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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

People who don’t say thank you for gifts wtf

132 replies

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 25/12/2021 18:21

I have a teenage half sister who I only met a couple of years ago. I’m usually quite generous with gifts for her as we can afford it and her mother can’t/my father is extremely mean with money despite being wealthy.

Anyway this year she asked for a north face jacket. I agreed (before I realised that this was a bit of a pisstake and they start at 200£. Wtf). Anyway I had agreed so followed through and bought it. Posted to her, it’s arrived in plenty of time.

It’s 18.20 and she has not messaged a single thing. Not a sausage. Messaged my brother who spent Christmas with me and didn’t bother with a gift several hours ago to wish him a merry Christmas. AIBU to never bother with gifts for her again? Why can’t people say thank you?!? Surely you get a gift, you text a thank you?!

OP posts:
Original poster
Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 25/12/2021 19:40

@goawaystormy

As I said; I am generally very happy to buy gifts but I resented this gift in particular as I did think she was taking the piss with the cost - she knows we have money and I do think she pushed the boundaries somewhat with some of the stuff she does to get things from me. Manipulative messages etc and very unsubtle hints. But then, I remember being similar as a teenager in some ways so trying not
To judge so harshly. Just not sure I know her well enough for some of it.

OP posts:
SisterConcepta · 25/12/2021 19:40

Grabby and rude. If you’re old enough to ask for a specific and expensive brand of jacket, you’re old enough to text a simple thank you.

Original poster
Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 25/12/2021 19:41

@Fredstheteds

Do you say anything about them not saying thank you?

@doitwithlove

But what would you say?

OP posts:
Original poster
Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 25/12/2021 19:42

@SisterConcepta

Yeh, I do sort of think
That. It’s why it bothers me less that half brother hasn’t said thank you as he
Didn’t ask for anything so just got an Amazon voucher. I mean if I don’t hear from him either I also won’t bother but half sister should be over the moon with the gift she fucking asked for!!

OP posts:
BerriesAndPineCones · 25/12/2021 19:44

If the dresses were in the same parcel and she has thanked you for them and sent photos maybe she was meaning thanks for the jacket as well or thought she thanked you for it at the same time. Just say "Did you like the jacket as well as the dresses?"
and see what she replies

FoxIvy · 25/12/2021 19:48

[quote Justheretoaskaquestion91]@FoxIvy
You don’t think it’s odd to send one sibling and a thank you text and not another sibling? I do!

@Startrooper

I agree with you! She usually always says thank you straight away that’s why I’m surprised and wonder if it’s to do with her being stroppy when we last talked.[/quote]
Not really. You're not a child anymore, you and your brother don't have to be treated the same. I've phoned my brother today and not my sister - I'm closer to my sister generally but the day was busy. I'll call tomorrow. No biggie. If you've not had a thank you in a few days I could see your point, but give her time!

LittleRoundRobin · 25/12/2021 19:48

YANBU @Justheretoaskaquestion91 to be a bit irked, but as she is a teen, it's hardly surprising. I know that's no excuse blah blah blah, but teenagers are well known for their rudeness, inconsiderateness, and hurtful behaviour.

However, YABU have spent £200 on ONE GIFT, for this half sister that you only met 2 years ago. Many people don't spend that on their own children!

Idontgiveagriffindamn · 25/12/2021 19:49

To be honest you’ve already acknowledged that she usually says thanks so I think you’re being a bit OTT about it.
She may send a thank you text later. She may have typed a message and not sent it. I’ve done this before.
Did your brother test her first and she was responding?
Also I think you have to own that you agreed to get her something expensive. You could easily have gone back and said not in your budget but you didn’t - that’s on you not her.

Original poster
Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 25/12/2021 19:50

Did your brother test her first and she was responding?

No! She texted him
Out of the blue!

Also I think you have to own that you agreed to get her something expensive. You could easily have gone back and said not in your budget but you didn’t - that’s on you not her

Of course it’s my fault for buying it I just think it’s a bit CF I would never have asked someone for such an expensive gift!

OP posts:
Original poster
Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 25/12/2021 19:54

If I asked someone for actually a pretty expensive gift and I got it I would say thank you quite quickly!

OP posts:
theemmadilemma · 25/12/2021 19:55

My Partner is currently quietly seething because his 18 year old (half though I've never heard him use the term) brother hasn't text to say thank you for the designer watch we know he received. It's so rude. He's been sat in a car for hours with his phone - not driving. Confused

shiningcuckoo · 25/12/2021 19:55

Like others have said, it's still a bit early to get annoyed at not receiving a thank you. Actually, I have come round to the feeling after years of being surprised at lack of thank yous that it doesn't actually matter. A gift without strings is the best gift of all. Nowadays I don't really get gifts, but I do give them and I enjoy giving them whether or not there's a thank you forthcoming. As for the culture of gift giving, I do a lot of work in a developing Asian country. Sometimes I give the people I work with a little gift. It is in their culture to not open it in front of you and to never mention it. So the first time I gave a gift I was a bit surprised when they were quickly put into pockets still wrapped. I was only told later by someone else how delighted they were to be given a present. Apparently it's bad manners to show delight at the time!

mogsrus · 25/12/2021 19:59

I was answering to everyone by the time I was able to write,it’s just courtesy. sadly that seems to have long passed

IWasFunBeforeMum · 25/12/2021 19:59

Buy them crap next year..not cool of them.

HollowTalk · 25/12/2021 20:01

I love all the excuses that people are coming up with. And thank you letters? Is that really likely?

Original poster
Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 25/12/2021 20:02

@theemmadilemma

That makes me feel better that I’m
Not alone. I can’t say why it’s annoyed me so much.

OP posts:
milkysmum · 25/12/2021 20:04

I don't think it's unreasonable to expect a thank you text, but on the same day?
My two children have received lots of thoughtful gifts, but we won't get round to thanking everyone for these today- but will in next day or so.

TheAntiGardener · 25/12/2021 20:08

I’d agree that expecting a thank you on Christmas Day could be considered premature if we were talking a book token from a godparent or something. But a £200 jacket from your half-sister? I would be a bit miffed that she hasn’t texted to say happy Christmas, let alone thanks. It takes seconds to send a text and I doubt there are many teenagers so preoccupied with their families today that they can’t bear to use their phones.

I’d dial it back next year op, as this is the sort of gift-giving for very close relationships. Close enough to spare a minute or two on Xmas day at least. As evidenced on the what-did-you-get thread many/most couples (inc. in this house) aren’t spending this much on each other.

theemmadilemma · 25/12/2021 20:12

[quote Justheretoaskaquestion91]@theemmadilemma

That makes me feel better that I’m
Not alone. I can’t say why it’s annoyed me so much.[/quote]
@Justheretoaskaquestion91 He's quite clearly hurt as well. It's a 5 second job that would have meant a lot. So combined with the rudeness he's annoyed. You are not alone!

Antsinmypantsneedtodance · 25/12/2021 20:13

I think YABVU. What makes you think she should stop everything to send a thank you in the middle of celebrating with her family?

Give her till tomorrow at least before you start moaning about her all over the internet.

I send thank you's but we generally open gifts after dinner and it can be late evening by the time we're done. I then want to talk with those actually there rather than sit on my phone messaging thank you's. Give the girl a chance.

By all means if you've heard nothing in a day or so, send her coal next year and tell her why.

Original poster
Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 25/12/2021 20:16

I think YABVU. What makes you think she should stop everything to send a thank you in the middle of celebrating with her family?

Because she stopped everything to text my brother happy Christmas

OP posts:
Original poster
Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 25/12/2021 20:27

I think I hAve to message her, to check if she actually got the gift

OP posts:
Original poster
Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 25/12/2021 20:30

@theemmadilemma

Is he going to say anything or play the waiting game? I have texted

OP posts:
Mumdiva99 · 25/12/2021 20:32

Wow. I'm a stickler for thank you letters. But within a week to 10 days.....I don't make the kids - or me - stop Xmas day to text people.

theemmadilemma · 25/12/2021 20:50

[quote Justheretoaskaquestion91]@theemmadilemma

Is he going to say anything or play the waiting game? I have texted[/quote]
He picked up his phone and put back down. For now. He says he'll get a £10 phone top up card next year. I think it's likely he'll say something before then. Maybe not today though.

Sadly this is a repeat of last year, he did say something then and was apologised to the next day. So he sent another lovely £££ present this year.