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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mil hit the dog

568 replies

LilyTheMink · 26/12/2021 20:58

We have a 1 year old medium sized dog. He isn't badly behaved and doesn't normally jump up. When MIL arrived for Xmas, he was a little excited - but honestly nothing hyperactive at all.
He jumped around when MIL was hugging my daughter and I told him to get down. I turned my back and he must have done it again as suddenly he was sneezing and shaking his head. This is what he does when he's knocked his nose on something eg. the coffee table.
The kids told me that MIL had hit him.
I wasn't sure what to do and spend the rest of the time keeping him out of her way - although to be honest he did that himself anyway.
She's been horrible to our pets before - once flicking our 3 month off kitten off the table like he was a breadcrumb.
DH has just grown a spine and spoken to her about another ussue - she told our 10 yo DD she was "selfish and didn't think about other people" because she didn't want to wear the Xmas jumper DH had bought her. (This was said in private, but DD luckily told me as she was upset by it).
Wibu to tell her she's not welcome to ever come back if she shows aggression to our pets again, or speaks badly to our kids?

OP posts:
Original poster
LilyTheMink · 26/12/2021 22:54

@SoniaFouler

Read the OP's OP.

The OP didn’t see anything

Why do you think my dog was walking about sneezing and shaking his head immediately afterwards?
OP posts:
RoyalFamilyFan · 26/12/2021 22:55

What does your DP think?

KurtWildesChristmasNamechange · 26/12/2021 22:56

excuse me but what is the big deal with hitting a dog that is jumping up or being a nuisance?

SERIOUSLY?!

You don't hit dogs. Period. And you certainly don't walk into the dogs home and fucking do it!

Original poster
LilyTheMink · 26/12/2021 22:57

@RoyalFamilyFan

What does your DP think?
He already talked to her about the selfish. He doesn't address my concerns about the pets, but I may just show him this thread to make him understand.
OP posts:
Kshhuxnxk · 26/12/2021 22:59

@fallfallfall

excuse me but what is the big deal with hitting a dog that is jumping up or being a nuisance? it's even suggested when dogs jump up you knee them in their belly or push them backwards, which to me seems much worse than a smack on the nose? sounds to me like you're making excuses for a poorly trained dog who rushes to the door. some people don't like that behavior.
So what's your excuse for throwing a kitten off the table? Oh wait, am guessing the kitten shouldn't have been on the table, OP's table, in OP's house.

Anyone who makes excuses for animal abuse is just as bad as the abuser.

Unicornocopia · 26/12/2021 22:59

For those on the thread who think violence is an appropriate response to a dog that jumps up - arms folded across chest and turn away from the jump as previous pp said will deal with the situation.

Unless you want to be a goady fucker in which case carry on barging into someone else's home and smacking or kneeing the residents.

AnotherEmma · 26/12/2021 23:00

@LilyTheMink

I am now remembering the tale she told me of when DH bit her when he was a baby about 10 months old. She triumphantly says she bit him back and he never did it again. Angry I am not going to cut contact but have decided to closely supervise her interactions with DCs and pets, to prevent any further incidents. Obv if it happens again I will reassess.
Seriously? Are you going to be right next to her at all times, then?!

That wouldn't be much fun, if it was even possible.

She will continue to be cruel to the children and animals the minute your back is turned.

angieloumc · 26/12/2021 23:01

[quote fallfallfall]@Prescottdanni123 dog owner for decades with multiple breeds and fully understand how people will smack a dog on the nose, or put up their knee for a jumping dog.

i don't resort to those techniques but certainly would understand how someone else might.[/quote]
You said 'what's the big deal about hitting a dog'. And you're a dog owner. Awful attitude to have. I don't particularly like dogs but I find that pretty shocking how callous you are.

RoyalFamilyFan · 26/12/2021 23:01

@Unicornocopia it doesn't work with a dog that doesn't know you. It really doesn't.
The only thing that works is the owner dealing with it.

billy1966 · 26/12/2021 23:01

OP,

The cat and dog thing are so unpleasant but telling your daughter she is selfish is so out of order.

I can't imagine how entitled she must feel and how little respect she has for your family to speak to your daughter like that.

I would not be forcing your child to be in her company again.

She is wrong.
If your daughter doesn't wish to wear the sweater, it is none of her grandmother's business.

Buildingthefuture · 26/12/2021 23:02

My dogs probably wouldn’t yelp or make any noise if they’d been hit. They would be confused and frightened because it’s not something I ever do to them, but as rescues, they have experienced it in the past. And if a guest in my home hit them? Said guest would be down the road, immediately. And I would lose my shit! And as for people not liking dogs, it’s my dogs home, they live there. If you don’t like dogs feel free not to come!

DownWhichOfLate · 26/12/2021 23:02

@OhWhyNot - yep, all getting in to a frenzy about how “wicked” the mil is.

Glad to know your husband is more rational. Calm down dear.

RoyalFamilyFan · 26/12/2021 23:02

@AnotherEmma it is easy to keep a close eye on a puppy at key times such as when someone arrives.

TooManyAnimals94 · 26/12/2021 23:03

I wouldn't like it, that's the point. Then again I wouldn't force myself into someone else's space which us what the dog is doing. By bringing a knee up you protect yourself and the dog meets with a hard, pointy bit of your body instead of a soft bit which discourages them from doing it again.
Normally a sharp 'down' works but only if the dog knows the command.

RoyalFamilyFan · 26/12/2021 23:04

I do wonder from people who expect a relative to do everything their way if the MIL is also unhappy at things you may have said to her?

MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 26/12/2021 23:04

My brother used to say his dog was 'just a puppy'.

He returned to live with our parents after a relationship failed and brought his 'puppy' with him.

This dog turned my mother legs black and blue. It bit my father several times. Many times I would ask them about their injuries and they were ashamed to admit it was the dog - but it was only ever being 'friendly'.

It jumped up at me, knocking a scalding drink over me. It scratched/laddered loads of my clothes when I visited my childhood home.

It still does 12 years on.

I have a right to visit my mother without being slammed into by an animal who is 'just being friendly'.

This animal is the reason that my grandchildren are petrified of dogs and the reason I now visit infrequently.

When I take my grandchildren to visit their great grandmother, all they hear is a lunatic dog howling in another room. They are absolutely terrified of the animal escaping from that room. I've asked my brother to take the dog out of the house when we visit but he refuses as the animal is 'only wanting to be friends'. I have no inclination to have any animal jumping up at my grandchildren or me.

And before you say this is the owner's fault - this dog has had a fortune spent on it on 'training'.

This animal has caused more damage than it is worth.

I don't think animals should be put above human relationships. It's certainly curbed my relationship with my mother. My brother is her full time carer. She is bedridden and very frail now and she still bears the fresh injuries inflicted by this animal. Many professional carers have refused to enter this house because of that dog.

Very sad.

Unicornocopia · 26/12/2021 23:04

[quote RoyalFamilyFan]@Unicornocopia it doesn't work with a dog that doesn't know you. It really doesn't.
The only thing that works is the owner dealing with it.[/quote]
Works just fine for me every time I've experienced it from random dogs jumping all over me.

I have a dog, I do canicross with my dog, that is an absolute magnet for other dogs barreling up to us and trying to play. We ignore, and carry on.

Works just fine for us.

Never smacked a dog, never 'needed' to and never would.

RoyalFamilyFan · 26/12/2021 23:07

@Unicornocopia okay maybe it works if you are very confident around dogs and radiate that confidence to them. It does not work for me.
Basically with dogs that do this at relatives houses, I get jumped up on until the relative physically pulls the dog away. If they were like OP and not controlling their dog, I wouldn't be happy.

No idea the context of the kitten. But I also hate cats sniffing around drinks or food I have on a table and I have pushed cats away before.

Original poster
LilyTheMink · 26/12/2021 23:08

@RoyalFamilyFan

I do wonder from people who expect a relative to do everything their way if the MIL is also unhappy at things you may have said to her?
She probably is unhappy with me. I'm unhappy with things she has said to me too, but actually thats not the point of my thread. I am an adult and have coping strategies for how to come to terms with another adult being shit to me. Others whom I have the care of are not.
OP posts:
echt · 26/12/2021 23:08

@MyOtherCarIsAPorsche

My brother used to say his dog was 'just a puppy'.

He returned to live with our parents after a relationship failed and brought his 'puppy' with him.

This dog turned my mother legs black and blue. It bit my father several times. Many times I would ask them about their injuries and they were ashamed to admit it was the dog - but it was only ever being 'friendly'.

It jumped up at me, knocking a scalding drink over me. It scratched/laddered loads of my clothes when I visited my childhood home.

It still does 12 years on.

I have a right to visit my mother without being slammed into by an animal who is 'just being friendly'.

This animal is the reason that my grandchildren are petrified of dogs and the reason I now visit infrequently.

When I take my grandchildren to visit their great grandmother, all they hear is a lunatic dog howling in another room. They are absolutely terrified of the animal escaping from that room. I've asked my brother to take the dog out of the house when we visit but he refuses as the animal is 'only wanting to be friends'. I have no inclination to have any animal jumping up at my grandchildren or me.

And before you say this is the owner's fault - this dog has had a fortune spent on it on 'training'.

This animal has caused more damage than it is worth.

I don't think animals should be put above human relationships. It's certainly curbed my relationship with my mother. My brother is her full time carer. She is bedridden and very frail now and she still bears the fresh injuries inflicted by this animal. Many professional carers have refused to enter this house because of that dog.

Very sad.

None of this has anything to do with the thread.
RoyalFamilyFan · 26/12/2021 23:10

@LilyTheMink I understand you dont like her and if it was up to you you might have nothing to do with her ever again. But she is your DPs mum and your DCs GM.

RoyalFamilyFan · 26/12/2021 23:11

I don't think the things you outline are anywhere near bad enough to expect your DCs and DP to cut contact with her.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 26/12/2021 23:12

@SoniaFouler

Why were you letting your dog jump up on people? I find that so rude and she could have found it frightening. Not to say she should hit him but surely a dog would help or cry out if had been hit? I think she probably just pushed him away, which I would have done if a dog jumped on me.
Yep. - I would have pushed a dog away that got all boisterous on me
Poppinjay · 26/12/2021 23:13

sounds to me like you're making excuses for a poorly trained dog who rushes to the door. some people don't like that behavior.

Even if this were the case, it would not excuse hitting the dog.

Original poster
LilyTheMink · 26/12/2021 23:14

[quote RoyalFamilyFan]@LilyTheMink I understand you dont like her and if it was up to you you might have nothing to do with her ever again. But she is your DPs mum and your DCs GM.[/quote]
Quite. Hence my decision upthread.

OP posts: