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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mil hit the dog

568 replies

LilyTheMink · 26/12/2021 20:58

We have a 1 year old medium sized dog. He isn't badly behaved and doesn't normally jump up. When MIL arrived for Xmas, he was a little excited - but honestly nothing hyperactive at all.
He jumped around when MIL was hugging my daughter and I told him to get down. I turned my back and he must have done it again as suddenly he was sneezing and shaking his head. This is what he does when he's knocked his nose on something eg. the coffee table.
The kids told me that MIL had hit him.
I wasn't sure what to do and spend the rest of the time keeping him out of her way - although to be honest he did that himself anyway.
She's been horrible to our pets before - once flicking our 3 month off kitten off the table like he was a breadcrumb.
DH has just grown a spine and spoken to her about another ussue - she told our 10 yo DD she was "selfish and didn't think about other people" because she didn't want to wear the Xmas jumper DH had bought her. (This was said in private, but DD luckily told me as she was upset by it).
Wibu to tell her she's not welcome to ever come back if she shows aggression to our pets again, or speaks badly to our kids?

OP posts:
MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 26/12/2021 23:15

It's about dog owners prioritising animals over humans isn't it.

Allowing a dog to jump up at a visitor is just rude. The visitor will feel bad.

Woe betide, the dog is made to feel bad. But it's fine to make visitors
feel bad?

@echt

RoyalFamilyFan · 26/12/2021 23:16

It doesnt excuse hitting the dog, although OP did not see what actually happened.
But there are a lot of people on here who seem to think visitors should basically put up with dogs jumping up on them if they are not able to get them to stop gently.

EishetChayil · 26/12/2021 23:17

she drove 5 hours to get to us so I couldn't throw her out

You could.

Electricbug321 · 26/12/2021 23:17

@echt I was about to say the exact same thing

@RoyalFamilyFan pushing a kitten off a table wouldn’t give you pause about a person?

One year old dogs are still learning, they get excited, they need to learn and be taught, but hitting them is barbaric and of the same era of giving kids a smack.

KurtWildesChristmasNamechange · 26/12/2021 23:18

@MyOtherCarIsAPorsche

It's about dog owners prioritising animals over humans isn't it.

Allowing a dog to jump up at a visitor is just rude. The visitor will feel bad.

Woe betide, the dog is made to feel bad. But it's fine to make visitors
feel bad?

@echt

No. It's about dogs not being hit by visitors. Can't believe people are excusing this tbh.
Electricbug321 · 26/12/2021 23:19

@MyOtherCarIsAPorsche but the OPs dog was a misbehaving over excited puppy? That is a different planet from what you were describing.

Cherrypies · 26/12/2021 23:19

Hi OP

Sorry this happened, upsetting for you, 1year old is a baby really and as you have said is training.
My dogs are older, but they are not robots, so yes they do get excited when people visit. So I keep them behind a baby gate, until the initial excitement has worn off. If it is someone I don't know well, I just check if they are ok with dogs, then release them if ok.
Might be an idea for you.
That said, I would be furious if anyone hit my dogs. Really stupid anyway, what if the dog retaliates?
If she was bitten, then ultimately, the dog could pay the price.

SnowdropSally · 26/12/2021 23:19

@HamCob

Yes!!
It seems to be some weird blind spot with some dog owners. Not everyone wants your dog jumping all over them. If they are jumpy then keep them out of the way for heavens sake.
SIL has a spaniel that knocked my 2 yr old flying then jumped up at my 5 year old dragging its claws down his chest and leaving red welts while SIL giggled and said 'don't worry she'll calm down in a minute'. To be honest I felt like smacking it on the nose 😡

Don’t go visit then, it’s not rocket science ☺️ There is NO excuse for smacking an animal. Do you smack your children when they misbehave? 🙄

echt · 26/12/2021 23:19

@MyOtherCarIsAPorsche

It's about dog owners prioritising animals over humans isn't it.

Allowing a dog to jump up at a visitor is just rude. The visitor will feel bad.

Woe betide, the dog is made to feel bad. But it's fine to make visitors
feel bad?

@echt

That is not the point the OP is making.

Nor am I.

MrsBaublesDylan · 26/12/2021 23:19

Being someone's Mum and Grandmother doesn't mean you can hit dogs without repercussions.

I mean, even my violent, alcoholic Dad managed not to hit my sisters two huge, badly trained rescue dogs when they jump up at him.

She sounds like an unpleasant person who should have no place in your lives.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 26/12/2021 23:19

@KurtWildesChristmasNamechange

Can't believe people are arguing with OP about what happened in her own home and verified by her own DC!

OP if she was my mil she'd never set foot in my house again. And talking to your DD like that was out of line too.

I suspect because as most of us know, children are not always shining beacons of the absolute truth
RoyalFamilyFan · 26/12/2021 23:20

@Electricbug321 it depends on the context.

Pugdogmom · 26/12/2021 23:20

excuse me but what is the big deal with hitting a dog that is jumping up or being a nuisance? it's even suggested when dogs jump up you knee them in their belly or push them backwards, which to me seems much worse than a smack on the nose?
sounds to me like you're making excuses for a poorly trained dog who rushes to the door. some people don't like that behavior.

I have a puppy who is learning manners, and not to jump up, and if anyone did what you suggest to any of my dogs they would be on their arse outside my door quicker than you could blink! 😡.

RoyalFamilyFan · 26/12/2021 23:21

@MyrtlethePurpleTurtle exactly! Kids regularly say hit when its a push, or even an accident.

AnotherEmma · 26/12/2021 23:21

[quote RoyalFamilyFan]@AnotherEmma it is easy to keep a close eye on a puppy at key times such as when someone arrives.[/quote]
I'm sure it is.
I would like to see you simultaneously keeping an eye on the puppy, staying within earshot of MIL in case she talks to any of your children, and somehow preventing her from hurting any animals or saying anything hurtful to anyone.
It's extraordinarily naive to think this is possible and foolish to try.
As an absolute minimum you need DH on board, but of course he's not going to be best placed to keep his mother in check since he's been conditioned by her since birth and is probably deep in the FOG.

RoyalFamilyFan · 26/12/2021 23:23

@AnotherEmma you hold the puppy when MIL arrives and until the puppy has calmed down. You are all in the same room.

Electricbug321 · 26/12/2021 23:23

@RoyalFamilyFan well the OP can correct me if I’m wrong, but the contest seemed to be that a young kitten was sitting on a table in the OPs house? Tbh I can’t see a context where sweeping a kitten off a table is ever ok. If you don’t want it there, surely you just pick it up and put it on the floor.

Sunflowers095 · 26/12/2021 23:23

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

AnotherEmma · 26/12/2021 23:23

@RoyalFamilyFan

I don't think the things you outline are anywhere near bad enough to expect your DCs and DP to cut contact with her.
Perhaps not, but she doesn't have to invite MIL into her home.
KurtWildesChristmasNamechange · 26/12/2021 23:24

I suspect because as most of us know, children are not always shining beacons of the absolute truth

So you're supposed to disbelieve them then? Sorry but when my DC tell me things I take it at face value not assume they're lying Confused

Poppinjay · 26/12/2021 23:24

Allowing a dog to jump up at a visitor is just rude.

Not as bad as hitting other people's dogs though.

The OP had just intervened to stop the dog jumping up. In an ideal world, she would have been able to watch from within arm's reach of the dog every second of the visit to ensure it didn't happen again but this is real life. People aren't perfect and nor are dogs. That doesn't make hitting them OK.

Sunflowers095 · 26/12/2021 23:27

@RoyalFamilyFan

It doesnt excuse hitting the dog, although OP did not see what actually happened. But there are a lot of people on here who seem to think visitors should basically put up with dogs jumping up on them if they are not able to get them to stop gently.
So you think if someone can't/shouldn't put up with it they should abuse animals? I hope you don't own any.
nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 26/12/2021 23:28

She'd have been out of my house then and there.
Wouldn't give a fuck how long the drive was. Find a hotel, air bnb, comfy bus stop, I don't care. No one hits my dogs and expects to stay in my home.

Whether I'd hit her back or not is 50/50.

Bortles · 26/12/2021 23:28

Shaking head and sneezing is because the dog has hurt his head, generally nose area.
If you own a dog and were remotely observant you'd know this. They dont have to yelp if they're hurt. The same way you'd shake your hand if you whacked your finger on a doorframe or something.
Tune in. Most of their communication is body language.

HamCob · 26/12/2021 23:28

[quote SnowdropSally]@HamCob

Yes!!
It seems to be some weird blind spot with some dog owners. Not everyone wants your dog jumping all over them. If they are jumpy then keep them out of the way for heavens sake.
SIL has a spaniel that knocked my 2 yr old flying then jumped up at my 5 year old dragging its claws down his chest and leaving red welts while SIL giggled and said 'don't worry she'll calm down in a minute'. To be honest I felt like smacking it on the nose 😡

Don’t go visit then, it’s not rocket science ☺️ There is NO excuse for smacking an animal. Do you smack your children when they misbehave? 🙄[/quote]
Ooh what a great idea, if only before I'd even given birth I'd thought of never ever going to visit SIL just in case her dog jumped on us Hmm
Actually we don't visit now because she can't keep her dog under control but unfortunately I couldn't have foreseen that incident was going to happen as we hadn't been to her home for some time.
For the record I haven't ever hit an animal or a child and don't condone it, the point I was trying to make (which you have disingenuously missed) was that it in that split second it really upset me and my children. People really shouldn't let their dogs jump all over their guests whatever the excuse.

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