Where are all the threads about in laws who starve their guests?!

[SmellyOldPartridgeinaPearTree]

These are a mumsnet Christmas tradition! There were none last year but I could see why, due to covid. But this year people are going and staying with in laws left, right and centre. And yet no one has been served one meal a day of half a roast potato and a wafer thin slice of ham, resulting in a break out to the chippy and the local spar for secret supplies 2 days in

@Lollypop701

I pre serve on hot plates… then leftovers go in oven to keep warm for seconds. I dislike cool food and even if I hear serving dishes it doesn’t stay warm enough.

Don't come to my in laws. The only hot thing is the gravy - mil is obsessed with this jumping up every few minutes to put the jug in the microwave to reheat it. Unfortunately I don't like her gravy (too thick) so everything I eat is like warm at best. The meat is cooked on Xmas eve so is always stone cold.

Haha loving all these suggestions!! PIL have form for treating the other side of the family (SIL, her husband and their DC) a bit preferentially. I generally just choose not to notice but sometimes it really is just irritating when it’s waved in your face. They do hilariously stingy things sometimes with the grandchildren too, such as when she only bought four plastic cups in a picnic set to use with the grandchildren in her garden. I pointed out there are five children though and she said they could just share. She gave SIL’s three children a drink each (including their youngest who doesn’t yet use a cup properly and could’ve had a beaker) and made my two share one cup. I mean… what?! She has plenty of children’s cups in the cupboard too, she just wanted them all to share her new set. Righhhht… brilliant. As we all know, toddlers are well known for loving sharing their things it’s just how they are.

Not sure why I just spilled that out but it’s quite cathartic actually- thanks Mumsnet 🤣

My ex MIL was stingy with xmas dinner portions, but only for me! She had 3 sons, all with partners, including me, but I was not the favourite. I was also tiny, so definitely wasn't her trying to make me lose weight, lol.

I do remember after every single meal she'd cooked when there was extra, it would be offered to all her Ds's first, then the other 2 DIL's and then me. The DS's ALL took extra though, even though they had had large platefuls already.
Dessert was never offered to me, only to the men and then if any left to the other DILs.

The best time was when BIL's friend and his DW came to visit and we all went round to MILs

They were BBQing and it was taking ages and I was starving. Also I was pregnant. When food was ready MIL announced to the men to grab a plate, and then said to BIL's friends wife, oh you'd better get in quick my love, as you're pregant, you must be hungry. At first I thought she meant me, but when I got up she said , not YOU bookworm, the men and guests have to eat first.
The other woman was indeed 12 weeks pregnant. I was 8 months pregnant. It was baffling.

I found my voice after that and refused to go there for any more meals.

Gosh that is really spiteful bookworm. I'd have punched her and blamed it on pregnancy hormones.
My mil at least isn't nasty, just terribly old fashioned.
Yes, @KimmyKimdoo it certainly helps to vent. That's bizarre behaviour from your pil as well. What's really sad is that your children will be quick to spot any unfairness.

Makes me so grateful for my overfeeding MIL! My DH gets a weird anxiety that there won't be enough pudding, and so we brought a vegan yule Log (Waitrose! It was a delicious faceless Colin the Caterpillar) and a Christmas pud. Turns out my MIL had mad mince pies, a chocolate cake, a Christmas cake, a sorbet, a bombe, two vegan ice creams and a dairy ice cream, plus 5 kinds of cheese and crackers and truffles. We had so much at the actual meal (plus eggnog, mulled wine and bubbly) that all I managed was a scoop of maple ice cream! And I ate SO much- at least 6 roasties!

My MIL is lovely and we love spending time with her. BUT she never gets much food in when we visit and I always have to think ahead and plan meals and snacks for the kids. It drives me NUTS!!! She is very well-off but ridiculously frugal when it comes to food and household, but very very generous when it comes to gifts etc 🤷🏻‍♀️ So this year for Christmas we went to hers, and to avoid the sparse food situation I paid for a gammon, turkey and veg. So meals more than covered for Christmas Eve, Day, and Boxing Day (leftovers). I asked DH to check if she had planned a meal for Monday (seeing as we provided everything else)... no. So I went out on Boxing Day and got mince for bolognese. MIL said she would dig out some pasta no need to buy. I went to cook the meal and found she had left a half bag of pasta (200g) out for us... this was intended to feed four adults and two older kids. I think she still has memories of frugal times as a child... Honestly the food hassle puts me off visiting so much, which is a real shame as she only lives an hour away and has an otherwise great relationship with all of us! Arghhhh!!!

Reading all of these and laughing/ feeling so rotten for the victims. My mam was a traditional Irish/ Scots feeder - table groaning even if you just nipped in for a cuppa- and it's passed onto all of us. If my teens' DS mates stay over after a night out breakfast is croissants/ bacon/egg/ cereals/ fruit/ juices/ fresh coffee now prepared by them as they've had a decent example all their lives!

And whenever anyone pops by there will always, always be a biscuit/ sliver of cake around. If you didn't entire generations of our family would turn in their graves .

Fecking hell Bookworm that is AWFUL!!!

I'm the exact same as is my Irish feeder mum... I would be mortified if anyone was sitting hungry at my table! My mother prepares at least two months in advance for Christmas food 😆 The freezer is laden down with cakes, mince pies etc

Some of these tales are jaw dropping!! My mum was the best example of hosting! If she threw a party, there was food for days after!!
And a roast, don't even think about leaving the table before you've had seconds! Loved it!!

And the thing about the single guy in the double bed and the couple on the floor in the living room is surely the single guy could sleep on the sofa not the floor?

My mum literally could feed the 5,000 at every Christmas meal. Everyone is invited, everyone is encouraged to take seconds helpings and then a "buffet" appears about an hour after dinner "just in case you get hungry".

My SIL used to be quite worried about appearing greedy but I said: listen, the best compliment you could give her is to eat as much as you want.

We've still got 6 tupperware boxes of leftovers because I over catered for our Christmas guests. We'd have even more if we didn't have a dog. In my defence it's very hard to know how much 12 people are going to eat when you're not used to it.

My DM tends to under-cater now. Last time we went at Christmas time she got all overwhelmed because we bought two packages of sausages and didn't want to cook them all, even though there was 7 of us, we have a dog and were happy to take the remnants home.

Loving these, especially the ones where people have walked out.

These have reminded me of the one year we went to the in laws for New Year’s Eve.

Got there at 7pm and FIL was cooking away, there was some dip and breadsticks out in the dining table but that was it. By 9.30pm all we’d had was drinks as the hot food wasn’t ready yet. Nobody was allowed to go for the dip until the hot food came out.

By 11pm I had to stop drinking as I was 3 sheets to the wind and 2 steps away from gnawing on my shoe.

After ringing in the new year, the food finally appeared at 12.30. I’ve never been so hungry or drunk in my life!

@MrsLeclerc. 12.30 must be a record!

There is no food inequality at my PIL but they do follow the 'one meal a day' rule (usually around 5.30pm). I take a stash of snacks and choccies in my bag in case I need them. However, they're not completely unreasonable...you are allowed to snack beforehand so long as it's not anything resembling a 'meal'. Coffee, cake and biscuits fine, toast and jam acceptable, cheese and crackers pushing it, eggs borderline, sandwiches definitely subversive. DH is the worst offender...if we're out for the morning and stop at a cafe, he'll order himself a huge baguette and MIL will remind him reproachfully that there is a BIG MEAL coming later.

DS (4) is exempted from these rules. PIL occasionally babysit for us and have found that requiring a young child to wait until 5.30pm for his first meal of the day while giving him free run of the chocolate box and biscuit tin doesn't work very well. So now breakfast (cereal, fruit and scrambled eggs) is provided at 8 and lunch (usually beans on toast or similar) at 12. Although this food is provided specifically for DS (because the rest of us are supposed to be building up our appetites for the BIG MEAL), I benefit too - MIL makes generous portions and DS is not a good eater, so I can gobble up the leftovers under the pretence of avoiding 'waste' (which MIL approves of).

The “I’m starving” thread starters are my people!

Very used to this at the in-laws these days. I bring my own snacks. No breakfast provided, big lunch at 2pm (with no other desserts except for Christmas pudding), nothing else ALL DAY, no snacks, until cheese and bread at 10pm - by which point I’m always weighing up just going to bed without food. Followed by no food until approx 2pm the next day, as (remember!) they ‘don’t do breakfast’. Honestly eat more calories on an average day than at Christmas with the in laws.

@whyohwhyohwhyohwhywhy

How about my starved child who has a dairy allergy which my mother doesn't believe in. Not only did she not buy in a carton of special milk for her (which we are of course wise to and bring our own) but she put "just a knob" of butter into all the vegetables and made a cauliflower cheese for everyone else

What a bitch!

@IWishIWas

I have one. Been with DH for almost 30 years, we always go to our own families for Christmas lunch. In laws don’t like me, for no reason at all. Decided to go with him for lunch this year as he hasn’t seen much of parents due to them being extra cautious (covid, elderly). I have lots of allergies, offered to take my own lunch but SIL & BIL (both chefs) were insistent that there was no need & asked for a list of food that I can’t eat. Spoke to them again on Xmas eve asking if I should bring food as didn’t want to be troublesome, was assured that all was good. I had PEAS for lunch…just PEAS!

I would cry at the table! That’s horrible.

I think we have reached a turning point in the penis portion wars saga.
Dinner served up this evening with a less obvious penis portion but still more for DH and fil. The offer of leftovers was given put. DH swiftly asked for some, but me, like some grasping Tudor upstart battling for precedence, subverted mil trying to catch fil attention before me by asking for more in the gap she paused to ask him. No idea what would have happened should fil have been interested, but he wasn't so I got free reign. Actually full, which is just as well as I only have one emergency minced pie left and two days to go.
So I would say we're still 2:1. Will I break the habit of a lifetime, or will penis portion be back tomorrow?

Peas, that's criminal!

@StrictlyAFemaleFemale

Could I ask a potentially stupid question? Are there not dishes on the table for people to help themselves? The only time Ive had xmas dinner plated for me is in a restaurant or pub. Even with Sunday roasts there were dishes on the table but normal dinners were plated in the kitchen. Am I the weirdo here?

I tend to plate meals in the kitchen as it's a struggle to get everyone around the table as it is-as much as I'd like to, there's just no room to for serving dishes. No one has ever complained that I'm starving them though cause I tend to err on the side of bigger portions 😂

@MrsLeclerc

These have reminded me of the one year we went to the in laws for New Year’s Eve.

Got there at 7pm and FIL was cooking away, there was some dip and breadsticks out in the dining table but that was it. By 9.30pm all we’d had was drinks as the hot food wasn’t ready yet. Nobody was allowed to go for the dip until the hot food came out.

By 11pm I had to stop drinking as I was 3 sheets to the wind and 2 steps away from gnawing on my shoe.

After ringing in the new year, the food finally appeared at 12.30. I’ve never been so hungry or drunk in my life!

What on earth was he cooking!

@IWishIWas

I have one. Been with DH for almost 30 years, we always go to our own families for Christmas lunch. In laws don’t like me, for no reason at all. Decided to go with him for lunch this year as he hasn’t seen much of parents due to them being extra cautious (covid, elderly). I have lots of allergies, offered to take my own lunch but SIL & BIL (both chefs) were insistent that there was no need & asked for a list of food that I can’t eat. Spoke to them again on Xmas eve asking if I should bring food as didn’t want to be troublesome, was assured that all was good. I had PEAS for lunch…just PEAS!

Surely you said something?

2 all.
Blindsided with a penis portion pudding.