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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feeling horrible. Just wanting an outlet.

146 replies

heldinadream · 26/12/2021 21:47

I hate christmas and I don't really like having people in my house, I find it stressful. I usually avoid the xmas thing by housesitting but our housesit fell through because covid, and now I have staying with me and my DH the people that I most love in the world and more of them coming tomorrow and the people who are staying have just come in and started to make themselves a meal - having said they would have eaten. I stay in control of my emotions by keeping the kitchen how I like it, keeping it in my control. So that's gone, and I now feel like cancelling tomorrow. I feel like utter shit. I feel so angry but not angry at anyone. I love them to pieces but this is not good for me.
There are no answers. Thank you for listening.

They've also trod dirt up the staircase and knocked a picture off the wall (it's unharmed).
I never want to see hair nor hide of xmas again. If I don't get a house-sit next year I'm fucking off somewhere anyway.

OP posts:
LittleRoundRobin · 26/12/2021 21:49

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

RampantIvy · 26/12/2021 21:51

Why do you invite people you don't want to your house?
Why do they keep their shoes on if it is obviously a shoes off household?

MrsMadderRose · 26/12/2021 21:55

OP I just want you to know that I’m shuddering for you at the thought of people cooking in and messing up my kitchen and treading dirt around/knocking things. That would really wind me up as well. I need to feel in control of my own space and I understand.

Original poster
heldinadream · 26/12/2021 22:00

I didn't invite them, they were going to stay here while we were away house-sitting so when the sit was cancelled suddenly we're all here. One of these people is my younger dd. They did the shoe thing because of arriving with a sleeping baby and getting baby swiftly into house was therefore prioritised over shoe removal.

OP posts:
Original poster
heldinadream · 26/12/2021 22:04

Thank you @MrsMadderRose I appreciate that. I'm so close to tears and so don't want them to think they are upsetting me. I've ducked out and gone to bed and left them all to it.

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 26/12/2021 22:06

Could you not have cancelled them?

Original poster
heldinadream · 26/12/2021 22:09

@RampantIvy if I'd cancelled them I'd have felt like a terrible mean mother who didn't want to see her dd or gorgeous baby dgd- and I did want to see them I just wanted to be in control of a few things.

OP posts:
SameToo · 26/12/2021 22:12

Stop inviting people over even if you’re going to house sit. Sounds like you don’t enjoy it at all so why bother.

RampantIvy · 26/12/2021 22:15

Can you not take back control and lay a few ground rules before they drive you round the bend?

itwasntaparty · 26/12/2021 22:23

I get where you're coming from.

Shantotto · 26/12/2021 22:24

I’m sorry you’re feeling so bad but it seems very extreme to be so upset about your own daughter using your kitchen? Do you act like this when they come to visit at other times or just Christmas?

Hiphopopotamus · 26/12/2021 22:26

Wait it’s your daughter? It sounds like they haven’t actually done anything wrong Confused

Original poster
heldinadream · 26/12/2021 22:26

@RampantIvy I just didn't know they were going to come in and want to cook. I offered them a meal and they'd said no, we will have eaten. Then they arrived and went straight into the fridge devising a meal. If I said no then dd's husband would be annoyed. I can't bear creating conflict now, just before my other dd and her family come over tomorrow. I've only got to get through 36 hours.

OP posts:
yourestandingonmyneck · 26/12/2021 22:26

I could see where you were coming from until you said it was your daughter.

Now I just feel a bit bad for your daughter and young granddaughter.

Maybe you could go for a bath and try to relax a bit? They are here now so it's what you make of it, really.

Original poster
heldinadream · 26/12/2021 22:28

@Hiphopopotamus they haven't done anything wrong this is me being an emotional mess and trying to manage it. That's exactly what's going on.

OP posts:
namechanged221 · 26/12/2021 22:29

You sound very highly strung

Kitchens can be cleaned as can the stairs....

Your family are more important than material possessions and how clean your house is.
Can you give yourself a talking to and get on with it?

Original poster
heldinadream · 26/12/2021 22:30

I've gone to bed. I'm just dreading tomorrow. I'm such a mess is the truth and I can't always keep it under wraps.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 26/12/2021 22:30

Maybe you need to look at other ways of managing your emotions.

Original poster
heldinadream · 26/12/2021 22:31

@namechanged221 yes you're right and that's helpful, thank you.

OP posts:
tabletipper · 26/12/2021 22:33

Do you have ADHD op? I only ask this as I do, and i recognise some of your feelings, My home is my safe space and i adore my family, but i also need a place to decompress and escape if i have been over stimulated,

Firstly stop the negative self talk, its only going to make you feel worse,
Have a talk with yourself - This is not forever, it had a time limit on they wont be in your home for weeks on end, so give your self a break but also let the standards slip, just a little,
Its essential you take some small breaks for me I do a quick dog walk, Run a bath, put a face mask/hair mask on so that i can have some time out, I will put on a tv show and watch it in the bedroom that no1 else is a fan of in my case some historical drama poss with adult scenes so this cant be watched with guests that kind of thing.
I know that all of this can make me seem less than welcoming but the alternative is i sit there boiling with some rage or feelings that are so uncomfortable. I always thought i was a cold uncaring person but once i was diagnosed with ADHD it was like all the dots connected, I was over stimulated and i had to 'Mask' it in front of my family/guests

this is how i manage it, i hope of it helps

RampantIvy · 26/12/2021 22:33

Do you usually struggle when plans change at the last minute?

Original poster
heldinadream · 26/12/2021 22:33

@Wolfiefan any suggestions?

OP posts:
Throckmorton · 26/12/2021 22:36

Hide for a bit with headphones on. I get you - I love my people but by god I need my space.

AnneLovesGilbert · 26/12/2021 22:36

Are you getting the professional help you need?

Inviting your children over for Christmas then going to bed upset because they made a meal isn’t normal.

You don’t sound at all happy to see them and the arrival of your other daughter seems to fill you with dread.

They’ll be feeling very unwelcome. That’s so sad.

Throckmorton · 26/12/2021 22:42

There are some people on this thread who really have no concept of introverts...