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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

OH forgot to bring DDs Christmas gifts

167 replies

Veeveeoxox · 25/12/2021 00:20

We are staying at a relatives house 3 hours away DD is going away snowboarding tomorrow night
I'm travelling separately she won't get to play with her gifts until she gets back. I told my OH to put her gifts in the car after we leave so she doesn't know and thinks Santa has been. I've just asked OH to get the gifts out of the car and put under relatives tree and he said he hasn't bought them with him he's put them under our tree for some stupid fucking reason . I'm going to have drive the 3 hours there and 3 hours back aren't I ? My poor DD I'm heartbroken for her she hasn't got anything to open on Xmas day and I feel like a shitty mother for not checking. I'm livid.

OP posts:
Christmasfail · 25/12/2021 10:35

NC. I was the parent (mother!) who did this three years ago. DD was five. We had had an early Christmas Day with her older sister a couple of days before. Our work is usually very busy in November and December and I've never quite been motivated enough to start planning in October.

So - we had managed one mini-visit from Santa already, and delivered a sack of gifts to her cousins before making the five-hour journey to my in-laws.

I hadn't actually packed the little ones' presents yet - they were all in a black bag which I'd hidden in the junk room with all the other family gifts, already wrapped.

We got to my in-laws and I spent the afternoon icing a Christmas cake as part of my contribution. We put the family gifts under the tree.

At 9pm I looked in the car for the black bag to start wrapping. No bag. I checked and checked.

I started crying. So much so that I still had a headache in the morning. Nobody's fault but mine. I went through the same thought processes as OP. The drive there and back would be 10 hours through the night with a chance of not being back until 8am. DH had had some wine so couldn't drive. I was also still breastfeeding. My brother-in-law offered to meet us half-way but it was clearly ridiculous.

I remember my mother-in-law looking unconcerned and saying 'oh don't worry, she'll get heaps from us'. In their family, Father Christmas delivers presents rather than providing them - so there would still be scope for Santa to have 'been', just not the way I was used to.

There were some stocking fillers that I wrapped - which filled a very small stocking. My husband contributed the silver necklace he had bought for me. My MIL then suggested her spare mini-whiteboard, still in its plastic wrapping, with board marker pens. Not my finest moment: I said 'an office whiteboard?? Why not? Why not just wrap up some cutlery from the kitchen drawer as well'.

She said later that she had to leave the room to have a good laugh.

I carried on Googling desperately to see if I could get to Gatwick to buy emergency gifts. I can't remember why I didn't do this - I think I'd offered to drive to midnight mass and otherwise people couldn't have gone, and that mattered too.

The next day, there was my husband's family's traditional sedate unwrapping of gifts just before lunch and DD sat patiently on the children's stool until it was her turn. She loved her gifts. She had plenty. I asked what her favourite thing was - 'the whiteboard'.

When we got home, my family had found and wrapped the remaining gifts and they were there under the tree.

I still remember being really, really upset about this - but also that it turned out not to matter. The most important thing for her was that Santa had come, a sign she'd been good, and what the gifts actually were was not as important as I thought.

Like everyone above I can't quite understand the thought process of putting gifts under the tree at home (!!) but most of us have had a tough couple of years. When we're stressed and distracted we go onto autopilot and do the habitual thing just when you need to remember to do something out of the normal run of things - that's when we make mistakes.

I'm glad she's having a lovely day!

Regularsizedrudy · 25/12/2021 10:57

Wow lots of bitter posters after the update! OP is on a snowboarding holiday for gods sake it’s hardly a drip feed to find out they are well off

SleepingStandingUp · 25/12/2021 11:06

@LowlandsAway

Oof, bit of a drip feed regarding how much expensive stuff she is getting (and has already opened). Not surprised now your OH wouldn’t go back, she isn’t exactly being deprived!
So it's OK for rich little girls to be sad Santa forgot them but remembered their cousins because their feelings matter less?
wizzywig · 25/12/2021 11:08

So snowboarding isn't a treat for her?

FrankGrillosWrist · 25/12/2021 11:52

Have you been watching Click & Collect? Stephen Merchants 9 hour round trip was ridiculous as well. She'll have something to look forward to when she gets back.

marriedmadness · 25/12/2021 12:05

A bit crap but surely a snowboarding holiday is a great present by itself?

NatashaBedwouldbenice · 25/12/2021 12:05

Is there time to go to a local charity shop ? You can find good stuff there so she has something to open. Think that’s what I would do. Mum did this once but was presents for son in laws she was in tears but they were adult men so was fine but 8 year old different!

This is the thread that keeps on giving.

drpet49 · 25/12/2021 12:23

** The truth has eventually come out, thanks for drip feeding op

Your daughter is not only going on a snowboarding holiday, she's already had a laptop, she's then also having a tablet and a sewing machine

The laptop alone which she got on the 23rd will be much more than a lot of children receive. I think this post was quite attention seeking.**

^I agree

RhubarbFairy · 25/12/2021 13:57

You're only unreasonable because I'm insanely jealous that your DD and OH are going snowboarding this evening. We should be skiing right now but had to cancel a couple of weeks ago. Oh, in fact, I'M being unreasonable Grin Where are they going?

The Robux was an excellent save. I have 8 and 10 year olds who would be thrilled with either that, Minecoins or Vbucks. In fact, both got money and I wouldn't be surprised to see a portion of that disappear on some form of gaming currency.

Presumably she has her old tablet with her already so will be enjoying spending that today.

Dreamstate · 25/12/2021 14:23

@PalmedOlive

I can’t get over that people are suggesting op leaves her husband because he forgot the Christmas presents 😳 B’jesus - overreaction much?!?!
I know! Or how useless a guy cos he forgot. People forget all the time including women.

Chill the Heck out. Its not the end of the world and clearly wasn't for the child.

I just cant fathom ever being with a partner who would literally get that upset at me for forgetting something unless it was a matter of life and death...which rarely ever happens.

Some people just love to get upset and then bemoan how their day was ruined cos of partner ...well you decided to get upset so you ruined it yourself.

SleepingStandingUp · 25/12/2021 15:51

@wizzywig

So snowboarding isn't a treat for her?
Of course it is, but family holidays aren't "presents" and usually aren't off Santa
sweeneytoddsrazor · 25/12/2021 17:01

So he forgot her presents and you forgot to mention she had already had one of them. Both of you seem to have memory problems.

If she is old enough to understand getting gifts early she is old enough to understand getting them late as well.

Helpstopthepain · 25/12/2021 17:02

I love that everyone was weeping with you until that you aren’t poor.

I’m glad you managed to save it op. Have a lovely Christmas

CraftyGin · 26/12/2021 00:22

I haven't decided whether this thread is for real, and am bemused that 77% of folks think that it is reasonable to make a 6 hour round trip for 'santa' presents.

When our kids were young, and on the few occasions we went to family, we would just take a modest gift for them from us - we have never, ever done Santa. Two reasons - the logistics of transporting 5 sets of gifts for them only to be taken back home again, and that we did not want to outshine the gifts from the hosts (given that our gifts were automatically 'better' because we knew our own children).

It would be pretty bad for the OP's DD to be glued to her glamorous new tablet, instead of making an effort with gifts from her relatives, or spending time to engage with her cousins. The cousin relationship is so special, and no gadget should come between it.

I think it is a blessing that DH neglected to pack her gifts.

KateMcCallister · 26/12/2021 10:35

Good god some of the spite on here when OP mentioned the gifts that were left behind. Expensive gifts don't mean she's somehow less deserving of having something to open on Christmas morning!! OP I'm glad she still managed to have a nice morning, and will have another extra Christmas when she gets back.

KateMcCallister · 26/12/2021 10:38

@CraftyGin how do you know the cousins didn't get a PS5 each and weren't spending their Xmas day glued to their glamorous new consoles? Or were they also expected not to open anything on Christmas Day, in case it ruins their "relationship" 🙄

SleepingStandingUp · 26/12/2021 14:15

@CraftyGin

I haven't decided whether this thread is for real, and am bemused that 77% of folks think that it is reasonable to make a 6 hour round trip for 'santa' presents.

When our kids were young, and on the few occasions we went to family, we would just take a modest gift for them from us - we have never, ever done Santa. Two reasons - the logistics of transporting 5 sets of gifts for them only to be taken back home again, and that we did not want to outshine the gifts from the hosts (given that our gifts were automatically 'better' because we knew our own children).

It would be pretty bad for the OP's DD to be glued to her glamorous new tablet, instead of making an effort with gifts from her relatives, or spending time to engage with her cousins. The cousin relationship is so special, and no gadget should come between it.

I think it is a blessing that DH neglected to pack her gifts.

What nonsense. What if all the kids had tablets for Xmas? What if the cousins are 10years younger or older? You seem to imagine the cousins opening only board games they could all play together or otherwise crying in a corner that their beastly rich cousin can't be bothered with them
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