Is it morally wrong to spend your children's Christmas money and vouchers?

[Comedycook]

First of all let me start by saying I have no intention of doing this so no need to flame me, but I was wondering as my children between them have received over £100 from various relatives...all comes via me. Don't worry, I fully intend to give to my children!

But it got me thinking, let's say you were completely skint, would you use your children's Christmas money or vouchers to pay for food or essentials? Is it morally wrong or would you see it as necessary?

@Comedycook

It's interesting how people always seem to have enough money for their vices like alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, gambling, etc. but somehow don't have enough money for food or to pay their bills

There's also lots of people who just don't have enough for the basics...and don't buy booze and gamble.

But that isn't you though.

You have a DH who works full time from home and you work part time. He enjoys night outs which isn't cheap. You pay for spray tans.

You're not skint.

I think it also depends on why you are skint.

if you're skint because you've spent all your money on booze, that's a different situation to the one where you normally have to watch every penny and you've just had to pay out for the car to be repaired because there is no other way to get to work/school.

"Can't afford it" can mean "choose to spend my money on other things or it can mean "there literally is no money". I'd have sympathy in the second case and none in the first.

Never in my life have I paid for a spray tan @RantyAunty. I have no idea what you are on about

It would be more immoral not to provide basics for your child so I feel if one was in that situation you'd do what you have to do to feed your family. Thankfully I've not been in this position but I wouldn't think poorly of anyone who had to use a voucher on food, clothes, heat etc.

Very wrong. The only time I think it would be acceptable is if you were literally going hungry or something. And you had a way you knew you could pay it back immediately. Tbh in that situation you'd hope the person giving vouchers would help you out too!

Clearly it's morally wrong for your kids to go without hearing and food so that they can spend vouchers on toys instead.

I've done it. It paid for food. I left it as last as I could but the night I had a tin of peas for dinner, I decided I would use it. I felt bad, but they never knew. It was about 10 days before Christmas too and I got paid Christmas eve. That was a shit year.

You're not skint

Never said I was. Although I'm not well off. Slap bang in the middle...and I never pay for beauty treatments. All my money goes on running my home and my kids.

I think it's okay, provided you keep a record of it and reimburse them when things improve. That's fair all round.

@Comedycook

Do you think it’s theft or not? You’re remarkably passive in your own thread when this is something you’re now considering doing

I'm not considering it. I'm saying that whilst I can afford shoes for my DC, using their vouchers would make it much easier. I don't intend on actually doing it.

As for the theft aspect...it all depends doesn't it...that's the whole point of the discussion. If the parent takes the money and buys food they couldn't afford..fine. if they take it to gamble in the bookies, that is more likely to be seen as theft I think.

So now food is fine, and we’ve moved on from broken cars and school shoes to addicts?

I thought about this as I wanted to give a useful response to someone who could be in this situation.

I imagine, in a situation like this people will panic and be quick to spend the childrens money/vouchers without definitely exhausting all other options first. I'm sure they'd feel guilty about it though.

There are very few situations in which doing so would be necessary, if you had definitely exhausted other options. For example, selling items you don't bother with anymore, don't need or want. Money from family such as parents, a loan from friends, asking neighbours if they've got anything you can have they don't want - Tesco deliver things we can't use often, as substitutions. Checking bakeries etc for things that are going to be thrown out.

Realistically if you had no choice I'm sure you'd prefer your child alive than a present in place of their food.

I think it would be fine. We get money every year for the kids for Christmas and Birthdays from various relatives. We use most of it to pay for swimming lessons & an acting class then send a thank you note to say that’s what they bought. Truth is though that if they were bought toys we would just pay for the classes so in reality I suppose that money just goes into our general funds and gets spent on extra family activities through the year. If interest rates were less rubbish I might keep it and save for them but as it is I really can’t see the point. I really see nothing immoral in spending the money for them on something they need or something they will enjoy or even something to do as a family. If I gave a gift to a child and it was spent on a family thing or an essential I’d be fine with it. If it was being spent on something solely for the parents then I’d think that was wrong.

The question actually is.....

"Is it morally wrong to provide my dcs with good memories and food and heat on Christmas Day instead of cash - or give them cash but sit in a cold house, provide nothing to open and eat beans on toast".

That's based on the question of if it's morally wrong when you're skint.

I think most kids would prefer a decent meal, warm house and fun day than a £20 note?

I always spend the kids xmas money to fund xmas. At the end of the day my kids need food,clothes and heating more than they need more toys/gadgets. I dont feel one iota of guilt over it either.

now food is fine, and we’ve moved on from broken cars and school shoes to addicts?

It's a discussion...that's generally how it works. Like most things in life, it's not black and white. There's grey areas of what's acceptable and what isn't. Here we are discussing what we all deem ok or not ok. Please feel free to leave the thread if it's upsetting you.

@Comedycook

now food is fine, and we’ve moved on from broken cars and school shoes to addicts?

It's a discussion...that's generally how it works. Like most things in life, it's not black and white. There's grey areas of what's acceptable and what isn't. Here we are discussing what we all deem ok or not ok. Please feel free to leave the thread if it's upsetting you.

Except you’re being coy about your own line in the sand.

If the person is skint then children need to eat and have clothing/shelter more than they need Christmas vouchers for lots of toys. Obviously having love is free as well and unloved children with Christmas money still feel unloved, whereas poor children may grow up never wanting to be poor but at least know they had the care and attention. Especially if the parents are sacrificing for themselves to make life decent for the children.

I did it. We were desperate, we needed to pay for food and mortgage before we were repossessed. Kids none the wiser at the time, we were able to get ourselves together and put the money back ( it wasn't a huge amount, couple of hundred, but the money being available was all we could lay our hands at that point)
And as adults, I'll bail them out even now, from time to time. Swings and roundabouts.

My parents had to do this back when we were little kids and they were absolutely skint. They had to empty our building society accounts too. I don't blame them, and think it was the right thing to do when the alternative was going into further debt just to be able to put food on the table. They paid it all back eventually.

It'd be morally wrong if you spent it just because you wanted to and not out of necessity.

I hate thread like this. Most people o here have never been in a situation where £100 is make or break. If we were at rock bottom then yes absolutely.

If the alternative was that the children would go hungry or without clothes then it wouldn't be wrong to use them but you should try and repay it when possible.

@SoniaFouler

No, don’t do this. They are their vouchers, not yours. And yes, it is morally wrong, as if you even needed to ask.

Is it morally wrong to not feed/clothe your children or keep them warm? That could be the alternative.

Is it ideal? No

Would I if the alternative was no food etc? Absolutely.

it depends how soon you can reimburse them
i have borrowed from dd savings
but reimburse within the month

I don't see the issue if you pay it back. I often use the cash myself knowing they want something ordering online. I rarely carry cash so it comes in handy.

Of course it’s not wrong if you pay it back. This website is a trip sometimes.