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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

People who don’t say thank you for gifts wtf

132 replies

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 25/12/2021 18:21

I have a teenage half sister who I only met a couple of years ago. I’m usually quite generous with gifts for her as we can afford it and her mother can’t/my father is extremely mean with money despite being wealthy.

Anyway this year she asked for a north face jacket. I agreed (before I realised that this was a bit of a pisstake and they start at 200£. Wtf). Anyway I had agreed so followed through and bought it. Posted to her, it’s arrived in plenty of time.

It’s 18.20 and she has not messaged a single thing. Not a sausage. Messaged my brother who spent Christmas with me and didn’t bother with a gift several hours ago to wish him a merry Christmas. AIBU to never bother with gifts for her again? Why can’t people say thank you?!? Surely you get a gift, you text a thank you?!

OP posts:
WorriedMumsDontSleep · 26/12/2021 10:02

Boxing day isn't even over.
And no I have not sent my thank yous yet. Everyone in our household thinks it is batshit to start the Xmas gratitude grudge this early op. At least wait till twelfth night!

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 26/12/2021 10:02

@Doesntfeellikexmas

Just makes me less inclined to engage as she is young and impressionable and will just be buying into my father’s bullshit and I don’t really need someone else in my life thinking badly of me because of a deranged man! 😬

OP posts:
Carriemac · 26/12/2021 10:04

She's a CF and rude. Say nothing but next time she asks for something tell her that you didn't get thanked for the last present so you are not buying for her again. That's a law lesson it widely do here jo harm to learn.

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 26/12/2021 10:12

Tbh it’s v awkward now because what happened was she lied and said she had called me. Then she tried to call after saying she had called. Then she tried to show she had called using the “after the fact” call and now I’m annoyed at myself for orchestrating a situation where I’m inside a teenager’s madness and I absolutely need to retreat from the scenario/these guys in general. It’s not worth it for me

OP posts:
Iputthetrampintrampoline · 26/12/2021 11:17

I have a huge list of people to contact today to say thank you for my little girls gifts they kindly sent. I didnt do it yesterday as not to distrurb them and their family time, I hope they don;t think me rude as I am so appreciative of all their lovely gifts and the time and trouble they went to on my daughters behalf,

motheroflions · 26/12/2021 11:57

OP, and I mean this kindly. You are going too deep in to this. This is obviously about so much more than than her not texting you on Christmas Day to say thank you.

Its now evolving in to 'and she lied saying she had tried to call and was sarcastic'. The drama is still continuing.

If you would have just left it on xmas day this wouldn't be happening. So you do need to look at your own behaviour in this.

Teenagers can be incredibly rude, selfish, ungrateful and all that jazz - because they are not adults yet and they only think about themselves. However you was brought up doesn't mean that she has to follow on the same path. You are two different people.

This relationship is still relatively new, one that you are clearly putting a lot of effort in to but now you feel rejected or taken the piss out of because a teenager is not returning the same amount of effort. Deep feelings over your dad are also going to be tangled up in this.

My eldest is 25, over the years she has shown some not great behaviour - no one is perfect. I also worked with a teenager who was literally living on another planet. I used to pick her up on the way to work and drop her off as her house was on the way, when I took a weeks holiday from work she text me in the morning asking what time I was picking her up - she actually thought I would still be taking her in on my days off. She would lie about making mistakes even though it was clear she had actually done them, then she would go bright red and cry in the stock cupboard and phone her mum.

Honestly some teenagers are from another planet. Who they are now is not who they will be when they are 25.

But - you need to look at why you still bought this girl a coat that was too expensive and why you felt you couldn't say no. And then why you got upset on Christmas Day because she wasn't quick enough with a thank you. This is really all about your feelings - not her behaviour.

Also its totally ok to walk away from all this but dont let it be over a coat - because its not really is it?

WorriedMumsDontSleep · 26/12/2021 12:26

@motheroflions

OP, and I mean this kindly. You are going too deep in to this. This is obviously about so much more than than her not texting you on Christmas Day to say thank you.

Its now evolving in to 'and she lied saying she had tried to call and was sarcastic'. The drama is still continuing.

If you would have just left it on xmas day this wouldn't be happening. So you do need to look at your own behaviour in this.

Teenagers can be incredibly rude, selfish, ungrateful and all that jazz - because they are not adults yet and they only think about themselves. However you was brought up doesn't mean that she has to follow on the same path. You are two different people.

This relationship is still relatively new, one that you are clearly putting a lot of effort in to but now you feel rejected or taken the piss out of because a teenager is not returning the same amount of effort. Deep feelings over your dad are also going to be tangled up in this.

My eldest is 25, over the years she has shown some not great behaviour - no one is perfect. I also worked with a teenager who was literally living on another planet. I used to pick her up on the way to work and drop her off as her house was on the way, when I took a weeks holiday from work she text me in the morning asking what time I was picking her up - she actually thought I would still be taking her in on my days off. She would lie about making mistakes even though it was clear she had actually done them, then she would go bright red and cry in the stock cupboard and phone her mum.

Honestly some teenagers are from another planet. Who they are now is not who they will be when they are 25.

But - you need to look at why you still bought this girl a coat that was too expensive and why you felt you couldn't say no. And then why you got upset on Christmas Day because she wasn't quick enough with a thank you. This is really all about your feelings - not her behaviour.

Also its totally ok to walk away from all this but dont let it be over a coat - because its not really is it?

Well said.
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