Page 7 | Unappreciated. Gone to bed in tears.

Brainwave89 · 26/12/2021 19:47

[quote Janus]@Brainwave89 I think the dynamics that have been established is that this is the OP’s own mum and dads house, to whom she pays rent. The guests were actually OP’s sister and her sister’s boyfriend who turned up without even a present for her or her 3 year old child (sister’s nephew) although OP bought everyone a present. So I imagine that was upsetting insofar as Christmas is really about children and they should have bought some small gift for her child.
I think then the being told to keep her child quiet was probably the last straw.
We can all lose the plot sometimes and I think this is more about her feeling left out.[/quote]
Could be wrong, but I believe this is the poster who rents a room from a Grandmother. I have not seen any confirmation this is mum and dad’s house. Agree we can all lose the plot, and it is unkind not to buy the DC presents, but given the drip feed from the original post, I would like to hear the other side as to why they have not purchased presents.

Hont1986 · 26/12/2021 20:58

No, the OP under her new name posted:

"I do not rent a room as a favour. I pay them the going rate and 50% of all bills. I don't live here (with my parent) for free."

Janus · 26/12/2021 21:11

Also …

The post about living with someone's grandmother has zero to do with me.

The poster had a name change fail so you do need to follow the thread to see all this info.

Janus · 26/12/2021 21:14

Sorry that sounded patronising, what I mean is there’s more info in the thread about OP. It’s her parents house, she pays rent, the relatives were actually her sister and her sister’s boyfriend.
I think the OP is just struggling with not being much appreciated, being a lone parent and yesterday was a rubbish day for her. Sometimes we all just need a hug!

DrBlackbird · 26/12/2021 21:28

These kind of posts enrage bemuse and sadden me. You're not doing the OP a favour by not telling her to not blame herself when she’s a young single mother of a 3yr old, with siblings that don’t bother buying their nephew a present and she feels shit and crying because she can’t afford a place of her own.

There, fixed it. Jesus just what the hell is matter with those of you criticising and judging on the basis of assumptions. Yes, she asked for advice, which is different in my book from gestapo judgemental police. What about a little empathy, is that really such a struggle on Christmas? Apparently so for some of you

Janus · 26/12/2021 21:36

I’m with you @DrBlackbird.

Autumndays123 · 26/12/2021 21:46

Nope. My post did not need fixing, thanks though. It's perfectly possible for OP to be a stressed single mother AND behave really poorly in a bratty and entitled way. Just because you're stressed it does not mean you have the right to ruin everyone else's day by refusing to control your child and then having your own tantrum and sulking off to bed.

Flowers500 · 26/12/2021 22:33

@DrBlackbird

These kind of posts enrage bemuse and sadden me. You're not doing the OP a favour by not telling her to not blame herself when she’s a young single mother of a 3yr old, with siblings that don’t bother buying their nephew a present and she feels shit and crying because she can’t afford a place of her own.

There, fixed it. Jesus just what the hell is matter with those of you criticising and judging on the basis of assumptions. Yes, she asked for advice, which is different in my book from gestapo judgemental police. What about a little empathy, is that really such a struggle on Christmas? Apparently so for some of you

I’m confused by this—surely you understand that you can have empathy for what is a shit situation, without also recognising that OP has been unreasonable in at least part of the situation? It’s shit that she’s a single mom who has to live at her parents’ house, that doesn’t mean that she can stop them watching tv in the evening in the siting room. Two things can be true at one time…

Emerald5hamrock · 26/12/2021 22:41

They're selfish thoughtless feckers.
New years resolution for you, pull back and look after yourself and your DC.
It is liberating.

EllaVaNight · 27/12/2021 00:50

Suggest that they babysit your DC once a month (or whatever would help). And ask why they didn't buy you a Christmas present. Try to keep it low key How is "suggesting" someone looks after your kid every month "low key"? And how would you ask someone why they didn't buy you a present (they aren't obligatory) "low key"? Maybe they couldn't afford to which could be embarrassing for them to discuss?

Off topic: What is the obsession on Mumsnet with conversations being "low key" or "gentle"? It's so weird!

RockallMalinHebrides · 27/12/2021 08:03

@EllaVaNight

Suggest that they babysit your DC once a month (or whatever would help). And ask why they didn't buy you a Christmas present. Try to keep it low key How is "suggesting" someone looks after your kid every month "low key"? And how would you ask someone why they didn't buy you a present (they aren't obligatory) "low key"? Maybe they couldn't afford to which could be embarrassing for them to discuss?

Off topic: What is the obsession on Mumsnet with conversations being "low key" or "gentle"? It's so weird!

I agree about “low key” and “gentle” - you have no control over how a conversation is going to go after the first sentence - it depends on the reaction of the person you are talking to.

Newmumatlast · 27/12/2021 11:06

@namechange85479865

Bought everyone in my family thoughtful gifts, things they actually needed. Spent all year trying to help various family members out of their ruts. Do so much for certain people emotionally, financially and practically. I'm a lone parent (by lone I mean dad not on scene at all). I work full time. I never get a break. I'm exhausted. Christmas Day got not so much as a card. Son was up late and family members (in my home) trying to watch a serious film. Son not allowed to play with his toys because too disruptive to the film. Told over 10 times he's not allowed to play with his new toys because they're noisy. So upset. Adults can watch films whenever they like. Films are not important. Son only gets one Christmas as a 3 year old. I just feel so emotional and under appreciated and like I don't know why I bother. Can't stop crying. Ended up sitting in my room playing with my son on my own so I didn't feel I uncomfortable about ruining the film. I don't think anyone really ever even thinks about me. Or cares.

In your home? If you're hosting and it's your home, your son gets to play and that's that. If not your home and you hosting then I would say its unreasonable for them to expect him not to play at all but not unreasonable for that to be in another room if the host and majority of guests are watching a film

anon12345678901 · 27/12/2021 11:09

@DrBlackbird

These kind of posts enrage bemuse and sadden me. You're not doing the OP a favour by not telling her to not blame herself when she’s a young single mother of a 3yr old, with siblings that don’t bother buying their nephew a present and she feels shit and crying because she can’t afford a place of her own.

There, fixed it. Jesus just what the hell is matter with those of you criticising and judging on the basis of assumptions. Yes, she asked for advice, which is different in my book from gestapo judgemental police. What about a little empathy, is that really such a struggle on Christmas? Apparently so for some of you

I don't see how it needed fixing. Or is no one supposed to say that the OP was behaving unreasonably by allowing her child to continue to make noise whilst others were watching a film? It's not just her house, so she has to share the space. It's not unreasonable for adults to want to watch a film without a child playing with his toys when he's played with them all day. I've been in the situation of being a single mum living with parents, it wasn't just myself and my child I had to consider.

FateHasRedesignedMost · 27/12/2021 11:16

Sorry you feel unappreciated, and the lack of gifts from them was mean. Unless they showered your son with gifts instead.

If son was up late and adults were already watching a film, I think it was unreasonable to expect them to stop the film so he could play with noisy toys in the living area.

He could have played quietly with something else and waited for the film to end or played in another room? I’m guessing it was only an hour or two max. I would find it annoying if someone’s toddler woke half way through a film I was enjoying and started playing noisily and demanding attention, spoiling it.

Maybe next time warn them what time he gets up and insist they start the film later?

OverTheRubicon · 28/12/2021 20:58

@Newmumatlast rtft. It's not her house (though it is her home, as she rents a room there), nor was she hosting. 7 pages in, it really is worth clicking on 'see all' to read what OPs have come back to say (or in this case, to drip feed).

Newmumatlast · 28/12/2021 21:14

[quote OverTheRubicon]@Newmumatlast rtft. It's not her house (though it is her home, as she rents a room there), nor was she hosting. 7 pages in, it really is worth clicking on 'see all' to read what OPs have come back to say (or in this case, to drip feed).[/quote]
Usually do but was responding quickly and could give an either or for both scenarios quite quickly so my comment stayed relevant. Signal crap and was taking forever to load ha!

BridStar · 28/12/2021 21:31

They're using you.

No more gifts and don't let them in your home. Your son was treated appallingly and he saw you simply let them. He watched them bully you and now he thinks that's ok.

He deserves better than to be around those people and he needs a parent who'll stand up for him.

JustLyra · 28/12/2021 21:32

@BridStar

They're using you.

No more gifts and don't let them in your home. Your son was treated appallingly and he saw you simply let them. He watched them bully you and now he thinks that's ok.

He deserves better than to be around those people and he needs a parent who'll stand up for him.

You think she should somehow ban her siblings from her parents home?

How does that work then?

Flowers500 · 28/12/2021 22:55

@BridStar

They're using you.

No more gifts and don't let them in your home. Your son was treated appallingly and he saw you simply let them. He watched them bully you and now he thinks that's ok.

He deserves better than to be around those people and he needs a parent who'll stand up for him.

Read the thread!!! It’s her parents’ home.