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AIBU?

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Original poster

Crying over misunderstanding

625 replies

Onlyrainbows · 29/12/2021 01:34

Sorry MN I obviously have no one to talk to this time of day. My DH and I had a minor argument over "budgets" we agreed to to budget £500 per DC for clothes and presents (both birthdays and Christmas). He is of the idea that uniforms should be excluded, I think they should be included. Well, we originally agreed we'd let the oldest one about how much there was in there budgets, and the younger ones just tell them that they had a certain budget that counted for everything, so they could play around with it without knowing the amount. We did tell the oldest one, but my DH regrets it and now we have to retract it. We BOTH agreed that this is what needs to happen, bit then he went on about how we're going to disappoint the again. Then the conversation went sideways (he kept drinking during the course of it) but after 3 hours of it I just feel annoyed and sad that there were so many misunderstandings and there's always my upbringing Vs his and trying to make them align when in reay they were very different. He's asleep and I'm crying fairly pointlessly but I don't know what else to do.

OP posts:
Original poster
Onlyrainbows · 29/12/2021 17:59

@Pips that's more or less what I've tried to do so far but the sales.are on, and now all of them need some sort of clothing.

OP posts:
plm456 · 29/12/2021 18:00

I can see some of where you're coming from. We're well off enough that I'm fortunate in not having to budget for clothes, food etc.

I try to teach my kids the value of money so, if they're asking for something I think is unnecessarily expensive (e.g. custom designed Nikes or a RL polo shirt), it's either a Christmas or birthday present or they use their own money (saved from birthdays etc as we don't give them pocket money). Or they make up the difference to the more expensive ones themselves. They're also good at waiting until sales or using discount codes.

I'm also happy to splurge on holidays as I'd rather have the happy memories than more clutter and things in my house. But I'm afraid you've lost me after that and I think you may be scrimping rather relative to your household income. I hate spending money on things I deem a waste but it's also there to be enjoyed and your kids won't be young/dependants for ever.

Pipsquiggle · 29/12/2021 18:09

[quote Onlyrainbows]@Pips that's more or less what I've tried to do so far but the sales.are on, and now all of them need some sort of clothing. [/quote]
Buy what they need and what you can afford now - do not include future earnings.

Post Christmas sales don't necessarily give you the best value (but that's a different thread). I work in retail and they are just selling off the dregs - sometimes you get a bargain but often not

icedcoffees · 29/12/2021 18:10

@BoredZelda

If going on holiday means you can't buy your kids basics like bras and shoes, the answer is to not go on holiday (or go camping instead), not to tell your kids they can't have new underwear.

OP never said she can’t or won’t buy the basics. She made the point that if something in a different colour is 3 times the cost, that’s not essential.

Yes, she did.

She said she was planning on giving her children £500 each per year in order to cover all clothes, gifts and shoes. Originally that was to include uniform but she finally conceded that she was being irrational on that front.

Not everything you buy your kids has to be "essential only" ffs. Her 12yo was asking for a pink bra ffs, not a bloody mercedes or brand new computer!

icedcoffees · 29/12/2021 18:13

[quote Onlyrainbows]@Pips that's more or less what I've tried to do so far but the sales.are on, and now all of them need some sort of clothing. [/quote]
The answer to this is to take them out and get them what they need without keeping track of what you've spent per person. If they need something, they need it - it doesn't matter if their siblings get less spent on them - it will even out across the years.

What you don't do it is write it all down on a spreadsheet and take it off their Christmas budget in 12 months time!

Broads93 · 29/12/2021 18:14

My personal opinion, uniform should not be included. Yes you have bought this for them but they won't get any joy from wearing it, I just see it as abit of a naff "gift".

SleepingStandingUp · 29/12/2021 18:14

Op how many bras does your child have?

Original poster
Onlyrainbows · 29/12/2021 18:25

@sleeping only two (which I do fi f unacceptable) her dad said he'd buy her more but he didn't
.

OP posts:
Bunce1 · 29/12/2021 18:27

You’re financially inept.

MichelleScarn · 29/12/2021 18:28

[quote Onlyrainbows]@sleeping only two (which I do fi f unacceptable) her dad said he'd buy her more but he didn't
.[/quote]
So why haven't you then?

2022newname · 29/12/2021 18:28

[quote Onlyrainbows]@sleeping only two (which I do fi f unacceptable) her dad said he'd buy her more but he didn't
.[/quote]
Ffs this is your daughter yes? How long has she been waiting on her dad to buy her a bra? Neglect

Original poster
Onlyrainbows · 29/12/2021 18:30

Last time I checked.was three months, he's an adult and usually keeps his word, this is the first he doesn't follow through.

OP posts:
MichelleScarn · 29/12/2021 18:35

That's a bloody disgrace, leaving her in the wrong size bra at that growing age to prove a point.
Diabolical parenting.

2022newname · 29/12/2021 18:36

Ok this is super weird. Your daughter I assume is yours and ex-h. I would hazard a guess that you do her washing and know she had only two bras and has done for at least three months. This is not ok.

icedcoffees · 29/12/2021 18:38

[quote Onlyrainbows]@sleeping only two (which I do fi f unacceptable) her dad said he'd buy her more but he didn't
.[/quote]
Generally girls feel more comfortable having their mums' buy their bras...

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 29/12/2021 18:39

@mnhq

Is this for real?!

Ovenaffray · 29/12/2021 18:40

And it hasn’t occurred to you that she might not want to go with a man (even if he is her dad) to buy a bra?

Come on op.

2022newname · 29/12/2021 18:40

Honestly the picture you are starting to paint isn’t just odd, it’s one that would have SS involved. I get the issues with a blended family, but you’re talking about leaving your own daughter without the basics. Which leads me to believe that there may be other things you’re weirdly scrimping on.

How many sets of bedding do you have for each child?

If you’re for real, I think what you need may be parenting classes tbh.

Ovenaffray · 29/12/2021 18:41

It is v definitely not ok to have left her with two bras and not sure if they are the right size for 3 bloody months just to prove a point. Disgraceful and abusive.

Ovenaffray · 29/12/2021 18:41

I think you need SS involvement too.

This is neglect and emotionally abusive.

Original poster
Onlyrainbows · 29/12/2021 18:42

@iced she has a stepmum that side and HE said he'd ask her to buy them. I just respected his wishes.

OP posts:
Ovenaffray · 29/12/2021 18:42

Fuckksake op. You respected his wishes my shiny red arse. This is YOUR DAUGHTER who you are failing to provide adequate underwear for. Ffs.

Ovenaffray · 29/12/2021 18:44

This has to be a safeguarding concern at school - child with inadequate underwear? Someone here must know, can anyone tell me?

This is shocking and so so so wrong. This poor wee girl I’m absolutely heartbroken for her.

@mnhq can you do anything? Please?

danidandan · 29/12/2021 18:46

Your daughter is a growing, and heading to puberty.

It's your bloody responsibility, you are DUTY BOUND to provide for her. Whether the dad has agreed to buy her bras or not, to make her comfortable and provide her with the BASICS she needs.

She probably wants you to buy them as you're a woman, her mum, and she feels more comfortable with you.

Youre neglectful and abusive and I hope to god someone in real life reports you to SS.

This is disgraceful.

MichelleScarn · 29/12/2021 18:46

'Respected his wishes' how wonderfully caring of you.. if they needed anything else new and he'd said he get them and didn't would you just leave it?

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