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AIBU?

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Original poster

Mil hit the dog

568 replies

LilyTheMink · 26/12/2021 20:58

We have a 1 year old medium sized dog. He isn't badly behaved and doesn't normally jump up. When MIL arrived for Xmas, he was a little excited - but honestly nothing hyperactive at all.
He jumped around when MIL was hugging my daughter and I told him to get down. I turned my back and he must have done it again as suddenly he was sneezing and shaking his head. This is what he does when he's knocked his nose on something eg. the coffee table.
The kids told me that MIL had hit him.
I wasn't sure what to do and spend the rest of the time keeping him out of her way - although to be honest he did that himself anyway.
She's been horrible to our pets before - once flicking our 3 month off kitten off the table like he was a breadcrumb.
DH has just grown a spine and spoken to her about another ussue - she told our 10 yo DD she was "selfish and didn't think about other people" because she didn't want to wear the Xmas jumper DH had bought her. (This was said in private, but DD luckily told me as she was upset by it).
Wibu to tell her she's not welcome to ever come back if she shows aggression to our pets again, or speaks badly to our kids?

OP posts:
Prescottdanni123 · 26/12/2021 23:53

@EbonanzaScrooge

Puppies are excitable. Sometimes they forget or they don't listen. They aren't little angels from 3 months old. Or at least the vast majority of them aren't. Sometimes breed can play a part in how long it takes to train them too. But ultimately it takes time and patience.

Sometimeswinning · 26/12/2021 23:54

Would definitely push a dog off if it jumped on me! Not a fan of them. Wouldn't bop the dog though. The owners, maybe!

Blossomtoes · 26/12/2021 23:58

[quote MyOtherCarIsAPorsche]@Blossomtoes

Are you suggesting I can't visit my 90 year old mother in my childhood home?

That's a bit heartless. [/quote]
I’m suggesting that people who can’t deal with dogs should avoid visiting the houses they live in. Your scenario is entirely up to you.

MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 26/12/2021 23:59

@Sunflowers095

I will get on with anyone who demonstrates friendliness.

I do get on with my daughter's in-laws. I also get on with my son's in-laws. (I'll admit it would be different if they allowed their dogs to jump up at me. I would regard that as not being friendly towards me.). It's not friendly to allow your dog to jump up at anyone. Certainly not a second time - like in the OP.

Sunflowers095 · 27/12/2021 00:00

[quote MyOtherCarIsAPorsche]@Sunflowers095

Hahaha.

Uncultured?

If someone 'bopped me on the nose' there would be serious consequences. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Some people don't know the difference between good/bad manners.

I'm not violent in any way.

It seems you are![/quote]
It's actually not good manners to discipline someone else's pet. Leave if you don't like it :)

Rosebel · 27/12/2021 00:00

My dad once tried to push our cat out off the arm of the chair and then hit him (only with a newspaper so not hard). I won't tell you what I said but he didn't do it again.
Fair enough my dad isn't keen on cats but he knows they live here and if he has such a problem he doesn't have to come and visit me.

Prescottdanni123 · 27/12/2021 00:00

@EbonanzaScrooge

Just to add, if I were going to a friend/relatives who had a puppy, I would expect to get jumped on. I don't mind this as I love dogs and own one myself. But if I didn't like dogs, I either wouldn't visit houses where they would be or if I was a relative or close friend, I would ask them to take measures to stop the dog jumping up until the initial excitement had worn off.

Branleuse · 27/12/2021 00:01

since you didnt even see her hit him but you acknowledge your adult dog was jumping up, then i think theres a fair chance she was actually purposefully trying to stop your adult dog jumping up at her while she was trying to greet her grandchildren after a really long journey.
I wouldnt like it but id give the woman another chance. Not everyone is going to love your dog and you should have probably put him somewhere to calm down if he cant greet strangers without bouncing. Shes made a huge effort to come visit you and her son and her grandchildren, and it sounds like you telling your dog to get down was pretty ineffective

MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 27/12/2021 00:01

@Blossomtoes

Why should I have to deal with untrained dogs?

It's illegal not to have your dog under control isn't it?

A dog jumping up at someone is clearly not under control.

Sunflowers095 · 27/12/2021 00:02

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Teacups27 · 27/12/2021 00:03

Who cares if you like dogs jumping. It’s the dogs home - not yours. When you are in someone else’s home, their rules or a hotel.

Blossomtoes · 27/12/2021 00:03

[quote MyOtherCarIsAPorsche]@Blossomtoes

Why should I have to deal with untrained dogs?

It's illegal not to have your dog under control isn't it?

A dog jumping up at someone is clearly not under control. [/quote]
I think you’ll find it’s only illegal in public places. Dogs can do whatever their owner is comfortable with in their own home. If anyone objects to my dog, they’re not welcome in her home. It’s not hard.

olivehater · 27/12/2021 00:03

It’s your husband mother so of course you should’nt stop her coming other what sounds like a small incident to me. She is family at the end of the day. You need to suck this one up. Not everyone wants other peoples dogs jumping all over them. That might be the way she has been taught to deal with dogs. Maybe educate her on dealing with it or keep the dog away.

Porcupineintherough · 27/12/2021 00:04

@Sunflowers095 what is wrong with you, you sound deranged.

SoniaFouler · 27/12/2021 00:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn as it quotes a deleted post.

Sunflowers095 · 27/12/2021 00:04

[quote Porcupineintherough]@Sunflowers095 what is wrong with you, you sound deranged.[/quote]
Nope just think there's a special place in hell for animal abusers & people who defend them! Nothing wrong with that

Teacups27 · 27/12/2021 00:05

Whoops accidental shout, new to mumsnet Blush

MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 27/12/2021 00:05

@Sunflowers095

My DIL lives in my house.

I hardly think that she'd be here if she couldn't tolerate me. 🤔

Why would you say that?

FuckeryIsAfoot · 27/12/2021 00:05

@TooManyAnimals94

I wouldn't like it, that's the point. Then again I wouldn't force myself into someone else's space which us what the dog is doing. By bringing a knee up you protect yourself and the dog meets with a hard, pointy bit of your body instead of a soft bit which discourages them from doing it again. Normally a sharp 'down' works but only if the dog knows the command.
Why are you comparing yourself to a dog? Equal intellect, mayhaps?
MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 27/12/2021 00:06

[quote Porcupineintherough]@Sunflowers095 what is wrong with you, you sound deranged.[/quote]
Here here!

Sunflowers095 · 27/12/2021 00:08

[quote MyOtherCarIsAPorsche]@Blossomtoes

Why should I have to deal with untrained dogs?

It's illegal not to have your dog under control isn't it?

A dog jumping up at someone is clearly not under control. [/quote]
The same reason people deal with children who aren't behaving yet don't go around spanking them? No?

If your child misbehaves should others be allowed to physically disciple them? Surely you can grasp this easy concept of right and wrong. Or do you just not value animals lives?

FabriqueBelgique · 27/12/2021 00:08

All this pussyfooting around trying not to be rude - she HIT YOUR DOG ffs. This is why people keep doing shitty things.

If she actually got a consequence- being shouted at and asked to leave - she might be shamed out of such horrible behaviour. Boo boo, having to drive 5 hours.

SantaClawsServiette · 27/12/2021 00:11

I'm not convinced it's appropriate to see hitting a dog as the same thing or even all that similar to hitting a child.

If we are talking about beating a dog, sure. But the way dogs communicate with each other and mother dogs communicate with puppies is often much more directly physical. It's quite possible to give a dog a small but well placed swat that will not really hurt it at all, but if it is done quickly at exactly the right time will communicate what is wanted (no jumping up) much more effectively than an owner giving confusing instructions.

Dogs aren't people and don't think like people.

EbonanzaScrooge · 27/12/2021 00:11

@Prescottdanni123 the dog may not actually be a puppy as you suggest depending on the breed. I too have a rather excitable dog but it is put away for certain guests who don’t appreciate being jumped on or who have a fear of dogs.

Just because it doesn’t bother you it’s still not ok to allow your dog to jump on people who don’t want the attention. It’s obvious OP’s MIL does not like animals so why OP allowed her dog to be near her is beyond me.

If someone had done to my cat what they had done to hers I would not let any of my animals near them again. Yes it’s not fair for the animal to be locked away in its own home but to ensure it’s safety and well-being I would keep them away from such a person.

Unicornocopia · 27/12/2021 00:16

@SantaClawsServiette

I'm not convinced it's appropriate to see hitting a dog as the same thing or even all that similar to hitting a child.

If we are talking about beating a dog, sure. But the way dogs communicate with each other and mother dogs communicate with puppies is often much more directly physical. It's quite possible to give a dog a small but well placed swat that will not really hurt it at all, but if it is done quickly at exactly the right time will communicate what is wanted (no jumping up) much more effectively than an owner giving confusing instructions.

Dogs aren't people and don't think like people.

Thanks for popping by Ceasar Millan.