Mil hit the dog

[LilyTheMink]

We have a 1 year old medium sized dog. He isn't badly behaved and doesn't normally jump up. When MIL arrived for Xmas, he was a little excited - but honestly nothing hyperactive at all.
He jumped around when MIL was hugging my daughter and I told him to get down. I turned my back and he must have done it again as suddenly he was sneezing and shaking his head. This is what he does when he's knocked his nose on something eg. the coffee table.
The kids told me that MIL had hit him.
I wasn't sure what to do and spend the rest of the time keeping him out of her way - although to be honest he did that himself anyway.
She's been horrible to our pets before - once flicking our 3 month off kitten off the table like he was a breadcrumb.
DH has just grown a spine and spoken to her about another ussue - she told our 10 yo DD she was "selfish and didn't think about other people" because she didn't want to wear the Xmas jumper DH had bought her. (This was said in private, but DD luckily told me as she was upset by it).
Wibu to tell her she's not welcome to ever come back if she shows aggression to our pets again, or speaks badly to our kids?

@SoniaFouler

No I’m saying they may have said she hit the dog when in reality she tapped him or pushed him away. Why didn’t the dog make a noise if he had been hit? Why didn’t the children say “oh my god/don’t do that” or similar if the dog had just been hit?

Because the dog is one. Is still learning it's manners and was, as far as it is concerned, welcoming someone to the house.

Because dogs tend to hide pain really well.

Because the kids will probably have been brought up to be polite, to respect their elders and were floored by her actions.

Because lots of other possible reasons mainly to do with all concerned being other people reacting in their own way rather than extensions if you, doing what you would do!

A visitor coming into the dogs HOME is not an alpha. The owner is the alpha. The visitor is just that. A visitor. And it's in the dogs space.

The visitor is not in the dog’s ‘space’ unless MIL climbed into the dog’s bed or basket or crate or wherever dog has its ‘do not disturb’ peaceful area.

All dogs should be trained not to jump up at visitors. They sit quietly and wait for their turn.

Humans who are invited (including visiting children) take priority over the dog and the dog needs to know this. Otherwise you have a potentially dangerous situation unfolding, with dog either thinking it needs to defend its family against lower status intruders or the dog being a nuisance like refusing to move out of doorways or off sofas so visitors can move around/sit down. Or jumping on them for a good sniff each time the host’s back is turned.

It’s the owner’s responsibility to make sure the dog respects visitors.

i think all my posts say about my character and values is that im more of a talk about it and sort out minor misunderstandings or discipline techniques, especially when it comes to elderly or difficult people.
In my enormous family everyone is a PITA for something or another and people are generally close, friendly and forgiving.
If my partners mum was being accosted by our bouncy dog, and went to bat her away, Id tell her the best way to get her to stop, at the same time as removing the dog from the situation who was clearly getting overwhelmed and badly behaved. Shes a lot better now, but as a young dog she was a nightmare for this and I wouldnt have blamed anyone for smacking her away, even though it wouldnt have actually made her stop.

if it shows bad character to not ban my mother in law from the house for an imaginary scenario then that seems so bizarre to me that I think you must be exagerrating. In real life, banning a parent is a massive deal, something that happens after therapy or all other efforts are unsuccessful. So many people on mumsnet seem to be convinced they would just happily estrange themselves from family over pretty much any difference of opinion and omg, to be able to force your partner to estrange himself from his own mother. How exciting eh! the power must be intoxicating

@SoniaFouler

Your whole argument is based on assumptions and untrue facts. Dogs don't always yelp when they are in pain. A dog does not sneeze and shake its head for a few minutes because someone pushed its paws down. Nor does it actively avoid someone because they pushed it's paws down.

You're really making things up now to justify your disgusting and abhorrent attitude. Are you not embarrassed how far you are bending over to create a narrative (that doesn't exist) to make arguments based on that narrative? You are so DESPERATE to defend the MIL's actions you are now inventing completely different stories and narratives. Have some self respect!

The whole thread is based on a narrative because The. OP. Didn’t. See. Anything.

Not every human or animal makes a noise if someone hits them. Some are shocked into silence.

I can’t believe this is still ongoing, what a fuss about absolutely nothing.

@Prescottdanni123
Your whole argument is based on assumptions and untrue facts. Dogs don't always yelp when they are in pain. A dog does not sneeze and shake its head for a few minutes because someone pushed its paws down. Nor does it actively avoid someone because they pushed it's paws down.

Kids don’t just stand there like robots and say nothing if someone wallops a dog either. And HOW could she have hit the dog whilst HUGGING THE OP’s DAUGHTER? If she had the daughter in a hug, then HOW COULD THE DAUGHTER HAVE SEEN HER DO IT?

@SoniaFouler

You're really making things up now to justify your disgusting and abhorrent attitude. Are you not embarrassed how far you are bending over to create a narrative (that doesn't exist) to make arguments based on that narrative? You are so DESPERATE to defend the MIL's actions you are now inventing completely different stories and narratives. Have some self respect!

The whole thread is based on a narrative because The. OP. Didn’t. See. Anything.

@SoniaFouler The OP Saw. The. Dog. Shaking. It's. Head. For. Several. Minutes. The. OP. Saw. And. Knows. The. MIL. Has. A History. Of ABUSING. ANIMALS.

The kitten could have been hissing and trying to scratch her for all we know

And even if this fictitious scenario were true, how terrifying do you think it would have been? Have you ever seen a kitten?

The visitor is not in the dog’s ‘space’ unless MIL climbed into the dog’s bed or basket or crate or wherever dog has its ‘do not disturb’ peaceful area.

My entire home is my dogs space. When a visitor walks into my home they ARE in my dogs space. My dogs don't jump about now because they're older, but at 1yo they were still learning manners and went through a stage of jumping up at people. Luckily no one I know would think it acceptable to smack them on the nose of knee them in the chest anyway.

You honestly think the only part of a home that is a dogs space is it's bed??

@DrSbaitso

The kitten could have been hissing and trying to scratch her for all we know

And even if this fictitious scenario were true, how terrifying do you think it would have been? Have you ever seen a kitten?

She might have a phobia of kittens and cats for all we know. Lots of people do, it’s not exactly uncommon and unheard of.

Itisn'twhatyouthinkitis - You just don't get it do you. Look at the language you have used towards the OP, telling her what she should do and telling her what her and her husband are if they don't do as you say.

Do you honestly think she is going to listen to some random stranger on the internet?

@SoniaFouler

I can’t believe this is still ongoing, what a fuss about absolutely nothing.

@Prescottdanni123
Your whole argument is based on assumptions and untrue facts. Dogs don't always yelp when they are in pain. A dog does not sneeze and shake its head for a few minutes because someone pushed its paws down. Nor does it actively avoid someone because they pushed it's paws down.

Kids don’t just stand there like robots and say nothing if someone wallops a dog either. And HOW could she have hit the dog whilst HUGGING THE OP’s DAUGHTER? If she had the daughter in a hug, then HOW COULD THE DAUGHTER HAVE SEEN HER DO IT?

@SoniaFouler Kids don’t just stand there like robots and say nothing if someone wallops a dog either.

They DO if they are afraid of elders and are not believed, just as your attitude says, they are children so who would believe them? See you can't even keep your own narrative straight. First they are liars, now, 'oh well they should have said something!' Make up your mind.

And HOW could she have hit the dog whilst HUGGING THE OP’s DAUGHTER? If she had the daughter in a hug, then HOW COULD THE DAUGHTER HAVE SEEN HER DO IT?

The OP has more than one DC, if you read her posts.

@KurtWildesChristmasNamechange

So to summarise some of the posters responses:

They'd come in your home and decide whether your cat should be sat on your table.

They'd knee a dog in the chest for jumping up.

They'd call a child selfish for practicing body autonomy.

Thank god I don't know any of these people in real life.

Quite!

When I was married to my ex, my then SIL asked if we could shut the dog out in the garden when she came round, because she didn't like dogs.

It was my house and my dog, I'd had both before I met my ex, and she took great offence when I declined. As a compromise, I agreed to shut him in the kitchen behind a baby gate. Then he'd start to whine and, eventually, bark because he didn't like being separated from us, so they stopped coming after a while.

Which was a win/win, really.

@SoniaFouler

But the evidence - the kids saying that she hit it, the dog's behaviour and the fact that she has form for being unkind to animals provides extremely strong evidence that she did hit the dog.

@ItIsntWhatYouThinkItIs oooh a gotcha, youve got everyone figured out into neat little boxes havent you. Goodies in one box and baddies in the other.

She might have a phobia of kittens and cats for all we know. Lots of people do, it’s not exactly uncommon and unheard of.

Oh my God, you're reaching like Elastigirl now. Are you frigging serious?

But OK, let's roll with it now you've done it. Do you think someone with a spider phobia would just flick a tarantula off a table? And return to a house knowing a tarantula would be walking free around it?

[quote ItIsntWhatYouThinkItIs]**@SoniaFouler* She might have a phobia of kittens and cats for all we know. Lots of people do, it’s not exactly uncommon and unheard of.*

THAT. IS. NOT. AN. EXCUSE. FOR. ABUSING. AN. ANIMAL!

Your desperation is pathetic![/quote]
But she didn’t abuse it? She “so called” “flicked” it from a table. That doesn’t even make sense. It just doesn’t ring true to me.

@SoniaFouler Clearly it was a violent 'flick' for the OP to bring it up.

@DrSbaitso

She might have a phobia of kittens and cats for all we know. Lots of people do, it’s not exactly uncommon and unheard of.

Oh my God, you're reaching like Elastigirl now. Are you frigging serious?

But OK, let's roll with it now you've done it. Do you think someone with a spider phobia would just flick a tarantula off a table? And return to a house knowing a tarantula would be walking free around it?

I don’t know, I don’t even know if the OP has told the actual version of what happened during this event so it’s difficult to say what exactly happened really.

@SoniaFouler

Kittens are light as a feather. If I wanted to I could easily swipe one of a surface with a flicking motion of my wrist. Not that I would ever want to do that.