. Your poor kids.

@Onlyrainbows

No *@idont* I actually want smaller boobs, so I'd end up needing 30B or something like that. My current ones are 34C I think. The one I'm wearing is definitely from 4 years ago, my t-shirt is from 2007.

Such a martyr....

@youvegot until not that long ago I was on minimum wage (or very close). Their parents have been the same and I'm guessing that's why they've never had properly fitted shoes.

WHY WON’T YOU LISTEN TO ANYTHING THAT ANYONE ELSE IS SAYING?!?!?!

Total brick wall and absolute waste of time. Can’t be real, someone being so unable to take it on board

[quote Onlyrainbows]@youvegot until not that long ago I was on minimum wage (or very close). Their parents have been the same and I'm guessing that's why they've never had properly fitted shoes. [/quote]
So since they stopped being on minimum wage to now, they still haven't had a proper shoe fitting?

This is bizarre. Absolutely bizarre.

Not only your stance on all this but the fact you don't seem to grasp how nasty it is for your kids!

[quote Onlyrainbows]@youvegot until not that long ago I was on minimum wage (or very close). Their parents have been the same and I'm guessing that's why they've never had properly fitted shoes. [/quote]
My only take from this is how'd you go from minimum wage to 100k so quickly?
Oh and the grim bit about your dh having to advocate that your teenage daughter shouldn't be getting denied being bought a new bra.

To be clear, I meant:

So since your partner and his ex stopped being on minimum wage to now, their kids still haven't had a proper shoe fitting?

@youvegot I'm still technically unemployed. So today, our joint income is £24k. It's still one month until I get my first paycheck.

It's joint, it's £100k joint. I want through some very bad years, but up to some point in 2018 I was a high earner and ten I just couldn't find a decent paid job until about a month ago, but I start in the new year.

I never denied my daughter a bra... I was just telling her (as an example) that two was better than one for the same price. I was still going to buy her two bras.

So have you started this 100k from min wage job yet?

X post. So it’s still only pie on the sky. You haven’t actually started yet.

One thing is sure, it's not your listening skills or people skills that have got you this well paid job.

OP - do you have any thoughts at all about the fact that people are almost unanimously saying that treating essential purchases for your children like this is a horrible thing to do?

No, I start in 12 days :). There were 5 months this year when I was on £34k, and unemplyoed for three.

@Onlyrainbows

I never denied my daughter a bra... I was just telling her (as an example) that two was better than one for the same price. I was still going to buy her two bras.

But you made a fuss about it. Your DH had to step in. You have the disposable income now to get your daughter a bra she wants without it being such a bloody headache. She wasn't asking for a new car!

You're going to suck all the joy out of the next few years if you carry on like this. They'll grow increasingly resentful and when they have kids of their own, you run the risk of them reflecting on your behaviour and being shocked that you made the decisions you did.

Guilt tripping a teen girl for wanting a pink bra, despite having a £100k household income to spend as of next month. Horrible.