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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mil hit the dog

568 replies

LilyTheMink · 26/12/2021 20:58

We have a 1 year old medium sized dog. He isn't badly behaved and doesn't normally jump up. When MIL arrived for Xmas, he was a little excited - but honestly nothing hyperactive at all.
He jumped around when MIL was hugging my daughter and I told him to get down. I turned my back and he must have done it again as suddenly he was sneezing and shaking his head. This is what he does when he's knocked his nose on something eg. the coffee table.
The kids told me that MIL had hit him.
I wasn't sure what to do and spend the rest of the time keeping him out of her way - although to be honest he did that himself anyway.
She's been horrible to our pets before - once flicking our 3 month off kitten off the table like he was a breadcrumb.
DH has just grown a spine and spoken to her about another ussue - she told our 10 yo DD she was "selfish and didn't think about other people" because she didn't want to wear the Xmas jumper DH had bought her. (This was said in private, but DD luckily told me as she was upset by it).
Wibu to tell her she's not welcome to ever come back if she shows aggression to our pets again, or speaks badly to our kids?

OP posts:
Prescottdanni123 · 27/12/2021 07:35

[quote EbonanzaScrooge]@Prescottdanni123 some smaller breeds are considered adult dogs around 9/10 months. It’s simple obedience for a dog to understand the down command even at a year. The dog has obviously been excited and not listened to the command suggesting that it’s either not been trained properly yet or testing it’s obedience boundaries.

It’s not like the dog is 3/4 months old and still in full puppy mode. Depending on the breed this could be a really sizeable dog and that can be quite scary for people who don’t like dogs. It’s not ok to let your dog jump on people that don’t like animals[/quote]
According to dog experts, dogs in general, including chihuahuas are still puppies until around 18 months.

Some breeds definitely take more time to train than others, and even then, they can forget. They are only young. Sometimes the way you can interact with them can encourage them to jump up when they are young.

Anyway, it is not jumping up that is the issue here. It is the fact that OP's Mil smacked dog in response, which is not OK. Its not even going to teach the dog not to jump up.

LakieLady · 27/12/2021 07:50

Depending on the breed this could be a really sizeable dog and that can be quite scary for people who don’t like dogs

People who are scared of dogs aren't obliged to visit people who have dogs.

I'm bird phobic. I don't visit people who have uncaged birds.

Deisogn · 27/12/2021 08:04

Meh. We have a 1 year old dog and when people come I keep her on a short lead until she settles or she very occasionally still jumps. If she did jump on someone, especially someone dressed up for Christmas I wouldn't begrudge them swatting her away. People have a right not to be jumped all over. It's my responsibility to keep the dog under control. Surely if he jumps you tell him off and pull him down? The dog will hardly be traumatised but being swatted away. If she'd hit him hard you'd know about it.

Shebangshebong · 27/12/2021 08:07

I mean she drove 5 hours to get to us so I couldn't throw her out. But I have to make sure it doesn't happen again really

Hmm Yes you absolutely could. Why are you being so soft?

TyrannosaurusRegina · 27/12/2021 08:22

I'll be honest, if someone's dog was jumping up at me and knocking into me, I'd give it a quick smack/push away. Especially if the owner was making no attempt to keep it away.

TheRealHousewife · 27/12/2021 08:34

@SoniaFouler unbeknown to us we returned from a walk with our dog who had slashed its chest open vertically about 4 or 5 inches. When we returned from walk she went and sat up on her bed with her chest puffed out (on reflection, she was trying to get our attention) I saw something glistening in her fur so went to wipe her thinking something was on it. She had a gaping wound down her front. Because she has black fur we didn’t see it before. Hasten to add we took her to out of hours vet to have it stitched. She’d obviously cut in on something when running through the long grass. The point is it was an horrific wound and she did not whimper or cry. Not once.

littlebilliie · 27/12/2021 08:35

@TyrannosaurusRegina

I'll be honest, if someone's dog was jumping up at me and knocking into me, I'd give it a quick smack/push away. Especially if the owner was making no attempt to keep it away.
Biscuit
ItIsntWhatYouThinkItIs · 27/12/2021 08:40

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ItIsntWhatYouThinkItIs · 27/12/2021 08:46

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Branleuse · 27/12/2021 08:47

@ItIsntWhatYouThinkItIs

So even after all the replies you are still going to let that violent bitch into your home? Wtf is wrong with you and wtf did you bother posting then, if nothing will change and you will reward her for her behaviour by still inviting her? You are weaker than wet lettuce, you won't stand up for defenceless animals nor your children. And your husband sounds like scum if he thinks it's ok for his mother to hit innocent defenceless animals. Children learn from us and your DC are learning that abusing them and even hurting animals means the bad person will still be invited around. Do you honestly think it's ok that your DC are forced to have a relationship with such a monster of a person? Why won't you safeguard? I would go NC and ban her from the house effective immediately. Anything less is bad role modelling from you to your children and bad safeguarding. I would protect your DC from ever having to have anything to do with her again, and if your 'D'H wants to have a relationship with his mother (I would lose all love and respect for him if he still wanted to be in contact with her) then let him visit her at her house. But ban her from ever darkening your door again. Anything less than that shows you are fine with animal cruelty and don't care the hurt, upset and harm she is causing to your daughter. Wake up and put your big woman pants on and be a safeguarding parent and ban her from your house again.
Is this for real??
Mezmer · 27/12/2021 08:52

Honestly. How do some of you get through life when everything is so black and white is beyond me. No communication, no negotiation, no reflection. ‘I’ll cut you out of my life and my family’s life if you cross me.’

A lot of you on this thread are as bad as the MIL is by the sounds of it. People do shit things all the time. This woman sounds as if she’s a bit draconian in the way she pulls rank over kids and animals that get in her way. Not an abuser by any means.

Chucking her out of the house is not OPs call because she is not the blood relative like DP and her DCs. Don’t they get a say?

I doubt the dog cared after it finished its sneezing. Maybe it’ll learn that she’s alpha next time and do as it’s told, like it would have to learn to do if was in its canine pack.

Maybe the DC is selfish and could have just put the jumper on.

The kitten probably landed the right way up, like they tend to do when they fall off fences and out of trees.

Get some perspective everyone. There are many people overreacting here.

theitgirll · 27/12/2021 08:57

I would throw her out and never speak to her again. Cruelty to animals, children and the elderly is an absolute red line for me. I don't care who she is, she'd never see me again.

Mamamia7962 · 27/12/2021 09:02

Itisn'twhatyouthinkitis - You sound a really angry and controlling person.

Theluggage15 · 27/12/2021 09:03

Some of the stuff on here is so old fashioned. Learning someone is alpha!! That went out with the ark. It doesn’t even apply to wolves. Science has evolved from the silly Barbara Woodhouse days.

DrSbaitso · 27/12/2021 09:05

I’ll cut you out of my life and my family’s life if you cross me.’

I won't welcome you in my home if you hurt and frighten my animals and make my kids cry.

ItIsntWhatYouThinkItIs · 27/12/2021 09:11

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ItIsntWhatYouThinkItIs · 27/12/2021 09:12

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ItIsntWhatYouThinkItIs · 27/12/2021 09:14

@theitgirll

I would throw her out and never speak to her again. Cruelty to animals, children and the elderly is an absolute red line for me. I don't care who she is, she'd never see me again.
Exactly. A person is judged by how they react to a child being abused and an animal being abused, especially. Anyone who enables it or dismisses it is the lowest of the low.
ItIsntWhatYouThinkItIs · 27/12/2021 09:15

@DrSbaitso

I’ll cut you out of my life and my family’s life if you cross me.’

I won't welcome you in my home if you hurt and frighten my animals and make my kids cry.

ITA
godmum56 · 27/12/2021 09:15

@NeverDropYourMooncup

I mean she drove 5 hours to get to us so I couldn't throw her out.

Why not?

She'd be counting herself lucky if I got around to opening the door first.

this. Abusers are not welcome in my house and they shouldn't be welcome in your house (or anybodys')
ItIsntWhatYouThinkItIs · 27/12/2021 09:16

I make no excuses for not tolerating cruelty and physical abuse of a innocent defenceless animal. None whatsoever.

godmum56 · 27/12/2021 09:17

@Mezmer

Honestly. How do some of you get through life when everything is so black and white is beyond me. No communication, no negotiation, no reflection. ‘I’ll cut you out of my life and my family’s life if you cross me.’

A lot of you on this thread are as bad as the MIL is by the sounds of it. People do shit things all the time. This woman sounds as if she’s a bit draconian in the way she pulls rank over kids and animals that get in her way. Not an abuser by any means.

Chucking her out of the house is not OPs call because she is not the blood relative like DP and her DCs. Don’t they get a say?

I doubt the dog cared after it finished its sneezing. Maybe it’ll learn that she’s alpha next time and do as it’s told, like it would have to learn to do if was in its canine pack.

Maybe the DC is selfish and could have just put the jumper on.

The kitten probably landed the right way up, like they tend to do when they fall off fences and out of trees.

Get some perspective everyone. There are many people overreacting here.

"people do shit things all the time"

Not in my house they don't.

If you condone abuse you are a part of it.

Prescottdanni123 · 27/12/2021 09:18

@Mezmer

No the dog is not going to see some random woman who he rarely sees as Alpha. He is going to see her as someone who came into his home, his safe haven and hurt him.

Only owners can be a dog's alpha because they are the people that care for the dog and the people he sees the most of. To speak in nature terms, they are his 'pack'. And there are many, many ways to be the alpha that don't involve hitting it.

godmum56 · 27/12/2021 09:20

@Deisogn

Meh. We have a 1 year old dog and when people come I keep her on a short lead until she settles or she very occasionally still jumps. If she did jump on someone, especially someone dressed up for Christmas I wouldn't begrudge them swatting her away. People have a right not to be jumped all over. It's my responsibility to keep the dog under control. Surely if he jumps you tell him off and pull him down? The dog will hardly be traumatised but being swatted away. If she'd hit him hard you'd know about it.
what about the kitten and the child?
BlueBlossomCotton · 27/12/2021 09:20

If it was me she would never step foot in the house again. I wouldn't even wait for DH to say anything I'd tell her myself her behaviour is absolutely unacceptable and if she touched the children or pets ever again she would be out the door.
Do not let her get away with this without saying something to her.