To be potentially homeless when I’m old?

[Dogmummy1980]

I’ve been with DP now for 2.5 years and we moved in together a few months ago - me moving into his house. I was renting a property previously and also moved in with debts that are now almost clear. We have 4 kids, 2 each, none together. I’ve always said if it is that we split I would never claim for his house - I don’t own a property and his is mortgaged but in the instance we split it wouldnt feel right me doing so. He is divorced and it was their marital home. I pay half of the household outgoings each month

However my mind is niggling at me - if we are together until he dies then what then for me? When I’ve brought it up he has simply said to trust that his kids/family wouldn’t see me having to move out immediately. Whaaaattt??? He has also now claimed I am asking this as I am after money - I’m absolutely not as my only question has been if/when we were elderly. I am also aware I would never be in his will - the entire lot would be for his kids. I’m a benefactor in my mums will so eventually I would be ok money wise (as much as I hate to think of this idea)

So essentially for me to ensure I have somewhere to live when I am old I would need to buy a property and rent it out for the next goodness knows how long - something I really don’t want to have to do but I see no other way to protect myself when I’m old. I rented out my now sold (at a loss) property before and it’s been all manners of hassle.

AIBU to think this is ridiculous that I’m having to do this? That you either want to build a life with someone or you don’t??? And certainly if you are planning on spending to next 30+ years with someone you wouldn’t just expect your DP to leave their home at that sort of age in those circumstances?? I just feel lost/bereft - huge mix of emotions really!

@AndSoFinally

You say if you split up you wouldn't go after half his house, but do you realise that if you're not married and the house is in his sole name, that you literally couldn't go after half his house even if you wanted to?

You have absolutely no claim on this asset, even if you were paying the mortgage in full.

Stop paying any of the mortgage. Pay half the other bills. Use your money to buy a house and rent it (I know it's a hassle), as this is the only way you'll have an asset of your own.

This isn't correct.

If OP has contributed to mortgage and / or home improvements she would have an equitable claim over the property according to the value she put in.

This is why you don't take financial or legal advice from randoms on the internet and you go and see an actual solicitor.

Also is he divorced op? A lady posted on here recently very upset her partner of 20 plus years had died still married to his wife and no will. She was angry at his wife for being grabby but her boyfriend (who had known he was dying) had left her in a awful position.
Don’t rely on promises of family doing right thing. I always think of sense and sensibility scene where son promises dad on death bed he’ll take care of his dad’s second wife and his two half sisters and son’s wife persuades him dad didn’t mean financially.

"However in his position I wouldn't be handing over my children's inheritance to a new partner (who is still paying off debts) of a couple of years who has lived in the house a few weeks and is already pondering my assets."

Agree with this.

I pay half of the bills/mortgage - full amount worked out and literally halved
Then there is a conversation to be had about your money paying off a mortgage on a property you've got no claim on.

As for others I’m in a better position moving in and being able to pay my debts off, I changed my job and earn a lot more now enabling me to pay off over £1k per month - so financially I could afford to buy a property to rent out but just it’s the fact that I feel hurt that this is the only way I can ensure I have a roof over my head rather than it being that we’ve moved in together and making a life
You're annoyed that you're in a position to save a substantial amount of money but you're upset and hurt that you need to use your money to invest wisely?

Personally, I would move out of his property and buy your own property that's yours rather than fund part of his mortgage. I doubt you'd want to do that though as you've said you're in a better position living at his and you're upset at the idea of paying for your own property.

It just feels like he’s really not arsed either way what would happen if the worst happened
That sounds to me like the start of emotional blackmail and guilt tripping and your partner is probably picking up on this.

Relationships that happen when there already older children are very different to two people in early adulthood without children. You both have your lives and you have your assets and you have your children. The decision is how much you each want to blend assets and arrange your finances between your children and new partner.

I'd be deeply suspicious of a new partner with debts eyeing up my assets and turning on the but don't you care about me, what if you die, I'm so upset that the only way to have a roof over my head is to take responsibility for my finances instead of grabbing yours .

Trying to claim an equitable interest in a property is not straightforward and would be very expensive to pursue. Much better for OP to get her position sorted now than try and deal with if they split or he dies. It’s sensible not money grabbing.

I think this is difficult.Clearly at this point it is too soon for you to have any claims on his house. However, if your username is your date birth then I would absolutely assume that if I am with someone from 41 till say 81 and pay bills and mortgage that I get a roof over my head. It's not like you are in your 70s. You can still spend the majority of your adult life together so yes I'd expect that we end up with joint assets

Why are you paying towards the mortgage?
Bills and food is understandable but mortgage?!?
Don't be a mug

@Dixiechickonhols

Trying to claim an equitable interest in a property is not straightforward and would be very expensive to pursue. Much better for OP to get her position sorted now than try and deal with if they split or he dies. It’s sensible not money grabbing.

Yes it's expensive and inconvenient. Far from ideal situation.

However, it's incorrect to say she has no claim at all. That's just not true.

Ideal situation is A. She is put on the deeds and mortgage; or B. She only contributes to bills and invests the amount she would have paid on the mortgage.

Stop paying towards the mortgage. I would be thinking about moving out. You need to protect yourself.

@5thnonblonde

Also if you’ve lived in a property over 5 years with a spouse you could claim an interest in it, particularly if you’ve got kids in there too. You could always talk to a solicitor? My DH let his ex ‘rent’ a flat from him and he was warned by his solicitor this was a bad idea and he should refund her any money she’d given as she could claim an interest in it. Also my solicitor friend made her boyfriend sign a legal doc to specifically say he wouldn’t try to make a claim on her mortgages home (uneccesary as they eventually married but just to show it isn’t quite as clear cut as you having no claim whatsoever)

I'm pretty sure the first few lines of this are nonsense. Why five years? Her children aren't his, so why would they have an interest in living there?

Why are you paying someone else’s mortgage? Does DP realise that making those payments entitles you to claim a beneficial interest in the property?

Why do you not just pay your own mortgage? You’d be much more secure in the long run if you do.

It really sounds like your partner is with you to feather his own nest.

It's his house, not yours, you were paying to rent before how is your circumstance any different now except it costs you less than it did in private rental allowing you to pay off your debts. If you can save 1k a month you'll be fine in your dotage just invest well

He probably thinks you’ve agreed to move in, split things in half and now you’re looking to change the deal. If he’s had a failed relationship and loves his kids of course he’s going to want to protect their inheritance.

I would approach him and say as you’re not going to inherit the house you’re not going to pay off the debt. Just pay the bills and offer to pay half of the interest payment on the mortgage as rent. He can then pay off the equity part of the mortgage and the other half of the interest.
The interest is the cost of the mortgage it’s not repaying the debt on the asset and you shouldn’t be buying his house for him!

Then make your own independent plans for your retirement just in case. Save up to buy somewhere or save to rent somewhere.

It’s nice of him to be looking out for his kids, but it’s unreasonable to expect you to buy part of his house for them!

Things may be very different by retirement/death and as long as things are made fair regards what you’re halving I don’t see the point in stressing about it.

@278466fgh3

I think this is difficult.Clearly at this point it is too soon for you to have any claims on his house. However, if your username is your date birth then I would absolutely assume that if I am with someone from 41 till say 81 and pay bills and mortgage that I get a roof over my head. It's not like you are in your 70s. You can still spend the majority of your adult life together so yes I'd expect that we end up with joint assets

This but a bit different - obviously I’m not expecting any claim at all financially but yes, if we are together over 30 years and he died then yes of course I would expect that I wouldn’t be made homeless as a result.

Sensibly I’ll be saving for a deposit for a house and getting something small and renting out - I actually hadn’t anticipated that I would have to when I moved in and on another side of things, certainly for a while whilst I sort out a property for myself it would stop us doing things that we had planned - holidays, change car etc - to be honest I now feel a little put out at making home improvements in his house as if I’m being honest it now doesn’t feel like a home, just his house.

Just feel a bit lost with it all today….

I'd be worried too. Think I'd pay off my debts and get saving. Buy a house to rent out, it can be yours to move into when he dies. The kids aren't going to let you live there, they'll want to sell to split the money.

@278466fgh3

I think this is difficult.Clearly at this point it is too soon for you to have any claims on his house. However, if your username is your date birth then I would absolutely assume that if I am with someone from 41 till say 81 and pay bills and mortgage that I get a roof over my head. It's not like you are in your 70s. You can still spend the majority of your adult life together so yes I'd expect that we end up with joint assets

The issue with joint assets is that the surviving spouse can cut their partner's children out and leave everything to their own.

@Beautiful3

I'd be worried too. Think I'd pay off my debts and get saving. Buy a house to rent out, it can be yours to move into when he dies. The kids aren't going to let you live there, they'll want to sell to split the money.

Exactly this - his exact words were I could trust that I wouldn’t be asked to leave immediately. Having had a parent die, I know exactly how children/siblings can get over their inheritance and my needs wouldn’t be considered

@Dogmummy1980

See this is the thing - I’ve said I’m not interested in inheriting any of what he has, quite happy for all to go to his kids, but just wanted reassurance that in the instance he died and we were both not at working age (where I would potentially find it difficult to rent) that I wouldn’t be left without a roof over my head. But to leave it to just trust that I wouldn’t be turfed out ‘immediately’ is just a bit wow….

Currently I have a few debts I’m paying off which will be done quite soon and paying towards his house/bills so will be saving up for a property. I’m just a bit bereft that I’m having to do this just to safeguard myself when I’m elderly.

Leaving it to trust is very dangerous. My FIL's partner of 20 years died, when he was in his late 80's. He was devastated. She had left a 'Statement of intent' with her will stating that he should be allowed to stay in the house (owned and paid for jointly) for as long as he wanted. However her son insisted he move out as he wanted his inheritance asap and FIL couldn't afford to buy him out. It took a long time for him to get over the stress and still talks about it 3 years later. Either some security written into the will, or some investment/savings for your future are essential.

It’s the attitude ‘I dint care what happens to you after I die’ that would be an issue for me.
Itnwouod amke me reconsider the relationship tbh. And I certainly wouldn’t feel we are in together for the long term iyswim.

Protecting your assets, esp when you have been burnt once, is normal.
Being happy to leave your partner homeless after your death isn’t.

I would go for having your own saving and your own property rented out to solve this problem.

Establishing an interest in his house might work if he was up for it, but he doesn't sound like he is.

I think it's incredible he's calling you out over this when you re the one paying half his mortgage, maintaining his home, I bet you clean it more as well...use that mortgage money (once some has been given for maintenance/rent) to purchase your own property or save towards it.

It's a shame you sold your other property really, it is a tiny bit of a hassle having renters in, the agency I use though is fab, and compared with having no-where to live in old age, it's definitely better.

Sorry but I wouldn't be paying towards home improvements in his house! What are you thinking?! I'd pay rent to cover council tax, electricity, gas and food.

@LostForIdeas

It’s the attitude ‘I dint care what happens to you after I die’ that would be an issue for me. Itnwouod amke me reconsider the relationship tbh. And I certainly wouldn’t feel we are in together for the long term iyswim.

Protecting your assets, esp when you have been burnt once, is normal.
Being happy to leave your partner homeless after your death isn’t.

I think there should be SOME discussion. If it's too early now, say that. Just 'trust' doesn't do it for me.

But then again OP he might also be thinking what you mean by old age. Obviously if he died tomorrow or in 5 years you might be turfed out as well

If you’re paying half the mortgage you should have a share of the house.

How old are you both OP? Have you agreed that you would never want to marry is that the basis of your living together?

Your DP can make provision in his will for you to have a lifetime interest in his house - even if not married - so that the house cannot be sold unless you die or move of your own will, in which case it reverts to his children or whoever he's left it to finally in his will. It also means that the house cannot be used to cover care home costs, unless you die or move of your own free will etc. Ask him if he'd like to set this up now. I mean why not, you'd get proper legal advice and it would show commitment on his part.

Otherwise I don't really think its much of a long term relationship, just a convenient arrangement at the moment.

I am pleased he has steadfastly refused to compromise his childrens inheritance. Too often we see on here asests going sideways.

He has clear priorities.
Good for him. That's his business and perogative.

But you need to be clear in yours also and what you leave to your own dc?

What we do know is that "saying" my dc nor family will chuck you out means absolutely nothing.

You can't rely on them or trust that for one second.

As pp said be business like and pragmatic about it.
His affairs are nicely tied up now you just need to get yourself in order.
Buying out a property to rent isn't going to be plain sailing with tenants and responsibilitys and fees eating into your money esp if it's empty.
I'd think about simply investing, looking into jl Collins... Simple path to wealth. He advocates investing in a few wide spread funds which have hundreds of companies and assets classes in them ie spread wide.

Choose some funds.. Look into vanguard as a platform and vanguard funds.

Invest and let it grow, tax free in a stocks and shares isa, also put smaller amount into a sipp. Keep it liquid and fluid and then see where you are after about ten years.

Before you start with a property your spending money.
At least with investing from the second you put money into a fund its all working for you.

I get lots of money money tips from the fire movement even though I can't achieve it myself (yet) fire = financial independence retire early.
The idea being that you invest as above and build up a capital amount of money that you don't touch but you live off the money it generates.
People live quite simply, no fancy cars... And they can choose to work or not.
Many also decide to live in cheaper countries.
Perhaps an idea for you?

There are many ways to solve problems.
But I would be working hard to get a good capital amount in an isa. Free to withdraw and use any time.