Nephew is dog phobic. Visiting dilemma

[DaughterOfEvening]

I’ve kept this quite vague as my SIL is on here. DB has asked to come and visit us with their children, all three over 6. We don’t live close by, a few hours drive. We have room for them to stay. They have not yet visited our house as we moved during lockdown. Their eldest is 12 and has always been dog phobic (will scream, cry, run away)
Phone call today from DB asking for detailed layout of the house and where the dogs will be as “Billy” won’t be in the same room as a dog. We have two very lazy dogs who sleep for 20+ hours a day. The dogs are not barkers or jumpers.

I have reassured him that neither dog will be wandering around and that they will stay on their respective beds in one room downstairs. The dogs have never been upstairs. Ever.
Brother has said that it’s not enough, that’s it’s nothing personal. He’s just not willing to put Billy under any stress.
I’m not sure if he’s expecting me to shut the dogs outside but if he asked this then my polite response would be oh dear, you have long drive back then.
Should I be more accommodating?

@DaughterOfEvening

I’m not doubting the severity of Billy’s phobia or being unsympathetic. I’m concerned that DB is trying to exert control in my home when it’s difficult situation that he has created.

don't be concerned, just don't allow it. Has your brother always been an asshat?

Another FACT for you. Dogs are the biggest mammal killers of humans on the planet. Almost every week in America someone is killed in a dog attack. Then there are the worldwide deaths from diseases dogs pass on to humans. Including recently discovered pathogens from dogs that over time can cause serious, even deadly, illness in humans if left untreated

Oh I'm utterly convinced now, just because you put fact in capitals. And in America?

You sound quite unhinged.

@Whatiswrongwithmyknee

That is exactly what the op is going to do. Can people not read!?

It's not. The OP said the child would be able to see the dogs when he walked along the corridor. So the dogs will be in the room but will not be shut in the room.

@Whatiswrongwithmyknee The OP said the child would only be able to see the dogs if they walked past a corridor, out of their way, to the area that has the dogs.

Now tell us the amount for car accidents, the amount for kids falling off their bikes, and the amount of women bashed by their spouses.....

But whatabout, whatabout whatabout.

Maybe put a baby gate in the doorway to the dogs room? That way they aren’t technically shut in but can’t make an unannounced visit.

My kid hates dogs so we never go to anyone's houses with dogs. Simple.

@iloveayankeecandle

My kid hates dogs so we never go to anyone's houses with dogs. Simple.

If only you were OPs brother!

@Flaxmeadow

Most dog owners minimise.

All the time.

😂 😂

I think if the child's phobia is very severe, then sleeping in the same house as dogs would cause anxiety anyway. If ever there was a reason to stay in a hotel, this is it. Until the child's phobia is overcome, it is the responsibility of the parents to ensure that he feels safe. Trying to use the situation as some sort of aversion therapy, as some have suggested, would be utterly ludicrous. There's a time and a place.

@iloveayankeecandle

My kid hates dogs so we never go to anyone's houses with dogs. Simple.

How logical and sensible. If only this child's father was as considerate of his son.

@Flaxmeadow

Now tell us the amount for car accidents, the amount for kids falling off their bikes, and the amount of women bashed by their spouses.....

But whatabout, whatabout whatabout.

It's a fair comment. Everything can cause illness and injury.

The fact is though, that the OP has bent over absolutely backwards to accomodate the boy, and her brother is a CFer who expresses no gratitude.

OP, I also am wondering why they can't just visit for a coffee the first time, say for 2 hours. Why do they need to stay over? I've noticed on this site that if anyone needs to drive somewhere that takes longer than 30 minutes, they seem to need to stay over for a week. I don't understand this UK quirk.

Dog owners do minimise though ,@Offmyfence. Nobody on here ever admits to having a dog that jumps, that gets into people's personal space, licks, doesn't come back when called, is poorly trained.

Everyone on MN has impeccably trained mutts who trot along at their heels and never behave badly.

That's not quite how most of us experience dogs in the real world though, is it? For every well trained dog, you have one more which is totally out of control, which jumps, barks, runs right up to you, while the owner stands way back either shouting "it's fine, he's friendly" or weakly saying "Fifi, come back Fifi" on repeat while the dog ignores them.

I don't understand why your DB wants to visit you knowing you have two dogs and his son is scared of them. I wouldn't. I have had to suffer visiting various relatives and friends with dogs and it is not a pleasant experience. The last time I came home covered with bruises due to the dog jumping on me repeatedly.

Only on MN do people put animals above people/ their families/ friends! My nephew is dog phobic and it's v real. He'd rather jump into the road rather than walk past a dog on a lead on the pavement. Yes, this is ridiculous because that's what phobias are. Telling him the dog is safe, friendly etc etc makes no difference.
I wouldn't want to put this amount of stress on a young member of my family so would just move the dogs to another room for the duration of the visit.

And if anyone can recommend a good hypnotherapist to help my dn please let me know.

there is no way I would let my child get to 12 years old and have such an intense phobia of dogs

So what is your magic solution? I used to be like this and people had to keep their dogs in different rooms. But back then, they weren't "fur babies" and "part of the family" and people generally understood that not everyone loved dogs.

How did I get over it? Well I didn't ,really. I wouldn't voluntarily visit a house with dogs in it. But I grew out of wanting to cross the road if a dog was on the pavement. Also I like running and if I never went out because I might see a dog I wouldn't be able to go though there are certain places I avoid if I am on my own as people let their dogs off lead there. Ultimately I grew out of it and so will be OP's nephew.

Still waiting to see what the magic treatment is.

a small yorkshire terrier is less of a threat than a massive german shepherd Really? Small dogs tend to be more aggressive - and owners are better at keeping the larger ones on a lead. That said, I did cross the road (safely!) to avoid an off-lead German shepherd a few months ago.

Dogs are the biggest mammal killers of humans on the planet

Errr, no.

That would be humans.

Dog kills per year = 35k
Humans = 440k

No comparison

@RebeccaManderley he wants to see his siblings new house. Dunno about your family but in mine this would be considered normal.

I wouldn't want to put this amount of stress on a young member of my family so would just move the dogs to another room for the duration of the visit.

Or you know his father could save him any stress at all by not taking him to a house with dogs...

Why should the onus be on the OP and not the child's parent?

That would be humans

I obviously meant apart from humans

@MarshmallowFondant

Dog owners do minimise though ,*@Offmyfence*. Nobody on here ever admits to having a dog that jumps, that gets into people's personal space, licks, doesn't come back when called, is poorly trained.

Everyone on MN has impeccably trained mutts who trot along at their heels and never behave badly.

That's not quite how most of us experience dogs in the real world though, is it? For every well trained dog, you have one more which is totally out of control, which jumps, barks, runs right up to you, while the owner stands way back either shouting "it's fine, he's friendly" or weakly saying "Fifi, come back Fifi" on repeat while the dog ignores them.

Some dog owners minimise.

Only on MN is it a case that all of a particular sector do the same thing. E.G. all cyclists ignore traffic rules.

It's the sweeping generalisations that get me.

[quote Porcupineintherough]@RebeccaManderley he wants to see his siblings new house. Dunno about your family but in mine this would be considered normal.[/quote]
Well he can do that, for an hour or so, without the next to stay over.

He can also leave the nephew at home with his mother.

What he really wants to do is bully and intimidate the OP who has bent over backwards to accomodate their nephew, and CFer brother has shown no gratitude whatsoever to the OP nor even stopped to think of the logistics that he is asking of OP. Consideration should go both ways.

[quote Porcupineintherough]@RebeccaManderley he wants to see his siblings new house. Dunno about your family but in mine this would be considered normal.[/quote]
But he doesn't need to stay over to see it?

@JuergenSchwarzwald well said. My nephew would love to know the cure and sounds v similar. My ds lives rurally so there are a lot of dogs off leads, farm dogs etc she has got him a dog attack spray in the hope that this will reassure him. She also goes to great lengths to teach him how to behave around aggressive dogs - no eye contact, don't run, hands in pockets etc

@Flaxmeadow

That would be humans

I obviously meant apart from humans

It wasn’t obvious.

It was just plain wrong

@Flaxmeadow

That would be humans

I obviously meant apart from humans

Did you?