Where are all the threads about in laws who starve their guests?!

[SmellyOldPartridgeinaPearTree]

These are a mumsnet Christmas tradition! There were none last year but I could see why, due to covid. But this year people are going and staying with in laws left, right and centre. And yet no one has been served one meal a day of half a roast potato and a wafer thin slice of ham, resulting in a break out to the chippy and the local spar for secret supplies 2 days in

I had to beg my in-laws to stop feeding me. They were amazing, I'm vegan and they went above and beyond to get me loads of vegan alternatives, I even had a vegan fondue for brunch on Christmas Day when they traditionally have Camembert. Vegan truffles, vegan baklava, vegan crisps, loads of nuts and fruit, vegan cheeses and pates for crackers. Bless them, they're amazing.

@Welshmaenad would they like an extra guest next year please? I'm well behaved and don't over stay and happy to wash dishes

I sometimes find that dishes in the middle of the table to be shared are actually worse. For example, I look at the dishes and mentally divide the contents by the number of people e.g 6 people and take my portion accordingly. This works ok until you factor in two members of the family who get stuck in straight away and take a large portion of everything while I'm getting food for the children and leave a tiny amount for everyone else to share.

Yay!! I've been wondering about this thread for days! I've been on my own this Christmas and, while I certainly do not wish anyone anything but a wonderful Christmas with whomever they spend it with, from a more light-hearted perspective, I've been living vicariously through some of the threads on here... and I was very much looking forward to the annual "penis portions" thread!

When my family were alive, I didn't get penis portions or anything, but my parents were very good at simply declaring that "no one wants Christmas pudding" - before putting it away before anyone even got a sniff or had the opportunity to say "actually I quite fancy some..."! I loved my folks but that drove me nuts every year. They'd buy it - it would be there - but no one had better actually want any cos they weren't getting it!

Some of the stories on here blow my mind... though my favourite ones are where a rebellion is being plotted - swapping plates or making a break for it and getting a McDonalds or takeaway or something.... top marks if such actions are responded to with cat's bum mouth and passive aggressive remarks!

Keep them coming please!

Everyone gets a penis portion at Grandma's house, literally unable to move after. Apart from gravy. Gravy is not to be trusted.

[quote Loyaultemelie]@Welshmaenad would they like an extra guest next year please? I'm well behaved and don't over stay and happy to wash dishes [/quote]
As long as you can deal with three bonkers dogs and like to day drink, I think you'll fit in very nicely.

Ok dinnertime strategies please. Will definitely end up with children's portion tonight unless I plan ahead as fil dishing up. I can't see me being able to pull off a second plate swap and no stealing chips etc as it's mash.

We've joined this group. But only recently, previously in-law catering was bordering on the gluttonous (I once recall a large bowl of spaghetti bolognaise being served as a starter).

We had our "Christmas" with the in-laws and my BIL's family yesterday. In fairness, my mother in law has been ill so we offered to bring the food but my father in law assured he had it in hand and there would be "no shortage of food throughout the day".

It's a two hour drive so we arrived at 10 as agreed. As there was four kids in the mix, my husband suggested we open the crisps at 12 with our drinks (we'd bought them, along with various other things from some hampers). He was told not to as it would spoil people's appetite (bearing in mind it was one large pack of crisps for 10 people). Lunch was served at 3. Nice main course. But no dessert.

My FIL had assured my husband that he'd bought lots of mince pies. We also bought a Christmas pudding and custard. None of these aforementioned items were served. My FIL rummaged in a drawer, found some mini croissants and popped them in the oven until unfortunately they were rock hard. There were only enough for the kids.

We finally got home at 8 (no further food was served), feeling a little peckish. It was a lovely day together but the lack of food was a bit bizarre (bearing in mind we hadn't been able to get together last year as we were in Tier 4).

Brought not bought.

[quote onedayoranother]@Thomasthechick123 who hosts and then serves herself first? And then their kids? Weird. [/quote]
Yes, whatever happened to "FHB" (Family Hold Back"?

@WorriedMumsDontSleep Hope the power of Mumsnet comes through for you. I lost the battle with my DM this Christmas (Christmas Eve, dinner served on side plates…) so am hoping you win so that I can enjoy the victory vicariously! Could you “offer” to help distribute plates - so FIL plates up and you take to the table? That way you can distribute accordingly. If DH genuinely hasn’t noticed the penis portions, then now might be the time for him to experience the difference…..

Why should he automatically get the duff sleeping arrangement just because he’s single?

He doesn’t get the duff sleeping arrangement because he’s single. He gets it because one person sleeping on the floor isn’t as bad as two people sleeping on the floor.

Sleeping on a dog-smelling cold floor is indisputably inferior to sleeping on a warm bed that doesn’t smell of dog. Why make two people suffer instead of one?

In the same way, I’d always offer the bed to my parents or in-laws. Why make old people suffer more than younger people?

So many single people have a chip on their shoulder about being single. Totally justified when it comes to things like paying single supplements at hotels, supermarkets etc catering to couples of families of four etc. But this sort of situation is illogical and nothing to do with being single. It’s one person versus two people. The two people could be best friends, not a couple. Same thing.

@JingleBeth you should swap plates with your DH just for giggles 😂

@givethatbabyaname

He doesn’t get the duff sleeping arrangement because he’s single. He gets it because one person sleeping on the floor isn’t as bad as two people sleeping on the floor.

Sleeping on a dog-smelling cold floor is indisputably inferior to sleeping on a warm bed that doesn’t smell of dog. Why make two people suffer instead of one?

In the same way, I’d always offer the bed to my parents or in-laws. Why make old people suffer more than younger people?

So many single people have a chip on their shoulder about being single. Totally justified when it comes to things like paying single supplements at hotels, supermarkets etc catering to couples of families of four etc. But this sort of situation is illogical and nothing to do with being single. It’s one person versus two people. The two people could be best friends, not a couple. Same thing.

No, I think it’s totally fair enough that if you’re a couple that always gets a nice comfy bed while the eternally single person always has to sleep on the floor that sometimes you take a turn to give them a comfy night’s sleep.

It’s rubbish enough being single around Christmas while everyone else is coupled up, without then also feeling like the spare part who is always given the duff deal.

So many people have a chip on their shoulder about being single - do they? I suppose it’s justified if you’re always treated like that

There is very definitely no starvation at my house! Probably because there wasn't a lot of extra money when I was growing up so food was always enough but never more than enough - and when my own children were small there was never enough money so it was always a struggle to provide enough food. Now - there is a family joke that I never knowingly under cater! Seriously - I always do too much food. But it isn't wasted - either it is used in the next couple of days or I provide food packages (if wanted) for my family to take home. There is always enough of everything, but I don't plate up - people can take what they want from bowls on the table.

Dinner achieved a neutral result.
Penis plate and children's portion brought out and deposited in front of us as expected. Leant over and said to DH 'just going to take some of your mash to make it even' when mil goes back to get gravy. DH accepted the turn of events.
So 1/0 to me so far.

@WorriedMumsDontSleep If your DH really doesn't think there's a difference, ask if he'll swap plates with you at every meal.

To be fair he accepts that I'm not lying, it's more that he never noticed because it didn't effect him. He is good at acknowledging accidental sexism. It's slightly complicated at the moment because for the first time ever I do actually need to lose some weight, but am sticking to proper portions out of principal and will make up for it with sad salad days after haha.
Will stick to helping myself from his plate I think, as subtle enough to not cause offence but points it out to him. (Also will switch if something very delicious like chips haha!)

@WorriedMumsDontSleep can you not just say ask your DH in front of everyone to swap plates? I wouldn’t worry about offending hai parents since they arnt worried about offending you. Just say, DH, I’m starving and I’ve got a much smaller serving than you, let’s swap. At every single meal. Until either IL’s get it, or your DH starts speaking up for you and asking for equal portions.

Sorry but I've got to ask....penis plate??!!

Not christmas but my mils 3 pizzas between 17 people was interesting. We got fish and chips on way home!

I don't know if I have the guts to do that haha.
Penis plate as I understand it is a comparatively large portion, bestowed on one for the virtue of having a penis.

In my case this usually equates to me being given the same birdlike portions mil seems to exist on, but leave me starving. We're like night and day, she'll eat one salad at lunch and say she's full. And I've been known to order chips with chips lol.

@plantsandpuddlesuits I will acknowledge that it's not the easiest thing to Google 🤣

Basically, penis haver gets half a turkey, several whole pigs in blankets, an acre's worth of spuds and a gallon of gravy while non penis-haver is served a wafer thin slither of turkey breast and half a sprout.

@KimmyKimdoo

After hosting my in-laws for Christmas Day this year (full Christmas dinner and evening buffet, drinks all day etc), we were invited round to see them again yesterday. They were midway through cooking a full Christmas dinner. Huge turkey, the lot. SIL and her family arrived for the feast. She’d been to her in-laws on the 25th so MIL was doing a whole second Christmas for them. We were offered a cup of tea and that was it, then ushered out. Felt very mean MIL said she wanted to see all the grandchildren together for an hour. Can’t believe they didn’t invite us all round to stay or just not make us come round at all!! Sitting there with the smell of it all in their kitchen was so awkward. My 4 year old said “Granny I’m hungry!” At one point and was given a biscuit. The other grandchildren will have been given a three course dinner from the sound of it. Lovely.

My DB did this to my DPs, invited both sets of parents around on Boxing Day but only his in-laws had been invited for lunch and they made it clear they were waiting for them to go before eating That was the final straw for me and I've never been there again.

My IL's are religious. Methodists to be precise. They do drink, but not a lot.

DH and I both drink. We are not raging alcoholics, but we can shift a bit when in the mood.

At the begining of our relatìonship, MIL would pour me a small glass of wine then the bottle would disappear. DH would wander off down the garden with his dad 'to talk', to the secret stash of cans his dad got in for him leaving me nursing a thimble of wine, til he got back and topped me up.

I got round this by buying MIL some beautiful crystal wine glasses that are massive. She graciously took the hint to be fair and always gets my favourite wine in for me.

I am still the only person to use the big glasses tho.