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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Crying over misunderstanding

625 replies

Onlyrainbows · 29/12/2021 01:34

Sorry MN I obviously have no one to talk to this time of day. My DH and I had a minor argument over "budgets" we agreed to to budget £500 per DC for clothes and presents (both birthdays and Christmas). He is of the idea that uniforms should be excluded, I think they should be included. Well, we originally agreed we'd let the oldest one about how much there was in there budgets, and the younger ones just tell them that they had a certain budget that counted for everything, so they could play around with it without knowing the amount. We did tell the oldest one, but my DH regrets it and now we have to retract it. We BOTH agreed that this is what needs to happen, bit then he went on about how we're going to disappoint the again. Then the conversation went sideways (he kept drinking during the course of it) but after 3 hours of it I just feel annoyed and sad that there were so many misunderstandings and there's always my upbringing Vs his and trying to make them align when in reay they were very different. He's asleep and I'm crying fairly pointlessly but I don't know what else to do.

OP posts:
Dillydilly01 · 29/12/2021 16:36

I think your budget is too low if it includes uniforms, clothes, underwear, shoes and birthday and Christmas gifts, given you can clearly afford to spend more. You sound completely joyless.

Original poster
Onlyrainbows · 29/12/2021 16:37

@itsalmost my daughter goes to a few paid by her child benefit (that's the arrangement I have with her father) the other two have never had an interest, the youngest goes to brownies. It's only the oldest one that needs money for socialising, I have no idea if my DH funded any of it as for the most part their expenses were not necessarily from the joint pot (DH chooses to that, but in the new year all expenses should come from the same pot).

OP posts:
secular39 · 29/12/2021 16:39

School uniform should not be included in a Christmas/ gist budget, that's ridiculous. Lower the budget per gift (£200.00 is more than plenty for each child).

Itsalmostanaccessory · 29/12/2021 16:43

Do you actually understand that child benefit is not designed to cover all the expenses of your children?

The way you treat them is bizarre. Like, you think child benefit should cover all their expenses and you shouldn't have to put your hand in your pocket ever.

Kids cost money. You've chosen to have them. They are going to cost more than £500 a year. Y9u earned a decent amount before. Now you're going to be earning a sizeable amount. Start proving for your kids instead of buying the cheapest shit you can find.

AlDanvers · 29/12/2021 16:44

I'm signing off because I came here for some sort of support not to be berated for my storytelling style, wanting to go on holiday with the kids, and trying to figure out a middle ground for a type of lifestyle that the DC have never experienced before.*

But did earn the same money a few years ago.

And you are really not being berated for wanting to go on holiday.

Love how you drop in that he called you names, this far in.

You really enjoy twisting reality so that you look like the injured party

Evilcountspatula · 29/12/2021 16:47

@Mousemay; @redbigbananafeet don’t forget Asda as well Grin

ChateauxNeufDePoop · 29/12/2021 16:49

[quote Onlyrainbows]@rino my daughter had a gohenry and she wasted it all, do much that in the end her father and I decided there was no point (and that was after a couple of years).

I really don't mind whatever you think of my syntax or lack of it. Quite frankly I was annoyed as.my DH started to call me names for something he ultimately agrees is OK (apart from the uniforms and basics but I get that point now). My ex-husband is just as bad as he just bought her an iPhone whatever but had no idea she was only wearing my clothes for the most part.

I'm signing off because I came here for some sort of support not to be berated for my storytelling style, wanting to go on holiday with the kids, and trying to figure out a middle ground for a type of lifestyle that the DC have never experienced before. [/quote]
I know other posters do this from time to time and sometimes I think it's childish but in this case I don't mind saying don't let the door hit you on the way out and I'm still clinging to the hope this isn't genuine.

You might not have had support (because you're batshit) but I hope at least you've taken the comments on board.

2022newname · 29/12/2021 16:57

Ah what names did he call you? Did they start with the word tight?

icedcoffees · 29/12/2021 17:00

I'm signing off because I came here for some sort of support not to be berated for my storytelling style, wanting to go on holiday with the kids, and trying to figure out a middle ground for a type of lifestyle that the DC have never experienced before.

Talk about completely missing the point.

Original poster
Onlyrainbows · 29/12/2021 17:00

In the past, when I was on similar incomes, we'd spend what £2500 for a family of three (there was usually some left over and a few designer goods for all three), when you add it up we've budgeted about £3k for a family of three. Which might not seem like a lot more but three members are only part time. Over the years I'm a lot less about designer (I don't need any more bags) and now I have a husband that cares a lot less about brands.

OP posts:
youvegottenminuteslynn · 29/12/2021 17:01

Again, how many bras do you own OP? Don't you want your daughter to have comfortable underwear that fits her and (gasp) she actually likes? As a PP said, choose a holiday that costs £9970 and get her the bloody pink bra. Stop making life more joyless than it needs to be. And start listening to what people are saying. You don't seem to be doing that.

Original poster
Onlyrainbows · 29/12/2021 17:02

He called my parents bastards/assholes and told me I was weird. That's never pleasant from your DH.

OP posts:
Offmyfence · 29/12/2021 17:02

@Onlyrainbows

In the past, when I was on similar incomes, we'd spend what £2500 for a family of three (there was usually some left over and a few designer goods for all three), when you add it up we've budgeted about £3k for a family of three. Which might not seem like a lot more but three members are only part time. Over the years I'm a lot less about designer (I don't need any more bags) and now I have a husband that cares a lot less about brands.
But this isn't about what you like or don't like? It's about your children?
youvegottenminuteslynn · 29/12/2021 17:02

@Onlyrainbows

He called my parents bastards/assholes and told me I was weird. That's never pleasant from your DH.
Neither is your behaviour OP. Distinctly unpleasant, in fact.
Offmyfence · 29/12/2021 17:02

@Onlyrainbows

He called my parents bastards/assholes and told me I was weird. That's never pleasant from your DH.
But it's nothing to do with your spending on your children.
Original poster
Onlyrainbows · 29/12/2021 17:03

Bras that actually fit zero. My newest bra is 4 years old. I don't mind my bras though.

OP posts:
Rinoachicken · 29/12/2021 17:03

I get that she was ‘wasting’ her gohenry money, but her wanting a more expensive item would have been the perfect time to help her learn.

i.e I will buy you these 4 bras - if you you want the pink one you can use your money for that.

Though tbh bras of any colour are a necessity, not a luxury, but assuming you are otherwise kitting her out adequately, then yes, you could say no to a more expensive one unless she was willing to buy or contribute - if she wants it that much she would save for it.

Part of kids learning about money is allowing them to make poor choices and learn the hard way

2022newname · 29/12/2021 17:05

@Onlyrainbows

He called my parents bastards/assholes and told me I was weird. That's never pleasant from your DH.
So like EVERYONE on this thread then? Your parents do seem to have given you money hang ups and you are being weird.
BusterGonad · 29/12/2021 17:05

The Ops responses get crazier by the minute. Poor kids.

Offmyfence · 29/12/2021 17:07

@Onlyrainbows

Bras that actually fit zero. My newest bra is 4 years old. I don't mind my bras though.
You have no bras that fit? WTF!
Itsalmostanaccessory · 29/12/2021 17:10

You might not give a shit about having clothes that fit but you absolutely need to provide appropriate clothing which fits for your children.

A developing young woman needs measured for bras and needs a clean on for everyday.

You entire attitude is totally wrong.

Sort yourself out.

icedcoffees · 29/12/2021 17:11

@Onlyrainbows

Bras that actually fit zero. My newest bra is 4 years old. I don't mind my bras though.
That's not normal at all, though.

Please don't force your behaviours on your children, it's not fair.

Rinoachicken · 29/12/2021 17:11

Oh and I also would not allow my child to routinely raid my wardrobe like that. My clothes are my property, and respecting other people’s property is important. Yes I’d loan specific things for a specific occasion, but I wouldn’t be allowing my daughter to just treat my wardrobe as an extension of her own. Especially given her very dismissive response when challenged on it - if she sees it and likes it she gets to wear it whenever she feels like it - even though it doesn’t belong to her?! Sure that attitude will win her lots of friends when she’s house-sharing at uni Hmm

Ovenaffray · 29/12/2021 17:12

So you want a boob job and a 10k holiday but won’t adequately clothe your children?

That is some seriously fucked up shit.

Flowers500 · 29/12/2021 17:12

@Onlyrainbows

In the past, when I was on similar incomes, we'd spend what £2500 for a family of three (there was usually some left over and a few designer goods for all three), when you add it up we've budgeted about £3k for a family of three. Which might not seem like a lot more but three members are only part time. Over the years I'm a lot less about designer (I don't need any more bags) and now I have a husband that cares a lot less about brands.
You’re blatantly lying throughout this thread, either this is true or other posts are. You talk about only buying shoes in tkmaxx, refusing them a third bra. Like hell am I believing blatant lies.