Where are all the threads about in laws who starve their guests?!

[SmellyOldPartridgeinaPearTree]

These are a mumsnet Christmas tradition! There were none last year but I could see why, due to covid. But this year people are going and staying with in laws left, right and centre. And yet no one has been served one meal a day of half a roast potato and a wafer thin slice of ham, resulting in a break out to the chippy and the local spar for secret supplies 2 days in

@WorriedMumsDontSleep

I've spoken up for years. Hinted, asked etc etc. Penis portion continues despite IL having 10+ years experience of me eating heartily, continue to be served what she thinks I should eat rather than what I actually eat.

I’d tell my DH that we swap plates or I’m not going. He can then go and get more food. I’d do that in fro t of her too.

I get Hangry, very hangry.

Bloody rude though so meet fire with fire.

Personally I’ve never dished up dinner for another adult outside of my immediate family so I ding that a bit odd anyway.

Weren't starved but nearly all vegan food, craving steak. (Had turkey I should add but literally no other meat)

Re: penis portions, energy expenditure matters more, doesn't it? At my kids' school, the girls are always offered smaller portions of school dinners, even though some of them are basically athletes and eat literally two/three times the amount of my taller but largely sedentary daughter.

Put bowls in the middle of the table so guests can self-limit.

Fortunately we are 22,000 km away and the inlaws they starved us through Face Time this year. Thinking about it they did the same last year. Next year when we hopefully get together I'll give my MIL a kiss and piece of real real carbon for being so awful.

Seriously, I'm very close to my PIL even when we are so far apart. I lost my parents long ago and they've been as much parents to me as they are to my husband. We face time weekly and they are wonderful. Can't wait to see them.

DH doesn't notice he gets penis portions so each time I've mentioned it he has been like, really, are you sure, I didn't notice.

To be fair he didn't notice I swapped them last night so I got the penis portion, but then I had eaten a lot of it by the time he sat down.

Will try it again tonight and see how long it takes him. Xx

@Wellhungdonkey

Just heading off there this morning. I’ll report back. Ladies used to get side plates with the men having dinner plates until DH brought out dinner plates a few years ago and had a word.

Wow! Having been on MN a few years, I've read about penis portions but this really takes the biscuit. Or maybe half a biscuit if you're female!

@longwayoff

Take food with you people. Go to Marks, fill a carrier with attractive bits and pieces and take it to your in-laws under the guise of helping out with extras at Christmas. Put it on plates if necessary and hand it round. As we age, we tend to eat less and it won't necessarily occur to in laws that you are ravenous. I'm old and have one meal a day, just dont get hungry. I've just returned from Christmas with younger family and had forgotten how much an average person eats in one day. Do it. Don't suffer

I did this (cake, mince pies, chocolate log, cheese) but it just gets put away - even if the 'use by' date is imminent!

Any attempt to help myself is met with screeches of "dont eat that! It's to take with us to the coast tomorrow!"

I did this (cake, mince pies, chocolate log, cheese) but it just gets put away - even if the 'use by' date is imminent!

Ask for it then. Seriously, don’t accept their ways. Put things on the side with a ‘I’ve bought this to eat while I’m here’, be verbal and clear.

@astorsback if I brought it I would be sayy’i fancy some of that cheese and biscuits I brought’ or tea and cake etc . If she mentions coast, say you can’t mean the cheese/cake I brought with a steel glance and a bloody tinkly laugh! Not a chance would I be bringing food and still going hungry.

@SafeMove

I am at the inlaws but they haven't starved me. Just mightily pissed off that me and DP are sleeping on camping mats on the floor of a boiling hot living room that stinks of 3 dogs whilst BIL has a double bed to himself in an upstairs bedroom that is a reasonable temp and no dog smell! And they insist on going to bed late. Fuming.

Did you not discuss the sleeping arrangements before hand? You must have known how many spare bedrooms there are at in-laws. I really hate the assumption that it should be BIL being uncomfortable and sleeping on the floor just because he’s single.

@astorsback Can I come round yours? I'll bring champs and fun stuff.

I don't have ILs but my Ps are very much penis portion people. They also talk incessantly about what other people are eating and fly off the handle if anyone dares do it back to them.

My DM encourages my DF to eat huge amounts and then comments endlessly on everything I eat even if it's not much (I don't eat much around her anyway because it's not worth it).

NC/LC now and the other night I got home with bf, ate generous portions of leftovers and then hit the cheese, felt amazing!

I think many older people have perhaps eaten less as they have got older .I have resorted to taking a packet of Ritz crackers with me at times! There seems to be a feeling of "less equals more!" with some elderly relatives . I think staying in a Premier Inn or similar is good ,no sleeping on the floor(As poor Safe Move has had to endure) A hearty BF sets you up for the day . Although several are very wealthy ,seem to begrudge food spending (Maybe rations or something) dont really know.At home we eat well ,(and are grateful) but dont go mad with other things!

@BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation

I hated the way leftovers from people's plates were saved then put on an uncovered plate in the fridge 🤢 who actually ever ate the leftovers I never managed to discover, but they'd sit there for days.

Dh tried it himself this year and then quickly backed down when I told him that the plates would be scraped into the bin, no arguments. We waste very little food, but I draw the line at leftovers from people's plates being stuffed into the fridge.

Oh god 🤮. Quite right leftovers from plates are binned! MIL does penis portions, she does pile up seconds on the table but there’s also a little speech about how carbohydrates turn to sugar, and how bread is basically sugar. I nod along with a serious look on my face, whilst helping myself to an extra few spuds.

For ordinary meals, I usually plate up in the kitchen, but for Christmas Day it all goes into serving bowls and onto the table while I'm carving the meat so there's a good chance of everything still being piping hot when we're all ready to eat. For this reason, there are rarely leftovers on any plates. Unlimited extra helpings available for those that want them. The idea of being stingy with food, especially when there are guests present, fills me with horror.

My ILs are nice and generous in many ways but Christmas traditions are v different to mine.

My first Visit there I was served a plate of sweet corn and kidney beans cold - as I was vegetarian - so the pea comment reminded me and made me smile.

we take snacks and drinks to keep in our room as are regularly served on small plates, and they do not like us going in the kitchen.
Over the years I have learnt to work around it, and do seek into make drinks when they are upstairs.

Wow, I have never had this. My family and my husband´s family are healthy eaters and provide for their guests accordingly. My MIL or my grandma would have died of shame if someone left their house hungry. But reading this thread, which has made me smile more than a few times, I realise it is not a given. I have never been to a place where anything other than the meat was pre-served on the plate. We help ourselves to anything else.

I pre serve on hot plates… then leftovers go in oven to keep warm for seconds. I dislike cool food and even if I hear serving dishes it doesn’t stay warm enough.

@Figgygal

I wasnt offered a drink after 3.30 that wasn't squash or tea Outraged spending christmas with SIL, BIL, MIL, FIL and dn at first sil house for dinner with 2 roast potatoes each and then mil in evening was bad enough but to do it dry was just cruel

I was and I couldn't believe that you were given a dry Christmas dinner, that's a disgrace! How the hell did she expect anyone to be happy with no gravy? Unreal!

My MIL has passed away but I had started refusing to go hers for Christmas (they were welcome here). She used to literally block the kitchen door and hide in there all day and not allow you go in. She believed women shouldn’t eat at all (she didn’t seem to be included in this).
We used to hide snacks and go out to eat, bloody ridiculous really.

What's with the small plates? I read recently that a half-plate or a half- cup is a perfectly reasonable thing to order in restaurants in India. Is it a cultural thing? I've never been served dinner on a tea plate, mean in-laws or not.

[quote KimmyKimdoo]@SchadenfreudePersonified I know!!! DH can’t see the problem and said he didn’t really fancy a turkey dinner anyway (to be honest I didn’t either) but that’s not really the point. It was SO awkward being sat there while they all talked about their big dinner and giggling over how big their turkey was and how much room they had for pudding. Meanwhile, we weren’t invited to stay. I really really didn’t want to be there at all. DH has had an earful from me about it, he’s asked if he should say something to MIL but I really can’t imagine what he’d say to her I make it any better. I will certainly not be happy to invite in-laws to ours again next year, but then that would make DH miserable so it’s cutting off your nose really!! Frustrating![/quote]
Invite them to yours to watch your family eat a sumptuous turkey feast while the in-laws sit awkward and you begrudgingly offer them a biscuit. When they complain say, “I just wanted to have all the grandparents together”.

Awkwardly

@larkle

To be fair, men need more calories a day than women www.nhs.uk/common-health-questions/food-and-diet/what-should-my-daily-intake-of-calories-be/ I always give my husband a larger portion. It annoys me that he eats more than me but he is slimmer.

They don't need 4 times the calories of women, though. Mine and dh's plates are usually identical other than him having twice as much potato or rice, compared with me.

My mil had a knee replacement on 22nd so no meals from her this year! Otherwise if undoubtedly have starred a thread! We always book at least one meal out when we're there and escape to the pub for extra chips as often as possible!