Where are all the threads about in laws who starve their guests?!

[SmellyOldPartridgeinaPearTree]

These are a mumsnet Christmas tradition! There were none last year but I could see why, due to covid. But this year people are going and staying with in laws left, right and centre. And yet no one has been served one meal a day of half a roast potato and a wafer thin slice of ham, resulting in a break out to the chippy and the local spar for secret supplies 2 days in

I wasnt offered a drink after 3.30 that wasn't squash or tea
Outraged spending christmas with SIL, BIL, MIL, FIL and dn at first sil house for dinner with 2 roast potatoes each and then mil in evening was bad enough but to do it dry was just cruel

@NoEffingWay

Not this year, but going on what I was fed at MIL's house over the summer.

I took snacks in my suitcase when we visited this summer, because the year before I finally spoke up when it got to 7pm without a single morsel having passed my lips. I got a single satsuma for my dinner!

Didn't you or DH say anything? Did everyone else fast all day?

@larkle

To be fair, men need more calories a day than women www.nhs.uk/common-health-questions/food-and-diet/what-should-my-daily-intake-of-calories-be/ I always give my husband a larger portion. It annoys me that he eats more than me but he is slimmer.

It's not for hosts to decide that their female guests should eat less, any more than they ought to decide their overweight or shorter guests should.

@larkle

To be fair, men need more calories a day than women www.nhs.uk/common-health-questions/food-and-diet/what-should-my-daily-intake-of-calories-be/ I always give my husband a larger portion. It annoys me that he eats more than me but he is slimmer.

But if you had guests would you decide for them what their portion was based on whether they were male or female?

Mine are like this. Make your own breakfast (fine with that), then one meal a day. They snack on chocolates and biscuits a lot throughout the day but that just makes me feel crap (and still hungry). I’m quite skinny and need three proper meals a day!

I have some emergency nuts in my handbag that I keep eating...

PMSL at the peas.

My in laws are like this but serve their daughter a penis portion too. Being married to their sons isn't good enough, being pregnant or breastfeeding. My SIL has been on the scene longer than me, so she eats really quickly then helps herself to leftovers.

I know I eat small portions compared to most whereas my dh eats loads.
For this reason I provide too much food because I am never sure how much people will eat.
Our table was heaving on Christmas day for 5 of us.
Luckily we have a dog who loves leftovers.

Oh, and there are no vegetables. Been here 24 hours and nothing that was grown in soil has passed my lips…

Just heading off there this morning. I’ll report back. Ladies used to get side plates with the men having dinner plates until DH brought out dinner plates a few years ago and had a word.

My ILs are now too frail to host and thank god for that. Tiny portions all round. My husband says they did normal portions when he was growing up but it got gradually worse over the years. Now we do a supermarket stop en route to pick up snacks, and full meals that we know our kids will actually eat.

Also husband used to get ham and egg for his breakfast while me and the kids got Weetabix! What is that all about?

I don’t miss doing Christmas at the in-laws at all. My FIL was lovely, but served super small portions the first year I was there.

I’d not gotten to bed until 4am Christmas morning (was working in a bar at the time) and was on parade at 11am at theirs.

Not a snack to be seen and lunch wasn’t until mid afternoon. I was starving and also knackered.

I was really looking forward to my lunch, and was so disappointed when there were three sprouts apiece and wafer thin meat.

That was the last year that happened. I offered to help FIL cook the following year, he had a year of ‘training’ as me and DH used to go over for a Sunday dinner and I helped in the kitchen (which was FILs domain, he was a great cook there was just never enough). After working out that ouzo was his tipple to cook with, things went swimmingly and much fun was had by all.

We did a few Christmases with the entire family (15+) between us and they were great.

Sadly FIL passed away and MIL doesn’t like me (or DH) very much so it doesn’t happen any more.

I remember sniggering at the penis portion thread. In laws are on a permanent (yet unsuccessful) diet and read that serving good on side plates helped to keep the weight off. I was offered a side plate at my last visit. I’m not overweight and have never been on a diet or ever mentioned trying to lose weight. My overweight DH has yet was given a full dinner plate. They also cook a small chicken to feed 7 adults so MIL surely must be on mumsnet!

Take food with you people. Go to Marks, fill a carrier with attractive bits and pieces and take it to your in-laws under the guise of helping out with extras at Christmas. Put it on plates if necessary and hand it round. As we age, we tend to eat less and it won't necessarily occur to in laws that you are ravenous. I'm old and have one meal a day, just dont get hungry. I've just returned from Christmas with younger family and had forgotten how much an average person eats in one day. Do it. Don't suffer

Oh and you got offered a drink when you first arrived and that was it, soon learned to take a bottle of water in the car for the drive home!

Sounds like my MIL. Plenty of alcohol but nothing for the non alcohol drinkers and because she doesn't like them, never tea or coffee. Used to take soft drinks but other people would snaffle them as well - so I'd keep something in reserve in the car and pop out for forgotten items and to have a swig!!

Getting to that point @AcrossthePond55 you might not be surprised to hear she doesn't offer to do childcare anyway. Never has.

Ha! Didn’t realise these were a thing. Although my MIL is a feeder bless her. No matter your age, your plate is piled to the gods!

I've only stayed with my dad and step mum a couple of times, but for breakfast she'd serve, like, one boiled egg and a slice of bread for breakfast (I'm a real breakfast person.)

Then at one point she tried to claim to my dad that I'd helped myself to a slice of bread (I didn't, but I should have.)

Name change as very specific.

We went to in-laws and it was lovely. Had a lovely time and very grateful for the lovely hosting. Mostly marvellous. But a couple of things were odd...

SIL and I don’t eat meat. We had (overcooked so dry) salmon with roast veg. Gravy not veggie. So dry fish with roast veg. No sauce. It edible but not really enjoyable.

Xmas day in the evening SIL was given homemade millionaires short bread with her cuppa. No body else was. I thought as she was only there for Xmas day that and others were coming the next day that MIL was making sure she got a piece and it would come out the next day for the rest of us.

But it didn’t. My DH had a piece at some point when me and DS were not around. I’m not bothered or upset or anything but was thinking that I would never do that as a host. I’d either have enough for all or I wouldn’t serve it I think?

Our underfeeder relatives didn't host this year, but sibling and I solved the problem by turning up with all the food and cooking ourselves.

They moan that we buy too much then can't find anything to send us back with at the end of the visit!

Could I ask a potentially stupid question? Are there not dishes on the table for people to help themselves? The only time Ive had xmas dinner plated for me is in a restaurant or pub. Even with Sunday roasts there were dishes on the table but normal dinners were plated in the kitchen. Am I the weirdo here?

I would have to make a ton of the stuff and share it out next time you or they visit.
Was your DH aware that the millionaires shortbread was being given only to your MIL’s own grown up children?!

@StrictlyAFemaleFemale

Could I ask a potentially stupid question? Are there not dishes on the table for people to help themselves? The only time Ive had xmas dinner plated for me is in a restaurant or pub. Even with Sunday roasts there were dishes on the table but normal dinners were plated in the kitchen. Am I the weirdo here?

Lots of people plate meals up for guests. It's a working class thing in general...I am working class so can say that! It's because there was usually only a certain amount to go round...so the parent would plate up to make sure everyone got something! Many households still do it....for that reason or just habit.

@Millionairesshortbreadshort

Name change as very specific.

We went to in-laws and it was lovely. Had a lovely time and very grateful for the lovely hosting. Mostly marvellous. But a couple of things were odd...

SIL and I don’t eat meat. We had (overcooked so dry) salmon with roast veg. Gravy not veggie. So dry fish with roast veg. No sauce. It edible but not really enjoyable.

Xmas day in the evening SIL was given homemade millionaires short bread with her cuppa. No body else was. I thought as she was only there for Xmas day that and others were coming the next day that MIL was making sure she got a piece and it would come out the next day for the rest of us.

But it didn’t. My DH had a piece at some point when me and DS were not around. I’m not bothered or upset or anything but was thinking that I would never do that as a host. I’d either have enough for all or I wouldn’t serve it I think?

Oh my God! Special biccies for her own kids and nowt for you? I wouldn't bloody go back! Did you mention it to DH?

After hosting my in-laws for Christmas Day this year (full Christmas dinner and evening buffet, drinks all day etc), we were invited round to see them again yesterday. They were midway through cooking a full Christmas dinner. Huge turkey, the lot. SIL and her family arrived for the feast. She’d been to her in-laws on the 25th so MIL was doing a whole second Christmas for them. We were offered a cup of tea and that was it, then ushered out. Felt very mean MIL said she wanted to see all the grandchildren together for an hour. Can’t believe they didn’t invite us all round to stay or just not make us come round at all!! Sitting there with the smell of it all in their kitchen was so awkward. My 4 year old said “Granny I’m hungry!” At one point and was given a biscuit. The other grandchildren will have been given a three course dinner from the sound of it. Lovely.

Maybe the I’m not been fed troll has been properly banned or moved on to other topics.