Where are all the threads about in laws who starve their guests?!

[SmellyOldPartridgeinaPearTree]

These are a mumsnet Christmas tradition! There were none last year but I could see why, due to covid. But this year people are going and staying with in laws left, right and centre. And yet no one has been served one meal a day of half a roast potato and a wafer thin slice of ham, resulting in a break out to the chippy and the local spar for secret supplies 2 days in

Haha I am undergoing an ongoing penis portion battle. After years of being slim and still being played up a meagre portion compared to DH mountainous plate I made my move last night.
Waited till the plates were down. His loaded obviously. DH distracted with baby so I sat by the loaded plate and started eating. Touche.

@larkle

To be fair, men need more calories a day than women www.nhs.uk/common-health-questions/food-and-diet/what-should-my-daily-intake-of-calories-be/ I always give my husband a larger portion. It annoys me that he eats more than me but he is slimmer.

I've often thought the same when I read these threads - but I suppose it depends to what extremes it's taken.

Plus, Christmas is meant to be a feast.

@Andoffwego

Hilarious I'm going to coin that phrase for my own in laws the house of Christmas moderatation ".
Inspite of being extremely well off my Mil seems to go into worse parsimonious over drive than usual. Telling us how she sourced cheap pies from Costco to feed us, cheapest salmon etc and says it sadly. Turns heating off.
Presents given on strict budgets which she reminds us of as she goes through the day.

It's bloody miserable.
No music fairy lights etc and we are all expected to profusuly thank her for this utter miserable dross.

• "maybe the I've not been fed troll has been banned"

Well they should not have been, even if they were a troll.
Mumsnet is a place, used to be of great fun and humour.

Kimmy - that's just awful!

I can't imagine anyone being so casually rude. What a selfish woman!

Oh and you got offered a drink when you first arrived and that was it, soon learned to take a bottle of water in the car for the drive home!

Are you too precious to make your own drink?

When family are here, we usually make a cup of tea for when they arrive and after that, they help themselves if they want one.

maybe some of the older people cannot afford much to eat and therefore have got used to small portions? many do struggle on pensions hence why houses are colder they are more used to putting on more clothes rather than turning up heating. my partner and I struggle financially and have never used the heating in our rented house we just dress warmer so maybe people would say our house is cold too

@BoredZelda

Oh and you got offered a drink when you first arrived and that was it, soon learned to take a bottle of water in the car for the drive home!

Are you too precious to make your own drink?

When family are here, we usually make a cup of tea for when they arrive and after that, they help themselves if they want one.

I thought the same.

It's not the host's job to be a waiter for every single thing while the guests sit and do nothing.

If you want a drink go and get one. Encourage other guests to do the same, or offer to be in charge of sorting out rounds of drinks if that's more comfortable.

@SchadenfreudePersonified I know!!! DH can’t see the problem and said he didn’t really fancy a turkey dinner anyway (to be honest I didn’t either) but that’s not really the point. It was SO awkward being sat there while they all talked about their big dinner and giggling over how big their turkey was and how much room they had for pudding. Meanwhile, we weren’t invited to stay. I really really didn’t want to be there at all. DH has had an earful from me about it, he’s asked if he should say something to MIL but I really can’t imagine what he’d say to her I make it any better. I will certainly not be happy to invite in-laws to ours again next year, but then that would make DH miserable so it’s cutting off your nose really!! Frustrating!

@SafeMove

I am at the inlaws but they haven't starved me. Just mightily pissed off that me and DP are sleeping on camping mats on the floor of a boiling hot living room that stinks of 3 dogs whilst BIL has a double bed to himself in an upstairs bedroom that is a reasonable temp and no dog smell! And they insist on going to bed late. Fuming.

I refused to stay at our in laws over night for this reason. Cannot tolerate the dog smell in the carpet

@labazslovesliving

maybe some of the older people cannot afford much to eat and therefore have got used to small portions? many do struggle on pensions hence why houses are colder they are more used to putting on more clothes rather than turning up heating. my partner and I struggle financially and have never used the heating in our rented house we just dress warmer so maybe people would say our house is cold too

Not in our case. Much better off than me and DH. And the meagre portion has always only been an issue for me, DH gets adult sized(apart from last night when I did the switch) So I need a way to get the big one again. I can't pull the same trick because I am going to assume she either leaves it to the last minute to put the plates down or she will designate DH a 'seat'. I'm trying to train her into doing equal sized portions and after years of hinting and asking for toast after the meal(never seconds because it's all on DH and fil plates) I'm going for it. If I keep getting the big plate she'll have to start being more equal right?

@larkle

To be fair, men need more calories a day than women www.nhs.uk/common-health-questions/food-and-diet/what-should-my-daily-intake-of-calories-be/ I always give my husband a larger portion. It annoys me that he eats more than me but he is slimmer.

But women need more iron, and yet these accounts never include the woman being given a larger portion of the iron rich foods than the men. Funny that!

My pil's have been dead a few years now so I no longer have to endure strange going off food, fluffy marmalade, way out of date tins of sardines and ancient concrete ice cream.

I can finally relax in my own home every Christmas and it's always the right temperature, clean with a comfy bed and nice food.

Yes and pregnant women need enough to powerhouse two bodies.
And yet my childbearing years I have been engaged in a carbohydrates tug of war.

Food at my ILs is plentiful, but they are somewhat veg phobic. There will be 3 kinds of potatoes on the table but a portion of veg I could quite happily polish off myself to go round 6 adults and 6 kids!

This is why we host now - my mother would insist on putting the turkey and roast potatoes away “for leftovers” as soon as everyone had eaten approximately 10g of meat. The idea of feeling stuffed after Christmas dinner was a pipe dream. We definitely overcompensate now

I adore my grandparents but they are like this. They are so stingy with portions, always go away hungry. Fortunately, they’re local so we don’t stay, just visit. I bring food too in the guise of helping.

@IWishIWas Maybe at Christmas you should... give peas a chance?

I hated the way leftovers from people's plates were saved then put on an uncovered plate in the fridge 🤢 who actually ever ate the leftovers I never managed to discover, but they'd sit there for days.

Dh tried it himself this year and then quickly backed down when I told him that the plates would be scraped into the bin, no arguments. We waste very little food, but I draw the line at leftovers from people's plates being stuffed into the fridge.

I can’t understand why people don’t speak up.
If I was starving hungry I’d ask for food, or declare I was going to faint so would make a sandwich. If they didn’t like it, I really wouldn’t care. Some people need to get a bit more agency!

[quote JennyForeigner]@IWishIWas Maybe at Christmas you should... give peas a chance? [/quote]

I've spoken up for years. Hinted, asked etc etc.
Penis portion continues despite IL having 10+ years experience of me eating heartily, continue to be served what she thinks I should eat rather than what I actually eat.

@Wellhungdonkey

Just heading off there this morning. I’ll report back. Ladies used to get side plates with the men having dinner plates until DH brought out dinner plates a few years ago and had a word.

!!!!!

Bloody hell @Wellhungdonkey, and the normal sized plates were just sitting there in the kitchen gathering dust? It's a wonder you aren't doing time.

I've just come back from a two day stay with relatives which involved:

No heating on from 8pm until 9 am so i had to sleep in my coat

I had to ask if there was breakfast at 10.30 as nothing had been offered. I was then grudgingly shown the cereal cupboard contents.

On Christmas day, there was only one meal.

On boxing day, there was only one other meal bar the grudgingly offered cereal.

I was never offered a drink, I had to ask. Then it was Fair Trade with UHT milk. That goes for both tea and coffee. No chocolates were offered (stacked in the dining room). No wine top up (so just the one).

They are very well off before anyone mentions money being tight. We spent the last day listening to male relative bang on about how well his investments were doing (he's retired).

Honestly, I dont know why, in this day and age, people are still such bad hosts. When they visit me, they get a warm, comfortable room, a choice of fresh hot & cold breakfast options, alcohol topped up constantly, offers of hot/cold drinks made every hour, snacks out & freely available. Three meals a day, plus cake and/or cheese.

It baffles me.

Nothing worse than being hungry away from home!! If we stay anywhere now I bake, traybake type stuff that can be cut up and nibbled at. Whenever there is no sign of a meal I just say "ooh who would like tea and cake?"