To be potentially homeless when I’m old?

[Dogmummy1980]

I’ve been with DP now for 2.5 years and we moved in together a few months ago - me moving into his house. I was renting a property previously and also moved in with debts that are now almost clear. We have 4 kids, 2 each, none together. I’ve always said if it is that we split I would never claim for his house - I don’t own a property and his is mortgaged but in the instance we split it wouldnt feel right me doing so. He is divorced and it was their marital home. I pay half of the household outgoings each month

However my mind is niggling at me - if we are together until he dies then what then for me? When I’ve brought it up he has simply said to trust that his kids/family wouldn’t see me having to move out immediately. Whaaaattt??? He has also now claimed I am asking this as I am after money - I’m absolutely not as my only question has been if/when we were elderly. I am also aware I would never be in his will - the entire lot would be for his kids. I’m a benefactor in my mums will so eventually I would be ok money wise (as much as I hate to think of this idea)

So essentially for me to ensure I have somewhere to live when I am old I would need to buy a property and rent it out for the next goodness knows how long - something I really don’t want to have to do but I see no other way to protect myself when I’m old. I rented out my now sold (at a loss) property before and it’s been all manners of hassle.

AIBU to think this is ridiculous that I’m having to do this? That you either want to build a life with someone or you don’t??? And certainly if you are planning on spending to next 30+ years with someone you wouldn’t just expect your DP to leave their home at that sort of age in those circumstances?? I just feel lost/bereft - huge mix of emotions really!

If you're only paying half the bills then you should be in a position to save? That's how you put a roof over your head if you split or he dies before you do.

When you say paying half are you paying half the mortgage or half the bills? It makes a big difference

It's totally reasonable to pay half bills, but not reasonable to pay half a mortgage on a property you have no claim on.

However in his position I wouldn't be handing over my children's inheritance to a new partner (who is still paying off debts) of a couple of years who has lived in the house a few weeks and is already pondering my assets.

OP is it the thought that he doesn't really care, rather than him actually making provision that bothers you?
There are provisions that can give an unmarried partner the right to remain for life .
2.5 years is too early , and you're definitely better off financially with him at this stage.

I don't think it's your right to remain in the current home - you just need somewhere to live. A lot of elderly people also sell up and downsize anyway so there's no guarantee. I do think that a frank conversation should be had rather than relying on children's goodwill, But that it's too early to have it.

@5thnonblonde

You can leave your house or a portion of your house to your kids but with the proviso that the surviving spouse can live in there until they die/need to move, I can’t remember the legal terminology but it isn’t uncommon.

The OP is not married and this is her partner's house.

She currently has no legal interest in ownership of the house, or legal right to remain in the property if her partner were to die before her.

@LolaSmiles

When you say paying half are you paying half the mortgage or half the bills? It makes a big difference

It's totally reasonable to pay half bills, but not reasonable to pay half a mortgage on a property you have no claim on.

However in his position I wouldn't be handing over my children's inheritance to a new partner (who is still paying off debts) of a couple of years who has lived in the house a few weeks and is already pondering my assets.

Also yes OP it is very grabby to think about this now and doesn't come across very well. I'd be wary as well however I would have a proper discussion

I rented out my now sold (at a loss) property before and it’s been all manners of hassle.

Why did you sell your property? What was the plan at that point for a roof over your head when you were old? You don't have to answer on here. Just trying to contextualise it - thinking about why after only moving in with him for a few months this has now become the concern. I'd take the view that it's very early days of living together and being old and homeless is a long way off, and focus on what makes sense for now. That might more likely mean paying less towards his mortgage so you can save up to buy somewhere, rather than him changing his will or putting you on the mortgage. Maybe when you've been living together longer and it feels right, you could end up buying a place together rather than you buying separately. But again, it's early days to be sure of that.

@LolaSmiles

When you say paying half are you paying half the mortgage or half the bills? It makes a big difference

It's totally reasonable to pay half bills, but not reasonable to pay half a mortgage on a property you have no claim on.

However in his position I wouldn't be handing over my children's inheritance to a new partner (who is still paying off debts) of a couple of years who has lived in the house a few weeks and is already pondering my assets.

I pay half of the bills/mortgage - full amount worked out and literally halved

As for others I’m in a better position moving in and being able to pay my debts off, I changed my job and earn a lot more now enabling me to pay off over £1k per month - so financially I could afford to buy a property to rent out but just it’s the fact that I feel hurt that this is the only way I can ensure I have a roof over my head rather than it being that we’ve moved in together and making a life. It just feels like he’s really not arsed either way what would happen if the worst happened

Others saying that is

@ShrinkingViolet9 it's called Life Estate but can be tricky to implement for several reasons - the main one being upkeep of the house. A lot of people make the mistake of not specifying whose responsibility this is.
It's not in the interest of the surviving spouse to maintain the house but the heirs might not have the money or the means to do so either.

Ultimately OP if you're not married the best thing is to make your own provision

If in England then one solution might be for you to be granted a life interest in the property to protect his DC's inheritance while giving you somewhere to live given you have made no contribution to the purchase of the house but this could be immediately revoked by a new will so you would have little peace of mind. As PPs' have suggested though you said you don't want the hassle, another option would be to put the savings you are making from not paying a mortgage and living rent-free while paying half the non-rent costs would be to buy a property that would be your security and an inheritance for your DC. If you don't want the hassle from doing that then let's hope another poster has a better idea or your DP decides to gift you a share of his house.

Good luck.

My mother did exactly this. She moved in with her partner but expects not to stay in the house when he dies. She has bought a little house and lets it out. Keeps everyone's assets separate and although it'll be a wrench, she has somewhere to go that she has chosen.

Sorry OP HNRTT so missed that you pay half the mortgage.

You need a clear conversation with him Op. don’t fall into trap of contributing (financially or time wise) to a house you don’t own. Also be mindful that people often don’t get around to making wills and if they do they can be changed without telling you. If he wants his children to inherit then yes you’d have to leave house on his death and they would make decisions re his funeral etc. If that’s what he wants then you know where you stand and can act accordingly eg buy a house but rent out whilst you lodge with him.

If he got knocked down and killed this afternoon where would that leave you now ?

I feel hurt that this is the only way I can ensure I have a roof over my head rather than it being that we’ve moved in together and making a life.

What does making a life mean if not putting my name on the mortgage/giving me a legal claim on his house?

Forgive me if I've got this wrong but from what you've said, you aren't entitled to a damn thing? You keep saying you don't want to 'claim', but you have no claim at all. If he dies, you'll be thrown out within weeks, as his kids rightly claim their inheritance.

He's open about this and happy with it. So yes, if you want to live with him, you buy a property on the side and rent it out. Don't count on your mother - even elderlies marry, and you could lose out there, or she might decide to leave everything to a cat's home. For goodness sake, protect yourself.

As for him, if he doesn't care about your future, why do you care about him?

I've been skim-reading, though, and might be barking up the wrong tree.

Just to ditch the emotive euphemisms and so you can be clear about what you're asking for here?

If you are paying half towards the mortgage I think that would entitle you to a share in the house. Keep copies of any paperwork particularly if you contribute to any house repairs/improvement etc.

You say if you split up you wouldn't go after half his house, but do you realise that if you're not married and the house is in his sole name, that you literally couldn't go after half his house even if you wanted to?

You have absolutely no claim on this asset, even if you were paying the mortgage in full.

Stop paying any of the mortgage. Pay half the other bills. Use your money to buy a house and rent it (I know it's a hassle), as this is the only way you'll have an asset of your own.

You pay half the mortgage????

You stop that right now.

This is going to sound harsh for which I am sorry.

He has shown you who he is. He isn't willing to provide for you in old age. He will prioritise his own kids. You aren't going to change him.

He does not see you as a financial unit and you need to act accordingly.

You need to take this fact and make a solid plan to provide for yourself financially in old age. How you do this will vary depending on circumstances.

Are you working part time for his and the family benefit? Go full time immediately. Invest the surplus in pension/ stocks and shares ISA/ training and career.

Stop doing extra jobs at home and use the extra time to look into career development / overtime / promotions/ side hustle. Forget doing extra work. You aren't going to be compensated for it!

Look how you can maximise your income by training etc.

Get yourself organised. Pay off debt like mad. Educate yourself about investing / pensions. YouTube is a great resource.

Speak to your parents about getting some inheritance now to avoid any hefty inheritance tax / care home fees. Dont fritter it- invest it wisely.

Might be other things I'm sure you can think of. Be selfish. You cannot rely on him.

If you are paying half towards the mortgage I think that would entitle you to a share in the house.

It really, really doesn't

Agree she shouldn't pay half the mortgage, but equally they should agree some level of rent as well as half the bills. Unless he's rolling in it, why would she live rent free? Especially someone so aware of the value of a roof over her head.

OP you seem to have a different view of the relationship.
How old are you both, and your children?
2.5 years is too soon to be into 'building a life' territory. You've just moved in. You're probably still adjusting to blending families.

This isn't 'it' - it isn't guaranteed to be permanent. Of course the biggest commitment would be marriage but if you both want to remain unmarried it would probably be a binding agreement of some other sort.

p.s. You shouldn't be paying anything towards the mortgage, just the bills.

You both need to sit down and have a frank talk about the milestones you expect in your relationship

I don't think you can expect any right to live in his house when you've only been together a relatively short time. And for you to have any right to live in his house after his death that would need to be in his will. Tbh I think its a bit cheeky of you to want this after only 2 and a half years together.