feeling like I hate my baby

[Whitemousepinkears]

I don’t but I hate never sleeping and I feel so angry.

How old is the baby? Be aware of the rising post natal depression- it’s very common and wanting to be away from your baby is a classic symptom.

Many GPs are crap at spotting it, but if you’re really struggling or crying a lot it’s quite likely you may have it.

When your baby is six months you can sleep train. We consulted a sleep consultant; it worked brilliantly and I’d recommend it. Good luck- hang on in there, it gets easier.

In the worst days me and DH would take turns taking full nights off. You have to go to another room or building and have faith the child will be looked after.
You can't even sightly accidentally hear them and become part of their care or it won't work.

Put t-shirt in bed with him that smell of u so he will smell u there. Tell bf ti give a bottle it's so hard I know had 3 of my own. If feel overwhelming by reading everything just private x
Everyone has had that wtf feeling but I promise it will pass I'm telling myself that with a different situation it all comes wit time x

OP, can you and your husband not alternate nights?

It makes no difference who gets up. He screams and no one sleeps. I don’t sleep and DH doesn’t sleep. If nothing else it’s fair.

Why doesn't your DH help out? Mine used to do weekend waking, is that an option? Or you deal with waking until x time and then swop?
I do understand about getting angry when they cry and yes they do cry more when you take a 5 minute break but you need that time to calm down and providing your baby is safe leave them to it.
I know most people aren't fans of controlled crying but it worked in 2 nights with eldest. DD2 we had to do the gradual retreat which took longer, around 3 weeks but involved less crying. Luckily DC3 didn't need sleep training.
Whatever approach you take give it time to work and and be prepared to do it ar every waking.
Contact your HV if you're worried, I think some of them have contacts to sleep consultant's who might offer further guidance.

I never co slept with any of my 3 children, I would never be able to sleep without waking each other up, I don't think there is a magical cure to make them sleep through before there're ready to but some things can help, when I put my babies into their cot, I would put them down, wind the cot mobile, shut the door and leave them to settle themselves, worked when tired, if hungry they got fed, no talking to them at all at night, it's time to sleep so no attention, straight back in the cot after bottle, wind mobile leave them.
It's finding a new way for you that works.

I see someone mentioned sleep training. What have you tried in relation to that? What helped my ds was "pick up put down" method. So no crying it out etc. Just up for a quick cuddle and down. Maybe 100 times. But each night it reduced. He's far from a perfect sleeper. Sometimes still wakes up a few times but can pat his back for 30 seconds and he settles again.

I can't give advice but just wanted to reach out. My DS is 20 months and I'm currently sat up holding him now because he still wakes up for a cuddle every few hours. Last week, I ended up on a sofa bed in his room because he wouldn't settle at all. We tried sleep training methods but they didn't work for us. I totally agree with your comment about wanting them to be 4 year old. Parenting would be much more enjoyable if they came out sleeping through the night, able to walk & talk, and eat a meal without the tantrums and food throwing

So much sympathy, OP. It’s beyond hard. I second the advice about seeing your GP. Mine was really helpful, I hope yours is too.

It's bloody hard and I feel for you. It will get better but sleep deprivation is sound destroying. Could you take turns and on your night off sleep downstairs with ear plugs? I vaguely remember doing this and the difference I felt after 7 hours uninterrupted sleep was huge.

Is he sleeping too long during the day? Maybe he's not tired at night.

Do you do a dream feed around 10.30/11pm?

Is he hungry? Could you try hungry baby milk?

I never co-slept - think it sounds dangerous. But did do a strict routine and it worked for both mine.

Pick up put down - falls asleep when picked up, screams blue murder put down.

Eventually (after an hour or more) gives in.

Then wakes up an hour later.

Ferber - doesn’t give a toss whether you’re in the room or not. Just wants to be picked up out of cot.

Sarah ockwell smith - not totally sure she recommends anything other than never sleeping again ever.

CIO haven’t tried yet. Not sure will work.

Definitely doesn’t sleep too long in the day and he is tired. Just won’t sleep. Not hungry - refuses bottle.

Mine woke several times a night for 3 years from birth. The sleep deprivation made me very ill. Husband and family coming to stay at times tried to help but he only wanted me. I tried everything, health visitor, paediatrician then one night I was watching EastEnders with him on me crying as I'd given up yet again trying to get him off. He stopped at the theme music the cried again when the programme started so I rewound it and played the theme tune three more times and he fell asleep. I kid you not. When I was pregnant the only thing I watched regular was EastEnders so he was clearly listening and relaxed as that was really the only time during pregnancy I sat down and relaxed! After a few nights of the bloody theme tune settling him down o couldn't take the theme tune on loop anymore so I found some white noises on you tube. For the next two years he went to sleep listening to hoover noise on a loop (I cleaned and hoovered alot when I was pregnant), now I'm no expert but I reckon babies miss being in the womb for a long time, they hear everything while you are pregnant so maybe it's not totally mad they remember certain sounds and songs from their time inside you, well it worked for me and for all my others so why not try it. Play something you watched or listened to alot of when pregnant, worth a try and white noise may help to,.womb noise, anything..good luck it's very hard going

There is no co sleeping in they same bed and Co sleeping with the proper cot. That was an absolute life saver for Me. I was absolutely coke this am because I have been a little sleep deprived for two nights. Its so awful.
On the other hand keep reminding yourself how vulnerable he is, he doesn't understand he's making his care giver pushed to the edge.
He's just trying to survive and live and he loves being in your arms.

• arf. I was not coke this am I was "Vile".

Yep he has a white noise sheep and white noise machine. Just doesn’t work. I think I’ve just made too many mistakes and now I’m too exhausted and don’t know where to begin and I resent him and he probably hates me because I do get impatient and ratty with him. It’s shit.

Your baby loves you more than anyone in the world.

I totally feel for you, mine (now 2) was an absolutely horrible sleeper, I hated nighttime and my heart would sink when I heard her wake up in the night. I would often sit there holding her in the dark planning how to just walk out the door and never come back. Sleep deprivation is awful. We turned a corner at 13months when we got a sleep consultant, best £200 I ever spent. Was a really tough 3-4 weeks but she then got it and started to sleep properly. The change actually meant that I could properly start loving her, which I don't think I wholeheartedly did before then! It made me train to become a sleep consultant myself (still doing the training now) contact baby sleep the night, that was who we used. Changed my life. Good luck, and just keep going xxxx

It will pass. Not that it helps us saying that right now.
He can't help it, just wants to be with what he craves the feeling of most and feels safe which is you, I know it's hard but please don't get ratty with him, he's so little he can most likely sense your stress too, could you ask your parents for help at all? Or your dh parents? Have him stay with them so your in a different house not a different room. Just for a night to help you catch up on sleep ?

I really want to look into a sleep consultant but DH thinks it’s a waste of money. It’s causing arguments and resentment.

Your doing a great job. You'll look back at this in the future and think wow I did get through it! Xx

We don’t have parents who can help. And I know it’s horrible to get ratty with him. I just get so angry. I haven’t slept in over a year and I’m sick of it.

@Whitemousepinkears it is not a waste of money. Can't you just do it for your self if anything without his involvement of opinion? Xx
Could you hire a night time nanny as a last option?
Just for a few hours on certain nights in the weeks?