Mil hit the dog

[LilyTheMink]

We have a 1 year old medium sized dog. He isn't badly behaved and doesn't normally jump up. When MIL arrived for Xmas, he was a little excited - but honestly nothing hyperactive at all.
He jumped around when MIL was hugging my daughter and I told him to get down. I turned my back and he must have done it again as suddenly he was sneezing and shaking his head. This is what he does when he's knocked his nose on something eg. the coffee table.
The kids told me that MIL had hit him.
I wasn't sure what to do and spend the rest of the time keeping him out of her way - although to be honest he did that himself anyway.
She's been horrible to our pets before - once flicking our 3 month off kitten off the table like he was a breadcrumb.
DH has just grown a spine and spoken to her about another ussue - she told our 10 yo DD she was "selfish and didn't think about other people" because she didn't want to wear the Xmas jumper DH had bought her. (This was said in private, but DD luckily told me as she was upset by it).
Wibu to tell her she's not welcome to ever come back if she shows aggression to our pets again, or speaks badly to our kids?

@Mezmer seems you and I are the only ones with any common sense 🤷‍♀️

I still don’t believe she hit the dog. It just doesn’t make sense.

Note how the OP hasn’t taken on board the suggestion of “sit your kids down and ASK them what they SAW and to DESCRIBE it”.

I couldn't get het up about brushing a kitten off a table it shouldn't have been on.

So you go into someone else's home where a cat is allowed to sit on a table and you decide to push it off because you don't like it?

Now THAT is self important. It's not your home, or your rules, or your cat.

@SoniaFouler

I still don’t believe she hit the dog. It just doesn’t make sense.

Note how the OP hasn’t taken on board the suggestion of “sit your kids down and ASK them what they SAW and to DESCRIBE it”.

Why should she start interrogating her kids nuts because an internet ransomer tells her to? She believes them. Doesn't matter if you don't!

@KurtWildesChristmasNamechange

I couldn't get het up about brushing a kitten off a table it shouldn't have been on.

So you go into someone else's home where a cat is allowed to sit on a table and you decide to push it off because you don't like it?

Now THAT is self important. It's not your home, or your rules, or your cat.

If I went into someone’s home and a kitten was walking through my plate of dinner I just sit there and do nothing while kitten owner is looking the other way and not paying attention?

You shouldn’t have given your dog the opportunity to jump up at her, why didn’t you put him in another room while she arrived and greeted the children?

I’d be mortified if my dog jumped on a visitor. The first thing you train them is all paws on the floor. Isn’t it?

Maybe MIL was startled and gave him a rap on the nose? You didn’t see it so to the kids it might have looked like a smack or hard hit.

I’ve seen plenty of owners give their dogs a sharp tap on the nose when dog is acting out/not listening/eyeballing another dog. Maybe it’s a generational thing?

As for the kitten on the dining table, it’s pretty grim to let a kitten climb up on the table you eat off. I don’t know how she ‘flicked’ it off but I imagine she shooed it down?

As for your daughter, you weren’t present so only have one version of the story.

Why should she start interrogating her kids nuts because an internet ransomer tells her to? She believes them. Doesn't matter if you don't!

Well it kind of does matter because she asked if she’s BU and I said yes you are because you didn’t see anything and then she started arguing and said “well my children saw it”. It just doesn’t add up to me.

@FateHasRedesignedMost

You shouldn’t have given your dog the opportunity to jump up at her, why didn’t you put him in another room while she arrived and greeted the children?

I’d be mortified if my dog jumped on a visitor. The first thing you train them is all paws on the floor. Isn’t it?

Maybe MIL was startled and gave him a rap on the nose? You didn’t see it so to the kids it might have looked like a smack or hard hit.

I’ve seen plenty of owners give their dogs a sharp tap on the nose when dog is acting out/not listening/eyeballing another dog. Maybe it’s a generational thing?

As for the kitten on the dining table, it’s pretty grim to let a kitten climb up on the table you eat off. I don’t know how she ‘flicked’ it off but I imagine she shooed it down?

As for your daughter, you weren’t present so only have one version of the story.

Thank you, common sense.

Itisn'twhatyouthinkitis - "I rest my case"

Yes, and that's all it is, just your views.

@JurgensCakeBabyJesus

I couldn't get het up about brushing a kitten off a table it shouldn't have been on. Cats jump and fall from much higher heights than that and are absolutely fine (I have a very clumsy one). The dog without seeing it I'd be wary about a child's definition of 'hit' and I wouldn't be allowing my puppy to jump at people, personally I don't want people's dogs 'saying hello' which invariably includes jumping, hair, slobber and dog smell. However telling your young daughter she is selfish and doing it slyly away from anyone else trying to undermine her and not sleeping anyone else to stand up for her deliberately, would seriously concern me.

But whether it "shouldn't"have been there is a matter for the family. They may have been totally ok with the cat snoozing on the table, and the cat may have been used to it.

When I had cats, one of them often used to doze on the table. We just made sure to give it a good clean before eating at the table or using it to prep food. And later, when we no longer had cats, terrier no. 2 used the table as her personal vantage point when we were out. She could see out of the front window and keep an eye on the back door at the same time.

Anyone who'd tried to push her off the table would have been likely to lose a finger.

pushing a cat off a table and smacking a dogs nose that is repeatedly jumping up at you are not signs of animal abuse or reason to not allow your husbands actual own mother into his house. Is this some pissing contest to try and make your husband prove to you that he only cares about you and not his mum anymore?

Im honestly surprised at how noone seems able to tolerate anybody slightly difficult or anyone with less than perfect behaviour. Lets shun everyone that hasnt read the 2021 mumsnet etiquette for everything manual

@SoniaFouler at no point did OP say the kitten was walking across a dinner plate so that post is irrelevant. You're just adding your own things to the story now.

My cat isn't allowed on the dinner table but often sits on the coffee table. If a visitor tried to push it off they'd be asked wtf they thought they were doing to MY cat in MY home.

@SoniaFouler

Seriously? Many experienced dog owners have been on here trying to explain how not all dogs yelp when they have been hurt, and that shaking their head and sneezing for a few minutes is very strong evidence that a heavy smack had been dished out. Not to mention that the dog avoided her MIL for the rest of the day. If the woman had just pushed his paws down, the dog wouldn't have reacted like that.

You are still ignoring the incident with the kitten and what was said to OP's daughter?

@SoniaFouler

My mistake. You have mentioned the kitten. You said that it was walking across a dinner plate, which was at no point mentioned by the OP. You are just making things up now.

@SoniaFouler

Why should she start interrogating her kids nuts because an internet ransomer tells her to? She believes them. Doesn't matter if you don't!

Well it kind of does matter because she asked if she’s BU and I said yes you are because you didn’t see anything and then she started arguing and said “well my children saw it”. It just doesn’t add up to me.

No, it doesn't matter. She asked if she was BU, not should I interrogate my children? And she doesn't have to take anyone's advice, she was just looking for opinions. You do realise people don't have to do what's suggested on an Internet forum?

@SoniaFouler

I still don’t believe she hit the dog. It just doesn’t make sense.

Note how the OP hasn’t taken on board the suggestion of “sit your kids down and ASK them what they SAW and to DESCRIBE it”.

@SoniaFouler The OP has stated her MIL has a history of being abusive and violent towards animals. Animals don't shake their heads for a few minutes unless they were hit on the head. You've never had a dog, have you? It doesn't make sense that an animal would sneeze and shake it's head for minutes, unless it was hit.

And considering the MIL is violent to animals, it's the ONLY solution that makes sense.

You're looking for excuses and justifications where there are none.
OCCAM'S RAZOR. The most logical explanation is usually the ONLY explanation.

I also don't think much of people who insinuate a child is lying, to defend the adults. This is how abuse is not believed and covered up. Especially when the MIL admitted she called the DC selfish, AND has a history of being violent to animals. Children often have a straightforwardness and honesty untainted by adult motives, agendas and manipulations. If a child tell you they, or an animal was abused, BELIEVE THEM.

Occam's Razor.

@Prescottdanni123
You are still ignoring the incident with the kitten and what was said to OP's daughter?

I have mentioned the kitten incident about ten times now. I’m not sure how you’ve missed it each time??
As for OP’s daughter, well, if she’s not telling the whole truth about the dog being “hit” then it’s not a stretch to believe that the comment about the jumper wasn’t quite how she relayed it either…

So to summarise some of the posters responses:

They'd come in your home and decide whether your cat should be sat on your table.

They'd knee a dog in the chest for jumping up.

They'd call a child selfish for practicing body autonomy.

Thank god I don't know any of these people in real life.

@SoniaFouler

I did actually address my mistake in my next post, immediately underneath. My apologies, you did mention the kitten. You claimed that it was walking across a dinner plate. However, that was never mentioned by the OP. You are just making things up.

Well a table is where they eat so if they are all sitting down at the table then it’s very likely plates and cutlery were already set out, and possibly food. The kitten could have been hissing and trying to scratch her for all we know, and for all OP knows, she probably wasn’t looking during that incident either. I just think it’s very easy to be caught up in all of this “mil FLICKED my cat off the table” = that doesn’t even make sense, how can you flick a cat from a table? We all know what a flick is. And then when the inevitable “well, I didn’t actually mean flick ” comes it’s like oh, right, well what else did you say that you didn’t actually mean then?