Mil hit the dog

[LilyTheMink]

We have a 1 year old medium sized dog. He isn't badly behaved and doesn't normally jump up. When MIL arrived for Xmas, he was a little excited - but honestly nothing hyperactive at all.
He jumped around when MIL was hugging my daughter and I told him to get down. I turned my back and he must have done it again as suddenly he was sneezing and shaking his head. This is what he does when he's knocked his nose on something eg. the coffee table.
The kids told me that MIL had hit him.
I wasn't sure what to do and spend the rest of the time keeping him out of her way - although to be honest he did that himself anyway.
She's been horrible to our pets before - once flicking our 3 month off kitten off the table like he was a breadcrumb.
DH has just grown a spine and spoken to her about another ussue - she told our 10 yo DD she was "selfish and didn't think about other people" because she didn't want to wear the Xmas jumper DH had bought her. (This was said in private, but DD luckily told me as she was upset by it).
Wibu to tell her she's not welcome to ever come back if she shows aggression to our pets again, or speaks badly to our kids?

I wouldn't have let it get to stage 3! Tell her to eff off!

In response to her ill behaviour, you should have smacked her on the nose, pushed her off her chair and told her that she's a selfish cow, who will now need to do a ten hour round trip!

She brings misery to your innocent pets and kids, don't feel bad for not wanting to entertain such cruelty.

Itisn'twhatyouthinkitis - Read your post again and look at the language you've used.

After the kitten incident she wouldn't have been there again

well I dont really count tapping or even smacking the nose of a boisterous dog who is leaping all over me as "animal cruelty"
I dont think its a shining example of good animal treatment, but if I hadnt stopped my dog from jumnping on someone, then id see that as my own fault. Its not as if she kicked out at it while it was quietly walking past. Im absolutely in no way in favour of cruelty to animals and children. What an absolutely ridiculous comment. Im not in favour of wrecking an important family relationship just because someone taps the nose of a dog leaping at them. Plenty of people in the past would have seen that as normal way to get the dog to go away. Not ideal but lets have a bit of perspective here.
I also dont think she should have called the kid selfish, but again, reason to raise eyebrow but not reason to kick the woman out. Shes family and I think most of this stuff is negative but not catastrophic.

Kitten incident v bad. DD incident pretty crap. Agree this particular MIL sounds quite unpleasant to be around.

However what should someone do who is not particularly a dog lover, when the hosts dog jumps up and won't be quietened? And the host leaves dog and you alone? Asking seriously here. A firm "get down"? What? I can imagine a situation where I'd push a dog away from me and firmly say get down, and then stand back to dog arms folded radiating authority. But if DC reported only the push, would I be shown the door? What was the MIL meant to do?

A person can be judged by how they treat children. OP has said her MIL is abusive towards animals in the past. And, she slapped a kitten off a table. There is a pattern of behaviour here, it's not like it's a once off. She is violent and nasty to animals. That, I proudly and unashamedly say, is not a good person imo to have around children. I wouldn't want her anywhere near my children, and I proudly say so and make no apologies. Anyone who hurts animals is not someone I want having a relationship with my children. Grandparent or not. It's my line in the sand and I'm not ashamed - in deed I proudly say so - to say it. My children would no longer have a grandmother after that. Of course as adults they can make up their own mind, but I wouldn't want her around my children or having contact with them. Zero tolerance for abuse of the vulnerable whether it be children or animals. You either tolerate it or you don't. We all make our own decisions, and I say zero tolerance.

@Mezmer I quite agree. Some very dramatic and extreme responses on here. The woman is 'vile', is a 'monster' etc. Really?
Some of you must lead very isolated lives if you cut people out so readily.
Shakes head and returns to the real world.

I am a vile monster. Yes. You got me.

A person can be judged by how they treat children *and animals.

First sentence should read.

That being said, he likely won't bother her a second time. If you'd disciplined him, she wouldn't have to. And I agree with another poster - an unknown dog jumping up or around me gets a knee put up against it's chest, so it can't scratch me or hurt me. I'm absolutely allowed personal space, and if the owners don't like it, they should train their dogs better. I'm not entering into a wrestling match pushing dogs off me. A) I shouldn't have to, B) It easily encourages it further by 'making it a game'. Turning your back and ignoring a dog doing this is all well and good, until the dog physically hurts you

Guests absolutely have the right to expect personal space away from animals over-excitedly jumping up or around them when they walk into someones homes. It's basic manners. The dog doesn't know this - but will if you teach it. It doesn't take even the most stubborn dogs that long to learn

I agree. Its poor hosting to leave an untrained dog which you know gets overexcited to jump up or generally pester a guest. Train your animals properly (1 year is not to young to train a dog) or shut it out/in another room when you have guests.

I'm another who is sceptical about the unthinking acceptance of every word from a child being the objective and unvarnished facts. I'd be interested in hearing the MiL's account of the stories drip fed to boost the usual evil MiL trope.

I doubt the dog cared after it finished its sneezing. Maybe it’ll learn that she’s alpha next time and do as it’s told, like it would have to learn to do if was in its canine pack.

A visitor coming into the dogs HOME is not an alpha. The owner is the alpha. The visitor is just that. A visitor. And it's in the dogs space. Don't hit dogs. Period.

Maybe the DC is selfish and could have just put the jumper on.

God forbid a 10 year old have body autonomy and choose not to wear something they didn't want to. Are you for real? Glad I'm not your kid.

The kitten probably landed the right way up, like they tend to do when they fall off fences and out of trees.

Fall being the operative word, not pushed by someone.

Itisn'twhatyouthinkitis - Oh dear now you're trying to do the same with me.

@C8H10N4O2

That being said, he likely won't bother her a second time. If you'd disciplined him, she wouldn't have to. And I agree with another poster - an unknown dog jumping up or around me gets a knee put up against it's chest, so it can't scratch me or hurt me. I'm absolutely allowed personal space, and if the owners don't like it, they should train their dogs better. I'm not entering into a wrestling match pushing dogs off me. A) I shouldn't have to, B) It easily encourages it further by 'making it a game'. Turning your back and ignoring a dog doing this is all well and good, until the dog physically hurts you

Guests absolutely have the right to expect personal space away from animals over-excitedly jumping up or around them when they walk into someones homes. It's basic manners. The dog doesn't know this - but will if you teach it. It doesn't take even the most stubborn dogs that long to learn

I agree. Its poor hosting to leave an untrained dog which you know gets overexcited to jump up or generally pester a guest. Train your animals properly (1 year is not to young to train a dog) or shut it out/in another room when you have guests.

I'm another who is sceptical about the unthinking acceptance of every word from a child being the objective and unvarnished facts. I'd be interested in hearing the MiL's account of the stories drip fed to boost the usual evil MiL trope.

I think OP knows her MIL. The dog was shaking it's head and sneezing, thus she knew what her DC told her about MIL hitting the dog was right.

The MIL also admitted she called the DC selfish, so again, the DC were proven to have told the truth.

But lets call children liars and disbelieve them, just to bend over backwards to be nice to MILs.... Because according to some on this site, MILs can do no wrong....

@RoyalFamilyFan

So people are supposed to just put up with dogs jumping all over them?

It's ridiculous.

And all this, "poor dogs are defenceless"

No they're not, they bite.
It scares a lot of people. Dog owners do themselves no favours by being blind to the pets' irritation factor. Just like parents of highly irritating children. No they're not cute, control them.

I think OP knows her MIL. The dog was shaking it's head and sneezing, thus she knew what her DC told her about MIL hitting the dog was right

As the poster I quoted said - that doesn't not automatically mean the DC were correct.

Really - your DC never exaggerate, never overstate anything?

I know the MiL trope runs strong on here but honestly the wild enthusiasm to accept MiL must be evil rather than point out the OP she should train her pets is bonkers.

Just imagine if it had been anyone other than the MiL - any random MNer saying "I was invited to a relative's house but they will not train or restrain their dog properly and it jumps up /slobbers over me/DC all the time"

You would have a very different set of answers. If that host was the MiL not keeping a dog under control it would be "go NC now!". (I've seen that exact thread many times).

Its really simple - you keep animals, its your responsibility to manage and control them.

DC will know that the OP doesn't like her MiL, most kids of this age will present a story in the way which reflects best on them. That is human nature. If it was one DC saying this about another DC would you still automatically take the part of the DC making the claim or would you get the other child's account first?

@Macaroni46 and apparently I am as bad and if not worse than her for even thinking there are important details missing about the story or another side.

You’d think that people would be over all this adversarial stuff on social media after all the publicity there has been and that people would grasp the irony and hypocrisy of calling someone a ‘violent bitch’ or an ‘evil monster’ over a post about aggressive and abusive behaviour.

I guess there is still some way to go.

@sweetbellyhigh

They are defenceless compared to us.

I couldn't get het up about brushing a kitten off a table it shouldn't have been on. Cats jump and fall from much higher heights than that and are absolutely fine (I have a very clumsy one). The dog without seeing it I'd be wary about a child's definition of 'hit' and I wouldn't be allowing my puppy to jump at people, personally I don't want people's dogs 'saying hello' which invariably includes jumping, hair, slobber and dog smell. However telling your young daughter she is selfish and doing it slyly away from anyone else trying to undermine her and not sleeping anyone else to stand up for her deliberately, would seriously concern me.

@awesomekilick

There is a big difference between gently pushing a dog's paws down and giving it a hard smack.

@awesomekilick

Kitten incident v bad. DD incident pretty crap. Agree this particular MIL sounds quite unpleasant to be around.

However what should someone do who is not particularly a dog lover, when the hosts dog jumps up and won't be quietened? And the host leaves dog and you alone? Asking seriously here. A firm "get down"? What? I can imagine a situation where I'd push a dog away from me and firmly say get down, and then stand back to dog arms folded radiating authority. But if DC reported only the push, would I be shown the door? What was the MIL meant to do?

I would tell it to "sit", as the "down" command can mean different things according to who's trained the dog, and some people use "off" or "back" for a dog that's jumping up.

And I would make a big fuss of it as soon as it's sat, to reward and reinforce that behaviour.

@ItIsntWhatYouThinkItIs I live in the real world where I don't dramatise or make knee jerk decisions. But hey, thanks for the insult 😂
I've lived with abuse. Proper abuse. And I've learnt that life is not black n white. Nor are people.
Yes it wasn't great that the MIL (allegedly) hit the dog. But it also wasn't great that it was jumping up at her after a 5 hour journey.
Kitten on the table. I think that's disgusting.
Telling child it's selfish for not wearing a jumper. I see nothing wrong with that. It is selfish.
Making a decision to cut the DC's grandmother out of their lives - drastic with far reaching consequences, OTT and ridiculous.
Seems there's a lot of overly precious and self-important people on here who will soon find they are very lonely the rate they cut people out of their lives.