Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Nephew is dog phobic. Visiting dilemma

634 replies

DaughterOfEvening · 27/12/2021 21:50

I’ve kept this quite vague as my SIL is on here. DB has asked to come and visit us with their children, all three over 6. We don’t live close by, a few hours drive. We have room for them to stay. They have not yet visited our house as we moved during lockdown. Their eldest is 12 and has always been dog phobic (will scream, cry, run away)
Phone call today from DB asking for detailed layout of the house and where the dogs will be as “Billy” won’t be in the same room as a dog. We have two very lazy dogs who sleep for 20+ hours a day. The dogs are not barkers or jumpers.

I have reassured him that neither dog will be wandering around and that they will stay on their respective beds in one room downstairs. The dogs have never been upstairs. Ever.
Brother has said that it’s not enough, that’s it’s nothing personal. He’s just not willing to put Billy under any stress.
I’m not sure if he’s expecting me to shut the dogs outside but if he asked this then my polite response would be oh dear, you have long drive back then.
Should I be more accommodating?

OP posts:
Whatiswrongwithmyknee · 28/12/2021 10:29

That is exactly what the op is going to do. Can people not read!?

It's not. The OP said the child would be able to see the dogs when he walked along the corridor. So the dogs will be in the room but will not be shut in the room.

downtonupton · 28/12/2021 10:31

blimmin eck dogs are dogs and it will do them no harm to be left in another room for the duration of the visit.

I am a dog person - but my Dad is phobic. Whenever my Dad visits our small dog is sent to stay with a friend. it was just what we do so my Dad can come.

If I was the uncle I would be a little off put if my sister didn't respect my child's phobia. I'd also question why a dog is more important than a child.

If I was OP I'd do the video she suggested and keep the dogs in the other room.

phobias by nature are not rational

TrashyPanda · 28/12/2021 10:32

@Whatiswrongwithmyknee

That is exactly what the op is going to do. Can people not read!?

It's not. The OP said the child would be able to see the dogs when he walked along the corridor. So the dogs will be in the room but will not be shut in the room.

What she actually said was:

The layout of the house is such that Billy would not need to walk through the room where the dogs will be. He would be able to see them if he chose to walk past the corridor leading to that part of the house

So there is no reason for him to go anywhere near the dogs.

PinkWaferBiscuit · 28/12/2021 10:33

@Whatiswrongwithmyknee

That is exactly what the op is going to do. Can people not read!?

It's not. The OP said the child would be able to see the dogs when he walked along the corridor. So the dogs will be in the room but will not be shut in the room.

This is exactly what the OP said.

The layout of the house is such that Billy would not need to walk through the room where the dogs will be. He would be able to see them if he chose to walk past the corridor leading to that part of the house.

The child wouldn't need to see the dogs and they would be away from him and the other people in the house. However he probably still wouldn't feel comfortable being at the house even if they were locked away or shut outside so the only viable option is for them not to come.

ChardonnaysPetDragon · 28/12/2021 10:34

Your post was much better TrashyPanda.

TrashyPanda · 28/12/2021 10:34

If I was the uncle I would be a little off put if my sister didn't respect my child's phobia. I'd also question why a dog is more important than a child

And if you were OP would you question why your brothers nosiness was more important than his child?

Mischance · 28/12/2021 10:39

If the dogs just sleep all the time, could they not do that in a shut off room?

nanbread · 28/12/2021 10:39

Firstly I'd really interrogate if your dogs are as placid and docile and stay in one place with guests as you say.

I can't think of anyone who says "yeah my dog is a complete nightmare and will lick and jump up at everyone". Most dog owners minimise.

And yes they might stay in their beds when it's just the family at home, but when a stranger or young kids are in the house?

Secondly, you haven't said if the dogs will be shut in the room, and whether that door will be opened repeatedly allowing the dogs to come out if they want to.

Offmyfence · 28/12/2021 10:39

@Whatiswrongwithmyknee

That is exactly what the op is going to do. Can people not read!?

It's not. The OP said the child would be able to see the dogs when he walked along the corridor. So the dogs will be in the room but will not be shut in the room.

Oh not if he chose too!
billy1966 · 28/12/2021 10:42

Your brother sounds unpleasant.

He patronises you and make you feel bullied, and is only interested in having a nose around your house?

I'd be avoiding that visit and blow him off.

BeeDavis · 28/12/2021 10:42

No you shouldn’t be more accommodating. Cheeky fuckers if they want to enable their child’s fear of dogs they should stay away from your house. How’s he going to overcome this fear if he’s kept away from them? How pathetic!!

Offmyfence · 28/12/2021 10:43

*only

Flaxmeadow · 28/12/2021 10:43

Why don't you put this in proportion to all admissions and injuries and stop bleating?

What a ridiculous reply. That because people are admitted into hospital for other reasons, then dog bites/attacks are not a problem

Another FACT for you. Dogs are the biggest mammal killers of humans on the planet. Almost every week in America someone is killed in a dog attack. Then there are the worldwide deaths from diseases dogs pass on to humans. Including recently discovered pathogens from dogs that over time can cause serious, even deadly, illness in humans if left untreated

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 28/12/2021 10:44

@Flaxmeadow

What utter twaddle

Is this twaddle?

'Figures show an average of around 7,693 admissions to NHS hospitals a year for dog-related injuries, with a total of 23,078 between 2015 and 2018.'

Look at drink driving. Or just drinking or just driving in fact. Or any number of other things. This is nothing to do with your bias against dogs. Just answer the ops question
Blackberrybunnet · 28/12/2021 10:44

How hard is it to shut your dogs in a room?

nanbread · 28/12/2021 10:45

If OP had pet tarantulas and snakes instead I wonder how different the replies would be?

godmum56 · 28/12/2021 10:45

@Flaxmeadow

Why don't you put this in proportion to all admissions and injuries and stop bleating?

What a ridiculous reply. That because people are admitted into hospital for other reasons, then dog bites/attacks are not a problem

Another FACT for you. Dogs are the biggest mammal killers of humans on the planet. Almost every week in America someone is killed in a dog attack. Then there are the worldwide deaths from diseases dogs pass on to humans. Including recently discovered pathogens from dogs that over time can cause serious, even deadly, illness in humans if left untreated

umm I think that globally humans kill more humans than dogs do....or maybe you have got documented proof of your assertion?
godmum56 · 28/12/2021 10:46

@nanbread

If OP had pet tarantulas and snakes instead I wonder how different the replies would be?
no different at all from me
Offmyfence · 28/12/2021 10:46

@nanbread

Firstly I'd really interrogate if your dogs are as placid and docile and stay in one place with guests as you say.

I can't think of anyone who says "yeah my dog is a complete nightmare and will lick and jump up at everyone". Most dog owners minimise.

And yes they might stay in their beds when it's just the family at home, but when a stranger or young kids are in the house?

Secondly, you haven't said if the dogs will be shut in the room, and whether that door will be opened repeatedly allowing the dogs to come out if they want to.

So you're choosing not to believe anything in the OPs posts?

And she's already covered the door situation, it will be open.

Do remember that the OP had not invited these guests, they've invited themselves.

So if they don't like the arrangement, the very simple answer is... don't come.

But OP is trying to accommodate them, which is very good of her.

You're not a dog lover , are you?

orderagain · 28/12/2021 10:48

I have a severe dog allergy. Itchy eyes, struggle breathing, coughing, sneezing. It's really miserable.
And when I explain this to dog owners who invite us into their homes, we always get the " just take an antihistamine "
"Oh, our dog doesn't cause allergies" ( yes they do. Even the so called hypoallergenic ones).
But mostly the response is "it's our dog's home too. They won't be moved"

I know this situation of mine is slightly removed from the OP. However a 12 year old with a serious dog phobia, is a serious issue, and not solved easily.

Dog owners sometimes just don't seem to get it...

Personally if I was the OP I would be very considerate, and isolate the dogs in one particular room for the night. Not everyone loves your dogs sadly

TatianaBis · 28/12/2021 10:50

Dog owners sometimes just don't seem to get it...

By the sounds of it, it's the boy's father who is not getting it.

They can't go, it's fairly simple.

Offmyfence · 28/12/2021 10:50

@orderagain

I have a severe dog allergy. Itchy eyes, struggle breathing, coughing, sneezing. It's really miserable. And when I explain this to dog owners who invite us into their homes, we always get the " just take an antihistamine " "Oh, our dog doesn't cause allergies" ( yes they do. Even the so called hypoallergenic ones). But mostly the response is "it's our dog's home too. They won't be moved"

I know this situation of mine is slightly removed from the OP. However a 12 year old with a serious dog phobia, is a serious issue, and not solved easily.

Dog owners sometimes just don't seem to get it...

Personally if I was the OP I would be very considerate, and isolate the dogs in one particular room for the night. Not everyone loves your dogs sadly

If only OP had thought about the dog being in a separate room? What a great idea 🙄.
Flaxmeadow · 28/12/2021 10:51

Most dog owners minimise.

All the time.

ForagingForMullberries · 28/12/2021 10:52

@Flaxmeadow

What utter twaddle

Is this twaddle?

'Figures show an average of around 7,693 admissions to NHS hospitals a year for dog-related injuries, with a total of 23,078 between 2015 and 2018.'

Now tell us the amount for car accidents, the amount for kids falling off their bikes, and the amount of women bashed by their spouses.....
Whinge · 28/12/2021 10:52

And when I explain this to dog owners who invite us into their homes, we always get the " just take an antihistamine

A severe dog allergy is very different to a phobia. Would you put yourself in the situation of being around dogs if you had a choice? As the Op hasn't invited her brother, he's invited himself.