Page 14 | Crying over misunderstanding

Onlyrainbows · 2021-12-29T01:34:40+00:00

Sorry MN I obviously have no one to talk to this time of day. My DH and I had a minor argument over "budgets" we agreed to to budget £500 per DC for clothes and presents (both birthdays and Christmas). He is of the idea that uniforms should be excluded, I think they should be included. Well, we originally agreed we'd let the oldest one about how much there was in there budgets, and the younger ones just tell them that they had a certain budget that counted for everything, so they could play around with it without knowing the amount. We did tell the oldest one, but my DH regrets it and now we have to retract it. We BOTH agreed that this is what needs to happen, bit then he went on about how we're going to disappoint the again. Then the conversation went sideways (he kept drinking during the course of it) but after 3 hours of it I just feel annoyed and sad that there were so many misunderstandings and there's always my upbringing Vs his and trying to make them align when in reay they were very different. He's asleep and I'm crying fairly pointlessly but I don't know what else to do.

AlDanvers · 29/12/2021 13:11

You have to taking the actual piss.

You said the pink one was twice as much as the white. So won't spend (at most) £60 on 3 bras. But will plan on spending 10k in a holiday....and perhaps a boob job for yourself? And alcohol for your dh?

But 3 bras is an extravagance?

It appears things are only allowed to be bought if you think they are important. Is that just how you are generally? Or is this because you earn more?

Because that attitude is usually called financial abuse.

Pipsquiggle · 29/12/2021 13:22

@Onlyrainbows

The takeaway is uniforms and essentials should be included and top ups can come from either a) a separate allowance or b) a bigger present budget than their usual £150.

@Onlyrainbows - No. Posters are saying much more than this. You are totally missing so much. I really hope you are taking away more than this from this thread. This is a learning opportunity for you, literally everyone is saying you need to relax and not be so rigid about 'the budget'

For starters - buy the pink bra for your daughter, just for fun. Yes the black and white ones are more practical but just go for it!

Hotyogahotchoc · 29/12/2021 13:30

FGS OP can you not buy her 3 bras (or more?)??

Itsalmostanaccessory · 29/12/2021 13:34

She needs more than 1 white and 1 black bra. She needs at least a few of each plain bras for under school shirts. And yeah, a couple or colourful ones. Being a girl going through puberty isnt fun. Get her a couple colourful bras as well as 5 or so white/black ones.

Stop being so bloody tight and provide the basics for your children.

PurpleThursdays · 29/12/2021 13:39

When I was a teen, my mum would buy me multiple bras throughout the year. Because a) they are an essential purchase, b) I didnt get a job til I was 16 and c) teenagers grow a lot.

We were poor, I was the 4th child of 4 from a working class background. But my parents always did what they could and provided for me regardless. I knew we didnt have much money but I wouldn't have gone without underwear and shoes.

In essence, just buy your daughter what she needs. You can afford to treat her once in a while too. I must admit that my adult head says "why buy one pink bra when I can buy a black one and white one for the same price?" And as I'm a single parent on low income these are the kind of decisions I have to make all the the time. But your circumstances are massively different. I could only dream of warning 100k! Honestly, I'd buy your daughter the nice bra and then some more general ones.

PurpleThursdays · 29/12/2021 13:40

And definitely dont include uniform costs in a gift budget.

Drunkpanda · 29/12/2021 14:12

Anyone else feel the urge to buy their dc some spare bras/socks whatever just now?

IHateCoronavirus · 29/12/2021 14:14

DD doesn’t even have breasts yet and I’m tempted

BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 29/12/2021 14:14

@Drunkpanda

Anyone else feel the urge to buy their dc some spare bras/socks whatever just now?

Yes and she really doesn't need. This thread is making me think that perhaps I should start sorting out a clothing allowance for her, currently she tends to get anything she wants but she tends to want less than she needs

Original poster

Onlyrainbows · 29/12/2021 14:17

Our budget for groceries is £500 a month and that does include alcohol (for those who were wondering). We've never had this sort of income as a family so believe it or not it's hard to adjust. My daughter has never gone without anything (believe it or not). I buy them most of their shoes from Tkmaxx because they're very good value., It's hard to find leather shoes for that price anywhere else! I haven't booked my holiday, that's how much I'd like to spend, my side of the family hasn't met our toddler and that's how much so many plane tickets, plus everything else that's involved costs. Or I could just go on my own with my two kids, and still spend around £3k, but that wouldn't be fair on the rest of the family would it?

OP posts:

lynntheyresexswappers · 29/12/2021 14:21

You're happy to pay for plastic surgery, a 10k Holiday (which you most certainly DO NOT deserve by the way), and alcohol, but you refuse to buy your daughter or step daughter, I can't keep up - more than two bras?! Are you fucking joking? If you can blow 10k on a holiday, you can spend more than £500 a year on each child including their bloody essentials. Why, why are you budgeting things these kids need and acting like you're doing them a massive favour?
Do they even have enough clothes for a 2 weeks holiday because it doesn't bloody sound like it!
Get a grip and buy the kids some bloody clothing for Christ sakes.
This thread has actually infuriated me. Completely self centred parents that cannot fathom how they could possibly be tight fisted wankpuffins.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 29/12/2021 14:22

How many bras do you have OP?

ChateauxNeufDePoop · 29/12/2021 14:26

@Onlyrainbows

Our budget for groceries is £500 a month and that does include alcohol (for those who were wondering). We've never had this sort of income as a family so believe it or not it's hard to adjust. My daughter has never gone without anything (believe it or not). I buy them most of their shoes from Tkmaxx because they're very good value., It's hard to find leather shoes for that price anywhere else! I haven't booked my holiday, that's how much I'd like to spend, my side of the family hasn't met our toddler and that's how much so many plane tickets, plus everything else that's involved costs. Or I could just go on my own with my two kids, and still spend around £3k, but that wouldn't be fair on the rest of the family would it?

Oh my god my laptop is going through the window soon if you don't start making sense so I hope you've budgeted for that too! I've rarely known an OP plough on so oblivious to the feedback.

You are overly obsessed with what sounds like a miserly budget from your kids perspective.

Original poster

Onlyrainbows · 29/12/2021 14:31

Ok so here it goes again, do I visit my family that does add up to £3k (without any sort of holiday) and not take half the family?

OP posts:

Anordinarymum · 29/12/2021 14:33

[quote Onlyrainbows]@stompy my DH came up with a similar scenario but for underwear. He said our eldest daughter should have a higher budget because bras are a necessity that a 16uo doesn't have, but then, where do you draw the line? Historically they've only ever got around £75 for birthdays and Xmas (each so £250 between the two). [/quote]
Is this a real life thread or am I missing something here. I have an urge to laugh at the underwear part

Anordinarymum · 29/12/2021 14:34

@Onlyrainbows

Ok so here it goes again, do I visit my family that does add up to £3k (without any sort of holiday) and not take half the family?

Which half top or bottom?

Drunkpanda · 29/12/2021 14:36

Forget the holiday for now, sort out the clothes

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 29/12/2021 14:37

You are being abusive to our kids. OP. Are they your kids? I am now wondering what job you do as you come across as bonkers here.

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 29/12/2021 14:37

*Your

youvegottenminuteslynn · 29/12/2021 14:38

Here's a crazy idea, why not have the £10k holiday AND buy your daughter the bra she would like?! Or three bras?! Because funnily enough, spending an extra £30 or so on her underwear isn't going to make your life any harder but might make hers a bit nicer.

Drunkpanda · 29/12/2021 14:39

Have a £9770 holiday and get some bras.

Drunkpanda · 29/12/2021 14:40

Oops, £9970

ShowMeTheSugar · 29/12/2021 14:40

Ok so here it goes again, do I visit my family that does add up to £3k (without any sort of holiday) and not take half the family?

Over buying basics like properly fitted shoes and a reasonable amount of underwear? Of course you prioritise the kids over a fucking holiday. If you can't do both, then forget Mexico and sort the kids.

JSL52 · 29/12/2021 14:43

@Onlyrainbows

Our budget for groceries is £500 a month and that does include alcohol (for those who were wondering). We've never had this sort of income as a family so believe it or not it's hard to adjust. My daughter has never gone without anything (believe it or not). I buy them most of their shoes from Tkmaxx because they're very good value., It's hard to find leather shoes for that price anywhere else! I haven't booked my holiday, that's how much I'd like to spend, my side of the family hasn't met our toddler and that's how much so many plane tickets, plus everything else that's involved costs. Or I could just go on my own with my two kids, and still spend around £3k, but that wouldn't be fair on the rest of the family would it?

News flash ! You earn £100k a year ( doing god knows what )

You can afford to buy your kids shoes and clothes without having to look in TKMaxx for the cheapest ones you can find.

Is your plan to give them £500 on January 1st and hope it lasts all year ?

Or have you got separate little pots for all of them ?

ChateauxNeufDePoop · 29/12/2021 14:43

@Onlyrainbows

Ok so here it goes again, do I visit my family that does add up to £3k (without any sort of holiday) and not take half the family?

Impossible to say as that's not really the issue. Sort a better budget that doesn't have a young girl begging for an extra bra then work out what you have left for luxuries. Whether you're on 10k or 100k p/a that's how it works. Essentials then luxuries.