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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

People who don’t say thank you for gifts wtf

132 replies

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 25/12/2021 18:21

I have a teenage half sister who I only met a couple of years ago. I’m usually quite generous with gifts for her as we can afford it and her mother can’t/my father is extremely mean with money despite being wealthy.

Anyway this year she asked for a north face jacket. I agreed (before I realised that this was a bit of a pisstake and they start at 200£. Wtf). Anyway I had agreed so followed through and bought it. Posted to her, it’s arrived in plenty of time.

It’s 18.20 and she has not messaged a single thing. Not a sausage. Messaged my brother who spent Christmas with me and didn’t bother with a gift several hours ago to wish him a merry Christmas. AIBU to never bother with gifts for her again? Why can’t people say thank you?!? Surely you get a gift, you text a thank you?!

OP posts:
Original poster
Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 25/12/2021 18:41

Ok, just me! 🤦🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
Topseyt · 25/12/2021 18:46

Of course she should at least text a thank you.

Tell her next time you see her how disappointed you were not to hear from her, and how worried you were that perhaps the gift had not arrived.

Better still, text her to ask if she received the gift because you have heard nothing from her.

Topseyt · 25/12/2021 18:47

I mean, text her now.

SeasonFinale · 25/12/2021 18:49

Maybe she has written you a proper thank you note

Original poster
Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 25/12/2021 18:51

But I know she received it as I posted it with 2 other dresses I sent her and she received the dresses/sent photos, and the Christmas gift was wrapped and in the same package! So I know she has it. It’s very hard not to text her now saying I think she’s rude tbh but DH says that’s petty snd to leave it. It probably is petty it’s just really wound me up. My half brother also hasn’t said thank you for his gift which is also v rude but he didn’t ask for something so it’s annoyed me less.

OP posts:
Original poster
Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 25/12/2021 18:52

@SeasonFinale

She’s never done that and always texts thank you. I think it also wouldn’t have annoyed me as much if she hadn’t texted my brother! So she’s clearly on her phone!

OP posts:
Original poster
Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 25/12/2021 18:52

I realise I sound unreasonable

OP posts:
Ragruggers · 25/12/2021 18:53

Terrible manners.Send a text now did your coat arrive?Bit worried as I haven’t heard from you!If you don’t get a reply stop giving.No excuse in my book.

QuestionNumberOne · 25/12/2021 18:54

YANBU, but I’m not sure what the best course of action is. But I do know you can scale way back on the presents next year.

Luredbyapomegranate · 25/12/2021 18:55

It’s Christmas Day!

If you haven’t had a thank you note in a week, fair enough to be annoyed, but right now YABU. It sounds to me like you resent spending the money, in which case, don’t.

Original poster
Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 25/12/2021 18:58

@Luredbyapomegranate

I absolutely resented the cost of the north face jacket! I had no idea they were so much and wouldn’t dream of asking someone for one - it’s so expensive as a gift you ask for. I have texted everyone to say thank you for the gifts I’ve opened. Doesn’t everyone do that?! I also do resent it a little bit as, as I’ve said, my father is v wealthy and I do think he should be buying those sorts of things if she wants them. I’ve probably met my half sister about 20 times in my life.

I’m definitely not buying them
Gifts again. Just not sure if I say anything and if yes, What/when’s

OP posts:
SamMil · 25/12/2021 19:00

Maybe she hasn't opened it yet, or had a chance to say thank you? We unwrap presents in the afternoon and I don't thank every person immediately, though I do get there eventually!

BerryBe · 25/12/2021 19:02

She sent you photos of the dresses? Did she say thanks for them?

NellieBertram · 25/12/2021 19:04

I wouldn’t expect thank you messages on Christmas Day.
Also as a teenager so still learning. And also doesn’t know you and your expectations so well as you don’t have shared family expectations. Maybe just text to all if she got the gift - she might not have even opened it yet!
Then you can let her know you appreciate an immediate thank you for gifts.

Hankunamatata · 25/12/2021 19:05

Er my kids havnt thanked anyone today except grandparents. Everyone else is getting a call, text, card in the next few days.

Original poster
Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 25/12/2021 19:05

@BerryBe

Yes, the dresses she said thank you for! They weren’t part of the gift I just thought she might like them as I had them at home (new with tags on) but they were a bit young for me. She usually says thank you. But she’s been a bit stroppy this week. She’s also with her mother all morning and my father this evening snd gift was posted to her mother so I’d be amazed if she hasn’t opened. Tbh even if she messaged my brother merry Christmas could she not have messaged me the same? Just feels a bit off

OP posts:
BookWorm45 · 25/12/2021 19:05

I don't think you can dictate the precise time when someone sends a thankyou, although I agree there should be a thank you at some point. She could call you tomorrow for example. Not everyone would send a text straight away and especially not on Xmas day.

Original poster
Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 25/12/2021 19:06

I think if she hadnt messaged my brother I would have assumed she just wasn’t on her phone today. But @NellieBertram I take your points!

OP posts:
pradavilla · 25/12/2021 19:07

She shld have said thanks by now. It is so ungrateful. Give her a chance though over the next few days before u say anything.

Porcupineintherough · 25/12/2021 19:07

Ok I think it's fine not to thank on Christmas Day but I definitely would expect a thank you in the next couple of days.

Original poster
Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 25/12/2021 19:07

i don't think you can dictate the precise time when someone sends a thankyou

This is fair

OP posts:
BerryBe · 25/12/2021 19:08

I would HAVE to message her and ask if she got it. Even something like, "glad you liked the dresses, just checking you received the jacket too?" And see what she says.

cansu · 25/12/2021 19:08

You need to give her a chance! I am sure she will thank you but maybe not on Xmas day. I would give her a few days. Surely you will be speaking with her over the next few days?

Hankunamatata · 25/12/2021 19:09

[quote Justheretoaskaquestion91]@Luredbyapomegranate

I absolutely resented the cost of the north face jacket! I had no idea they were so much and wouldn’t dream of asking someone for one - it’s so expensive as a gift you ask for. I have texted everyone to say thank you for the gifts I’ve opened. Doesn’t everyone do that?! I also do resent it a little bit as, as I’ve said, my father is v wealthy and I do think he should be buying those sorts of things if she wants them. I’ve probably met my half sister about 20 times in my life.

I’m definitely not buying them
Gifts again. Just not sure if I say anything and if yes, What/when’s[/quote]
You could have easily responded that her request was too expensive and give her a limit. Shes a teen, you asked what she wanted and she told you 🤷‍♀️

EishetChayil · 25/12/2021 19:10

Surely you could have said "Sorry - North Face jackets are outside my budget. Choose something else". Couldn't you?