Where are all the threads about in laws who starve their guests?!

[SmellyOldPartridgeinaPearTree]

These are a mumsnet Christmas tradition! There were none last year but I could see why, due to covid. But this year people are going and staying with in laws left, right and centre. And yet no one has been served one meal a day of half a roast potato and a wafer thin slice of ham, resulting in a break out to the chippy and the local spar for secret supplies 2 days in

@CharityDingle it was Thai food. He has a disability that slows him down but he refuses to let anyone help. DH and BIL offered to prep all the veg but he wanted to do it alone.

He’s an excellent cook and it was absolutely beautiful (from the times I’ve eaten it sober!) but we all felt guilty that he’d been locked away alone all night. Guilty, drunk and ravenous are not a great combo!

@JingleBeth

I didn’t starve, but my MIL always serves me half a portion compared to my husband, and she didn’t disappoint on Christmas Day! Plates full of food handed to DH and his dad, with gravy and the full works…I had half the trimmings missing on my plate and no gravy at all.

My MIL is lovely though, so I don’t actually know why she does this. Maybe it’s her way of saying I need to lose the baby weight 🤷🏻‍♀️

I hate that, I serve my food in dishes so people can help themselves- much better

@WorriedMumsDontSleep penis portion puddings is crossing the line for me. Did you ask your dh to swap? I feel his complicity in this is ltb territory now it’s come to puddings.

@Wellhungdonkey

Just heading off there this morning. I’ll report back. Ladies used to get side plates with the men having dinner plates until DH brought out dinner plates a few years ago and had a word.

Hilarious! Just imagine if this kind of thing happened in restaurants.

No, was bamboozled because I asked for an extra big portion as I was going to share with D's. Only they came out the same and I would have looked greedy asking for more but minus Ds portion it equated to an ovary portion.

@WorriedMumsDontSleep

I've spoken up for years. Hinted, asked etc etc. Penis portion continues despite IL having 10+ years experience of me eating heartily, continue to be served what she thinks I should eat rather than what I actually eat.

Every time lunch/dinner is served, you and DH and should put the plates next to each other and openly redistribute the food between them.

No more sharing plates @WorriedMumsDontSleep .. lesson learnt!

Bit difficult as Ds always nicks off my plate(being on dad's or his plate automatically renders something undelicious apparently. He's an insanely picky eater, so I just take the hit)
At home I mediate this by having ds portion on my plate and making sure he eats a good amount. Obviously doesn't work if I'm given a normal sized portion.
I have one day left of penis portions so Collab plate is something that DH and I can put in place for next year.

[quote MrsLeclerc]@CharityDingle it was Thai food. He has a disability that slows him down but he refuses to let anyone help. DH and BIL offered to prep all the veg but he wanted to do it alone.

He’s an excellent cook and it was absolutely beautiful (from the times I’ve eaten it sober!) but we all felt guilty that he’d been locked away alone all night. Guilty, drunk and ravenous are not a great combo![/quote]
I was genuinely trying to imagine what he could be cooking!

I would be very hangry!

@Alondra

Fortunately we are 22,000 km away and the inlaws they starved us through Face Time this year. Thinking about it they did the same last year. Next year when we hopefully get together I'll give my MIL a kiss and piece of real real carbon for being so awful.

Seriously, I'm very close to my PIL even when we are so far apart. I lost my parents long ago and they've been as much parents to me as they are to my husband. We face time weekly and they are wonderful. Can't wait to see them.

I don’t think you’ve got the point of the thread.

Not pens portions, but a penis gets you priority.
We serve with platters, serving bowls on the table.
A couple of years ago DM, DH and me.
Offered DM meat platter first as eldest female at the table.
Got told to “feed the man first”.
DH cracked up laughing, he had been told about my childhood, where a penis got you served first, but never witnessed it in that obvious a manner in 30 years of marriage. ( I have 3 DB)
DM got told he could wait and served her first.
He still brings it up to this day!

Then it was Fair Trade with UHT milk.

Huh, why is fair trade coffee (etc) worse than any other kind? Is this a rule I did not know about?
Other than that, though, yes, terrible hosts.

Could I ask a potentially stupid question? Are there not dishes on the table for people to help themselves?

Yes, I find this weird too. I've never ever been to a meal at someone's house where someone put food on my plate for me and I certainly can't imagine doing it for a guest who came to my house. For me, dishes full of food go on the table and guests serve themselves. Putting food on another person's plate is someone you do only for young kids who need help to ensure that they get a balanced meal in front of them!

I've never ever been to a meal at someone's house where someone put food on my plate for me and I certainly can't imagine doing it for a guest who came to my house.

I plate up as there is no room for loads of serving dishes. Not everyone has a massive dining table.

I worked with a woman who unashamedly told is all that men get bigger portions, she only gave her DIL's half the amoun she gave her sons.
She had HUGE issues around food. Massive. Would comment on whatever any woman in her team was eating.

I would love to put serving dishes on my dining table but it's only a small 4 seater so I plate up for everyone in the kitchen but there's always seconds if wanted. That said, it's only my dad that comes round here for dinner as my place is too small to host. Also I don't have a dishwasher so serving dishes would double the amount of washing up.

When we do finally move house, I want a nice big 8 seater dining table, a dishwasher and
I'll invite people round for lunch/dinner!! My table will look like one from Hogwarts but with plenty of alcohol!! I really look forward to being able to do that!

There used to be a poster on these threads that would defend penis portions to the very end. It really seemed like her hill to die on .
She used to quote men’s calorie needs being higher than women’s and the obesity problems of women eating the same over and over. Explaining that Christmas was a celebration and feasting occasion went completely over her head.

I wonder where she is!

@greenteafiend

Could I ask a potentially stupid question? Are there not dishes on the table for people to help themselves?

Yes, I find this weird too. I've never ever been to a meal at someone's house where someone put food on my plate for me and I certainly can't imagine doing it for a guest who came to my house. For me, dishes full of food go on the table and guests serve themselves. Putting food on another person's plate is someone you do only for young kids who need help to ensure that they get a balanced meal in front of them!

All the fancy restaurants plate up, as seen on masterchef. Often with very strange ratios of meat, carbs etc.

Ha! Not this year, but I could have contributed some great stories in previous years. There’s a particular relative amongst my in-laws who is notorious for this. We love her dearly but whenever a group of us go to stay there, the ‘kids’ (now all in our 30s and 40s) have conspiratorial WhatsApp chats beforehand to plan our stash of secret snacks, to make sure we can survive the weekend.

She is perpetually on a diet and always wants to talk about her latest fad diet or smugly tell you about how she ‘doesn’t need’ to eat very much, and yet when she does serve dinners it’s usually very fatty and processed, and there is ALWAYS dessert laden with cream or custard. She’ll do something like a curry out of a jar but only serve it with a spoonful of rice because she’s just read a book about carbs, or she’ll serve a creamy cheesy pasta dish but the pasta will be undercooked because someone told her al-dente pasta is better for you.

For the rest of the day you’re expected to survive on a slice of soreen or Jamaica ginger cake (slathered in butter) for lunch, maybe with half a satsuma (NEVER a whole one) if you’re lucky.

Families eh?!

Oh and I have never, ever, understood the ‘I won’t need lunch/dinner because I had a big breakfast/lunch’ brigade. I get hungry when I get hungry!

A big brunch at 11? Fine, I definitely don’t need lunch after that. But I am always so perplexed by people who claim they couldn’t possibly eat another thing for the rest of the day after one big lunch.

Don’t even get me started on people who claim they don’t need to eat today because they had a big dinner the night before…

@greenteafiend

Could I ask a potentially stupid question? Are there not dishes on the table for people to help themselves?

Yes, I find this weird too. I've never ever been to a meal at someone's house where someone put food on my plate for me and I certainly can't imagine doing it for a guest who came to my house. For me, dishes full of food go on the table and guests serve themselves. Putting food on another person's plate is someone you do only for young kids who need help to ensure that they get a balanced meal in front of them!

If there's not enough food in the serving dishes to go around or 1 or 2 people take the majority of the food then the same problem arises.

The BMI thing doesn't work though, as is takes weight, activity and muscle mass into account.
For example, before children I was super sporty and did exercise at least four times a week, not including country walks etc. I always had the same to eat as husband and stayed slim. DH was more sedatary so didn't need 'extra calories'.

As I said upthread, I'd excuse it a bit more if height was taken into account etc. But I'm just given a standard tiny women's portion, even though as fil height and half his age and much more active I'd need more calories.
My obese bil doesn't get tiny portions either: presumably because men are trusted to self regulate.

My Nan was a bit weird like this. You'd go to her and she would endlessly offer you biscuits, cakes etc but meals were always tiny.

But then, she never ate. She weighed 5 stone wet. Breakfast was "just a few cereals to wake me up", lunch was half a slice of toast with chocolate spread on. The other half went in the fridge for "later". Dinner would be 4 chips, and salad.

She has dementia now so doesnt eat at all really, weirdly it took her through a phase where she would never throw food out. She would try to pick green bits of lettuce out of a bag of brown sludgy rotten salad.

I wonder if it harks back to the war, when food was scarce and you ate just enough to survive???

And by a few cereals, I mean not even enough to cover the bottom of the bowl and a tbsp of milk.

Up late with Ds so had a lie in. Had toast (3 slices, gasp) then late lunch suggested by DH and fil.
Mil: buy worried has just had toast.
Me: I could eat.

Hahaha