People who don’t say thank you for gifts wtf

[Justheretoaskaquestion91]

I have a teenage half sister who I only met a couple of years ago. I’m usually quite generous with gifts for her as we can afford it and her mother can’t/my father is extremely mean with money despite being wealthy.

Anyway this year she asked for a north face jacket. I agreed (before I realised that this was a bit of a pisstake and they start at 200£. Wtf). Anyway I had agreed so followed through and bought it. Posted to her, it’s arrived in plenty of time.

It’s 18.20 and she has not messaged a single thing. Not a sausage. Messaged my brother who spent Christmas with me and didn’t bother with a gift several hours ago to wish him a merry Christmas. AIBU to never bother with gifts for her again? Why can’t people say thank you?!? Surely you get a gift, you text a thank you?!

She should have text a thank you, but I’d give it a couple of days before writing her off future Christmas present lists. Sadly, I think showing good manners is a dying trait. Too many becoming entitled and selfish in today’s world.

Yet again I sent gifts to my two closest friends for their DC a few weeks ago for Christmas and not a word of thanks as yet from either of them. They both said they received a parcel from me so I know they have got the gifts. If I don’t hear anything by NY then I won’t bother in future. They haven’t sent me a card let alone anything for my DS (not that I expect it in return), but I just find it hurtful to not even have a quick text to say ‘thanks for X’s Christmas present.’

@Hankunamatata

You could have easily responded that her request was too expensive and give her a limit. Shes a teen, you asked what she wanted and she told you

I’m
Not used to dealing with teenage girls, in my defence. She wanted a north face jacket and I was like “of course!”. Then I saw the price but had already agreed and she was excited so it would have been very mean/she would have been disappointed.

@Wishtherewasmore

V hurtful that they didn’t send anything to you either!

@BerryBe

I could do this but how I really feel is “how come you messed Derek merry Christmas and not me, when I actually bothered and always bother getting you a gift and he hasn’t seen you in 3 years and didn’t send you a card?”

Not sure a thank you really counts if you have to drag it out. Another friend hasn’t said thank you but it doesn’t bother me as they are all sick/haven’t been online all day etc so it’s a bit different.

What’s a teen got to do with a thank you, ?

@mogsrus

I don’t get it

@mogsrus what do you mean? Because she’s a teen she doesn’t need to say thank you because her parents should do it?

My 6yo will be personally thanking the people who took the time and thought to buy him a gift. To not bother to thank people is utterly rude, and is unfortunately becoming all too common.

@mogsrus

What’s a teen got to do with a thank you, ?

Because young people are still learning social etiquette, and as is clear from this thread, different families have different expectations about when and how thank yous should arrive. If the teen's mother/parents have never told her that you must text thank yous on Christmas day, how is she is know? My children wouldn't know that because that's not what we do.

Whilst I think you've been very generous, I've got a friend who will text me 2 or 3 times to say, "hope you liked the present?" and it really annoys me if I've bit had a chance, for whatever reason, to open it yet let alone thank her for it. The reason I've not always opened it is because I want to enjoy sitting down and looking at it at a good time, not just doing it in a mad rush. It really takes the shine off her gifts because I feel like I'm not doing things to her schedule. (And I always send written thank yous for all gifts so don't think I'm ill mannered!). Your sister might have been on her phone but sending Merry Christmas messages is different to writing thank you texts.

Do people really expect a thank you on Christmas day nowadays?! My kids send thank you notes but usually 7-10 days after Christmas. I haven't had any thank you texts for presents I have given and wouldn't expect this. Some people send thank you notes and some don't, I send the gifts because I want the recipient to have them regardless. I get why you are a bit upset but I think you have created this situation yourself... If you don't want to give, don't give.

So you are saying that they have to be nudged into doing it? not something that triggers in there own head

@FoxIvy
You don’t think it’s odd to send one sibling and a thank you text and not another sibling? I do!

@Startrooper

I agree with you! She usually always says thank you straight away that’s why I’m surprised and wonder if it’s to do with her being stroppy when we last talked.

If she opened it a few days ago, it may have slipped her mind to say thank you for the coat today.

If she usually says thank you, I would give her a birthday of wiggle room for a thank you.

I'd text 'oi, did you get the jacket?'

She also might feel like she has already thanked you for it along with the dresses

@Bicnod

She is not someone who sends a thank you note, she texts. I’m happy to give gifts in general I just think it’s polite to say thank you!

@mogsrus

So you are saying that they have to be nudged into doing it? not something that triggers in there own head

Children aren't born fully formed, they learn social behaviour as they grow. Have you never met a child? They're still learning and developing as teenagers too.

And no - 'thanking' etiquette is not intrinsic, it differs from culture to culture and family to family. It changes over time and place.

Don’t - partners side never thank it’s so rude. M

@Fredstheteds

Do you still get presents despite that?

I think you should give her a chance for a few days. But perhaps scale down the present buying in future.

I have texted everyone to say thank you for the gifts I’ve opened. Doesn’t everyone do that?!

Nope, Christmas Day is busy and about spending time with the people you're with, not spending half an hour on your phone texting thank you notes to everyone immoderately. Give it afew days.

Sadly, I think showing good manners is a dying trait. Too many becoming entitled and selfish in today’s world.

I don't think this at all. I think people who talk like this are up themselves and look down on those who act differently who they thus deem low class. What's actually a dying trait is performative manners. People say thanks now when they're actually grateful, and I think that's a lot more meaningful. People expecting performative thank yous (especially those who insist on a note and won't get with the times of a text/thank you in person) are simply old fashioned. Times move on.

I send the gifts because I want the recipient to have them regardless.

This. I'm not frothing at the mouth if I don't get a thank you by '18:20' because I'm not buying to be thanked. I buy for people I care about because I want them to have the things I'm buying for them. If you resent it so much just stop.

@NellieBertram

I fully agree it’s something that must be learnt whcih is part of why I mentioned her age in the post as I think it’s relevant for context.

My mum brought bIL new child a lovely cardi- it’s would mean the world to my mum at the moment as my father is quite ill. Quick phone call, note etc. I suggested manner books for xmas - I have to remind partner to thank my parents.

[quote Justheretoaskaquestion91]@Fredstheteds

Do you still get presents despite that?[/quote]
Yes- honestly ww2 would break out...

I would be very upset at not getting an acknowledgement. I would send her a message.