Where are all the threads about in laws who starve their guests?!

[SmellyOldPartridgeinaPearTree]

These are a mumsnet Christmas tradition! There were none last year but I could see why, due to covid. But this year people are going and staying with in laws left, right and centre. And yet no one has been served one meal a day of half a roast potato and a wafer thin slice of ham, resulting in a break out to the chippy and the local spar for secret supplies 2 days in

[quote PickAChew]@plantsandpuddlesuits I will acknowledge that it's not the easiest thing to Google 🤣

Basically, penis haver gets half a turkey, several whole pigs in blankets, an acre's worth of spuds and a gallon of gravy while non penis-haver is served a wafer thin slither of turkey breast and half a sprout.[/quote]
This is a very unfair description.

Sometimes there's a small freezer bag containing the scent of a roast potato, too.

[quote KimmyKimdoo]@SchadenfreudePersonified I know!!! DH can’t see the problem and said he didn’t really fancy a turkey dinner anyway (to be honest I didn’t either) but that’s not really the point. It was SO awkward being sat there while they all talked about their big dinner and giggling over how big their turkey was and how much room they had for pudding. Meanwhile, we weren’t invited to stay. I really really didn’t want to be there at all. DH has had an earful from me about it, he’s asked if he should say something to MIL but I really can’t imagine what he’d say to her I make it any better. I will certainly not be happy to invite in-laws to ours again next year, but then that would make DH miserable so it’s cutting off your nose really!! Frustrating![/quote]
It's a shame you had hungry children with you - otherwise you could have just sat put until the early hours of the morning, or until they either threw you out or offered you a lunch (in which case you would, of course, graciously decline)

To leave your children hungry was a horrible thing to do. Why not ask both sets of parents round but only feed yours?

@StrictlyAFemaleFemale

Could I ask a potentially stupid question? Are there not dishes on the table for people to help themselves? The only time Ive had xmas dinner plated for me is in a restaurant or pub. Even with Sunday roasts there were dishes on the table but normal dinners were plated in the kitchen. Am I the weirdo here?

I plate out of habit as when dh first began hosting many years ago, our dining table was far too small to hold serving dishes and dinner plates. Now we have loads of space but just plate without thinking because it’s how we’ve always done it. But, my portions are extremely generous and we always have plenty of leftovers on offer. I would be mortified if anyone left my home hungry.

Both my DPs and PILs are feeders - am relieved after reading this thread

(DH just asked when tea is.)
Look of horror. But you had a big lunch. I'm still stuffed.
Thank goodness DH is hungry enough to ask for tea otherwise we'd all be on the one meal a day diet.

The tiny feeders are always the ones who get upset if you say you’re not going to stay too - I don’t get it - don’t invite guests if you aren’t going to treat them like guests

@LuaDipa that is a very good point!

@WorriedMumsDontSleep

(DH just asked when tea is.) Look of horror. But you had a big lunch. I'm still stuffed. Thank goodness DH is hungry enough to ask for tea otherwise we'd all be on the one meal a day diet.

The 'that lunch will do me all day' people are the worst.
When I was in hospital having my baby I sent a picture of my lunch to the family group chat. It was soup and a salad, admittedly a big salad, but still! Someone said that will last you all day! Well not really because I'm 9 months pregnant and giving birth I think I might need more calories than a salad

@alfagirl73

Yay!! I've been wondering about this thread for days! I've been on my own this Christmas and, while I certainly do not wish anyone anything but a wonderful Christmas with whomever they spend it with, from a more light-hearted perspective, I've been living vicariously through some of the threads on here... and I was very much looking forward to the annual "penis portions" thread!

When my family were alive, I didn't get penis portions or anything, but my parents were very good at simply declaring that "no one wants Christmas pudding" - before putting it away before anyone even got a sniff or had the opportunity to say "actually I quite fancy some..."! I loved my folks but that drove me nuts every year. They'd buy it - it would be there - but no one had better actually want any cos they weren't getting it!

Some of the stories on here blow my mind... though my favourite ones are where a rebellion is being plotted - swapping plates or making a break for it and getting a McDonalds or takeaway or something.... top marks if such actions are responded to with cat's bum mouth and passive aggressive remarks!

Keep them coming please!

Yes the ones where they break out are the best, especially when they do it in real time

I wonder why your parents hoarded the Christmas pudding? Surely no one likes it enough to want to keep it all to themselves? It's the kind of thing you only eat because you feel you have to

Not small portions as such, more we couldn't be bothered to wait for you. We turned up at the time they requested and they had already eaten it. They served up a bit of left overs, which to be honest wouldn't have fed one person. All the meat was gone, there was 3 roasts, no stuffing, and a bit of veg, but there was yorkshires (except me and my toddler are dairy free so we couldn't have those). I gave my share to my daughter. Got home was starving and thirsty as we were never offered anything.

I ended up walking out however when mil decided that my husband was taking her to her sister's, I was to sit In their house on my own and wait for them. (He didn't, he came home with me).

Not in laws but a few years back we were at my partners grandparents and she served the tiniest portions. She served two boiled potatoes and we thought ah no problem we'll go out later on a drive. She locked the door at about 8pm and went off to bed. It was like being in prison .

At a relative we've stayed at before, she prepares a reasonable sized breakfast. Everyone dutifully raves about it and declares themselves stuffed. There's then an outrageous look of horror if anyone suggests eating again before the evening. How could you possibly after that huuuggggeee breakfast?

This will be me tomorrow.

@namechanged221

This will be me tomorrow.

Oh no!! Take a full carrier bag of supplies in your bag. Flapjacks, sandwiches, anything you can think of!

@Allmyarseandpeggymartin

The tiny feeders are always the ones who get upset if you say you’re not going to stay too - I don’t get it - don’t invite guests if you aren’t going to treat them like guests

It’s a control thing also, especially by some women.

I confess that DH and I are pretty small eaters. We're probably those people who eat a big meal once a day in general....big to us anyway...and then don't want tea or supper.

We just don't feel hungry after a big lunch or breakfast. Not for ages.

HOWEVER...we do realise this and never starve guests. I made a massive roast lunch on boxing day and DH and I would not have eaten again until much later...around 8 or so when we'd have had some cheese or something. But we realise others aren't like this so also served a big pudding...we never have pudding...and then kept the cheese, crackers, cold meats and chocolate on offer for the rest of the afternoon.

Penis portions start early in this household.
2009-
Mil:how many slices of toast worried, just one?
Worried:2 please
2019- Mil: one slice ok Worried.
Worried: 3 please (pregnant)
2021-
Mil gives Ds one slice of toast and offers me, you guessed it. One.
Funny how ds didn't need penis portions in the womb(then again we did keep the gender a surprise)

2:1 to me now because I ate the toast D's rejected too, but a penis portion managed to slip by yesterday, aided by some pasta sauce.

This needs to become Worried's secret war thread. I'm cheering you on! I would stab somebody with a fork if they penis portioned me - I don't know how you've been so forbearing for so long.

@KimmyKimdoo

After hosting my in-laws for Christmas Day this year (full Christmas dinner and evening buffet, drinks all day etc), we were invited round to see them again yesterday. They were midway through cooking a full Christmas dinner. Huge turkey, the lot. SIL and her family arrived for the feast. She’d been to her in-laws on the 25th so MIL was doing a whole second Christmas for them. We were offered a cup of tea and that was it, then ushered out. Felt very mean MIL said she wanted to see all the grandchildren together for an hour. Can’t believe they didn’t invite us all round to stay or just not make us come round at all!! Sitting there with the smell of it all in their kitchen was so awkward. My 4 year old said “Granny I’m hungry!” At one point and was given a biscuit. The other grandchildren will have been given a three course dinner from the sound of it. Lovely.

That's horribly bad manners on the part of your PIL. I would refuse the invitation to go around and smell the turkey cooking, tbh.

@astorsback

I've just come back from a two day stay with relatives which involved:

No heating on from 8pm until 9 am so i had to sleep in my coat

I had to ask if there was breakfast at 10.30 as nothing had been offered. I was then grudgingly shown the cereal cupboard contents.

On Christmas day, there was only one meal.

On boxing day, there was only one other meal bar the grudgingly offered cereal.

I was never offered a drink, I had to ask. Then it was Fair Trade with UHT milk. That goes for both tea and coffee. No chocolates were offered (stacked in the dining room). No wine top up (so just the one).

They are very well off before anyone mentions money being tight. We spent the last day listening to male relative bang on about how well his investments were doing (he's retired).

Honestly, I dont know why, in this day and age, people are still such bad hosts. When they visit me, they get a warm, comfortable room, a choice of fresh hot & cold breakfast options, alcohol topped up constantly, offers of hot/cold drinks made every hour, snacks out & freely available. Three meals a day, plus cake and/or cheese.

It baffles me.

Nope. As I get older, I am a lot wiser or maybe more selfish, I dunno. No way would I ever stay there. Ever.

I could understand a bit more if we were a similar size, but she's a very small woman and I am very tall, nearly of a height with DH.

Sometimes there's a small freezer bag containing the scent of a roast potato, too.

That's just as a special treat though!

@Kimmykimdoo, invite the buggers early next year. Give them a cup of tea then tell them how thrilled you are that you and immediate family have booked lunch at a hotel this year. Show them a menu. Then show them the door. Enjoy it.

@Sherrytriflestrull

At a relative we've stayed at before, she prepares a reasonable sized breakfast. Everyone dutifully raves about it and declares themselves stuffed. There's then an outrageous look of horror if anyone suggests eating again before the evening. How could you possibly after that huuuggggeee breakfast?

Here we are subjected to "I'm full puffing noises". Personally, I think they are theatrical. Noone can be that full after one slice of toast. I don't know if it's a psychological thing to try and convince me I'm full too. The penis portions I have tolerated. It's the endless puffing that makes me want to throttle someone.