Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

People who don’t say thank you for gifts wtf

132 replies

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 25/12/2021 18:21

I have a teenage half sister who I only met a couple of years ago. I’m usually quite generous with gifts for her as we can afford it and her mother can’t/my father is extremely mean with money despite being wealthy.

Anyway this year she asked for a north face jacket. I agreed (before I realised that this was a bit of a pisstake and they start at 200£. Wtf). Anyway I had agreed so followed through and bought it. Posted to her, it’s arrived in plenty of time.

It’s 18.20 and she has not messaged a single thing. Not a sausage. Messaged my brother who spent Christmas with me and didn’t bother with a gift several hours ago to wish him a merry Christmas. AIBU to never bother with gifts for her again? Why can’t people say thank you?!? Surely you get a gift, you text a thank you?!

OP posts:
theemmadilemma · 25/12/2021 20:51

I'll add I was made to make calls to immediate family not present in the day itself to say thank you. As was he. So I don't think expecting a text is unreasonable.

Grimchmas · 25/12/2021 20:58

I haven't thanked everybody yet! One friend who text me early to thank me I replied with my thanks, somebody else who has been unbelievably generous I actually tactfully asked if there had been a mistake (they sent 5 x as much money as they normally do a gift card for!) then thanked profusely, and my aunt who has been whatsapping me photos and videos all day got thanked beefsteak that was natural conversation.

YANBU to expect a thank you, but YABU to think it simply must be today.

doitwithlove · 25/12/2021 21:07

@Justheretoaskaquestion91 Firstly Ask if she received the coat then go from there - did it fit etc

From 2022 onwards she would get a small token gift

doitwithlove · 25/12/2021 21:09

Seen your update @Justheretoaskaquestion91 - just wait for the reply now.

lottiegarbanzo · 25/12/2021 21:11

Just let her enjoy Christmas Day. Give her a chance to thank you in her own time.

You sound like a total micromanager, extremely demanding and as though you enjoy winding yourself up about nothing.

Wouldn't you rather be relaxing with a glass of wine and a film / game / conversation with your loved ones, right now?

Original poster
Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 25/12/2021 21:20

@lottiegarbanzo

My personality is what it is! I feel better having sent a text. Doesn’t mean I don’t have fun but I think manners are important. MIL sent me some gifts - can’t imagine messaging my brother and sister in law to say marry Christmas and not having texted MIL thank you. Madness.

Tbh she has been on Instagram all day as she’s a teenager so it’s not like she hasn’t been on her phone.

OP posts:
doadeer · 25/12/2021 21:23

I think it's really rude I would be feeling the same as you.

We thank everyone immediately.

LonginesPrime · 25/12/2021 21:29

OP, you said:

I know she received it as I posted it with 2 other dresses I sent her and she received the dresses/sent photos, and the Christmas gift was wrapped and in the same package!

Then:

I think I hAve to message her, to check if she actually got the gift

I think YWU to send a passive aggressive request to be thanked on Christmas day, as you didn't even give her an opportunity to actually thank you voluntarily and it's a shitty thing to do to make her feel bad and to suggest that she wasn't going to thank you.

I get that you resent having spent more than you'd planned to on her present, but that was your mistake, not hers, so she shouldn't be punished for it.

goawaystormy · 25/12/2021 21:42

My personality is what it is! I feel better having sent a text. Doesn’t mean I don’t have fun but I think manners are important.

That's your personality. YOU feel better having sent a text. Your sister is different. She's not ungrateful and lacking manners because she hasn't thanked you yet, in a time you've prescribed, which is actually very small (as many people on this thread have pointed out Hmm). If she hasn't thanked you by New Years then you can go on about manners.

I hope the text you sent wasn't passive aggressive and was a general merry Christmas/how are you. I personally thinks it's extremely lacking in manners to expect to people to pander to the times you prescribe to your own life when they live differently, and to only give gifts with expectation, not just because you want to.

NameChangeCity123 · 25/12/2021 21:43

@Ragruggers

Terrible manners.Send a text now did your coat arrive?Bit worried as I haven’t heard from you!If you don’t get a reply stop giving.No excuse in my book.
This is what I would do
Rno3gfr · 25/12/2021 21:55

Maybe she’s waiting for the right time to call you to say thank you and merry Christmas? I’d hope so. I used to get very anxious about thanking people for gifts as I wanted to show I was grateful in the right way. I.e. I was anxious about sending a text alone but also scared of speaking to people I didn’t know very well. To be fair though, I’d have never asked for such a gift in the fist place. Nevertheless, if she’s spent half of Christmas with her mum and the other with her dad then maybe she’s tired and a bit stressed? I’m making excuses for her because I’m hoping you’ll get the thanks you deserve soon!

Wattleanddaub · 25/12/2021 22:16

Did she know your brother was with you? Maybe she thought he was alone and wanted to let him know people were thinking about him. Was it a long message or brief, generic greeting?
She's thanked you for stuff in the past. Maybe she's been a bit off recently because you've made it clear to her that she asked for something too expensive. I doubt she'll be asking for anything again so that'll be your problem sorted.

MyDarlingWhatIfYouFly · 25/12/2021 22:16

@LonginesPrime

OP, you said:

I know she received it as I posted it with 2 other dresses I sent her and she received the dresses/sent photos, and the Christmas gift was wrapped and in the same package!

Then:

I think I hAve to message her, to check if she actually got the gift

I think YWU to send a passive aggressive request to be thanked on Christmas day, as you didn't even give her an opportunity to actually thank you voluntarily and it's a shitty thing to do to make her feel bad and to suggest that she wasn't going to thank you.

I get that you resent having spent more than you'd planned to on her present, but that was your mistake, not hers, so she shouldn't be punished for it.

100% this - I really hope you haven't been passive-aggressive in the text to make her feel guilty.

I haven't sent a single thank you yet, I usually start after Boxing Day. I did send a few "Merry Christmas" texts but that's it.

Atla · 25/12/2021 22:33

Confused it's still Christmas day! My kids haven't thanked anyone yet. I don't know why you would give a £200 quid gift if you are going to resent giving it.

SweetBabyCheeses99 · 25/12/2021 22:48

NorthFace make a lot of different types of coats, then there’s sizes and colours. I imagine she might fancy swapping it for a slightly different one but doesn’t quite have the maturity to know how to ask you. So she’s saying silent because thanking you is tantamount to accepting it! Why don’t you contact her tomorrow and say something like “if it doesn’t fit/wrong colour/style then lmk and you can swap it easily enough”.

LynetteScavo · 25/12/2021 23:10

I’m definitely not buying them
Gifts again. Just not sure if I say anything and if yes, What/when’s

Wow, so a teenager doesn't text you immediate to say thank you (text might not have gone through and she didn't notice) and on her you decide not to ever give a gift a gain?

Text and ask if the coat is ok. You should have told her it was too expensive when you found out the price. I'm sure if you'd apologised ans said sorry you just can't buy it she'd have understood. It's a hard gift to follow next year, but to say you're never giving her a gift again? Thats really unkind.

WorriedMumsDontSleep · 25/12/2021 23:16

Effing hell, I thought it was considered rude for teens to be on their devices all Christmas day. They can't win!
Ps no thank you from me as I like to send a personal pic eg wearing the item, little story about how it was used etc.

Original poster
Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 25/12/2021 23:51

Have received extremely bizarre, sarcastic messages from half sister AND half brother, basically both saying they tried to call but perhaps I was “preoccupied with festivities”. No missed calls here - I’m assuming that’s BS driven by my extremely odd father. Also doesn’t quite ring true because every other birthday or Christmas when they have called and I’ve been too busy to answer they have texted too.

@SweetBabyCheeses99 she sent me a link and I bought exactly the one she wanted!

I’m surprised people think it’s fine to not say thank you on the day to people; I really thought this was the done thing for teenagers/adults who can communicate directly themselves!

OP posts:
CareBear50 · 26/12/2021 06:37

My pet peeve is people not saying thank you for gifts. I think it's the height of rudeness.

But OP I believe you've been really quite rude and presumptuous on this occasion. You should have given her a chance to voluntarily respond....up to seven days is fine under these circumstances

The nice thing you did ie buying a North face jacket (which you were a bit annoyed about) has now been made into something tinged with a slight bit of awkwardness because of impatience

sweetbellyhigh · 26/12/2021 06:48

Honestly I think you were already annoyed with her before you bought the jacket.

She's a teenager, they have little idea of how the real world works. If you asked her what she wanted and she told you, in her eyes that seems totally straightforward. In future you could say hey give me a few suggestions so I can pick one, up to £50 (or whatever)

And wrt her not thanking you on Christmas Day, again I think it's ok. For many people it's utterly overwhelming. She's probably busy with people in the house and messaging her friends.

It's also ok to message her and say, how is the jacket? Are you happy?

Much better than festering.

titanic25 · 26/12/2021 07:20

If I won't receive a text or note even after next day then i would not bother her buying anything expensive next time.
I would also send cheeky text ,"you are Welcome ," too. But thats just me. Few people will argue its all about giving and not expected thankyou etc. I believe in manners.

RobertsYourFathersBrother · 26/12/2021 07:42

YANBU. This is my pet peeve too. I don't gift give for the thanks but it hurts when the receiver doesn't thank you. I spent so much time and money and thought into my step kids presents (10 and 12) and neither of them thanked either of us. They both learnt Santa wasn't real early this year from various friends and their mother so knre the gifts were from us. It really upset me internally. Everything they've pointed out in recent months, I got. But no reaction... gutted.

Lachimolala · 26/12/2021 07:45

I don’t think you’re being petty or unreasonable, I’m still silently seething not one of my siblings said thank you for me once again spending £££ and busting my arse to give them a wonderful Christmas Day for the third year in a row yesterday, and that was just the tip of the iceberg of their behaviour.

Next Christmas I’m buying for my kids only and spending it with them alone, they can all chuff off as far as I’m concerned.

Doesntfeellikexmas · 26/12/2021 07:50

I’m assuming that’s BS driven by my extremely odd father

Given that she normally says thank you and given your dad is such an arse, I am surprised you are not more concerned with what might possibly be going with her, rather than upset over a lack of thank you on one occasion

CheshireKitten123 · 26/12/2021 07:59

"Have received extremely bizarre, sarcastic messages from half sister AND half brother, basically both saying they tried to call but perhaps I was “preoccupied with festivities”. No missed calls here - I’m assuming that’s BS driven by my extremely odd father. Also doesn’t quite ring true because every other birthday or Christmas when they have called and I’ve been too busy to answer they have texted too."

Your father being 'odd' has nothing to do with her lack of manners.

I think you know the answer OP.

No more Xmas presents just a card in future. Sorted.

Swipe left for the next trending thread