To think it's unacceptable so many women cry in the workplace?

[ttcpatronisers]

I work in an office of approx 40 people. Half of them roughly are women.

Of the Half, the majority have cried in the workplace - many on multiple occasions and often when they are in the wrong about a situation.

I find this unprofessional and odd. Of the men, one has cried.

Why do women cry so often at work? Is it because there's some truth in us being unable to control our emotions? Is it because we fell it's accepted in society for women to cry? Or is it because we attention? Know we can get what we want when we cry as it softens a situation?

Honestly, I find it very odd and annoying. I feel it undermines us in the workplace.

I also find it incredibly unprofessional. Now obviously if something really bad has happened it's a different story but often these tears are because of minor events.

AIBU - crying at work isn't unprofessional
YANBU - people should hold their emotions together and perhaps go to the toilet and cry

We don't have to pretend to be men, I cry very easily it's an instant relief I pull myself together and then get on with it. I wish more men were like me not the other way round. Feminism no longer means we need to try and be men, we are not inferior copies of men. Our natural attributes and behaviours need to become more normal in the work place

This little gem was posted back on page 1 - and it’s absolutely perfect.

Women don’t need to act more like men, we aren’t men.

@Toddlerteaplease

We've all cried at work. We are nurses. It's allowed!

Hear you, @Toddlerteaplease think I'd ne concerned about a colleague who didn't cry in some of the situations we see.

I think it depends on why you are crying. Crying because you’ve made a mistake sounds like a high stress environment if it leads to such distress and I’d suggest the company needs to take a look at how it operates if this is how many staff it is affecting. Half the office crying half the time sounds a lot higher than average, the odd person once in a blue moon maybe. I consider myself a pretty tough cookie generally but I’ve cried at work quite a few times (not an office), I’m glad my colleagues and managers seem to have more compassion than you though and don’t consider me to be generally unprofessional as a result.

[quote SwishSwishBisch]**@ttcpatronisers* I’m curious, how do you* release emotion when you're stressed/angry/humiliated/frustrated? What is your coping mechanism?

I work in a supportive, but stressful, industry. I’ve seen plenty of women get tearful in the office over the years - the vast majority of whom bite it down until they can escape to privacy, they’re not looking for sympathy or cuddles. I don’t find that unprofessional at all. Crying is a very natural response to heightened emotional states for some people, and our society’s insistence that crying is embarrassing/shameful/unprofessional does us no favours.

Can I suggest instead of offering your colleagues disdainful looks, you offer them a tissue and get on with your day?[/quote]
Also this. There is nothing wrong with crying. Unless someone is pretending to do so for some weird reason. The unprofessional thing is just bollocks. Humans have emotions and sometimes show them. Maybe you should work on your empathy OP and look into why it makes you so uncomfortable.

I used to burst into tears whenever the Baby P news report was broadcast. I had just come back from my 1st maternity leave and we had to have sky news on 24/7, I had never been emotional at work ever prior.

I have only ever cried once since then and that was a leaving speach.... And I still don't know why.

People that cry openly on making mistakes, I always think are playing the sympathy card. I have immense anxiety but can if needed, hold it... As long as I don't have to speak.

In my time as a manager, if they have children under 2, I do give sympathy for hormones.

Also a nurse, after years in ED and urgent care and now in community, I don't know any of my colleagues that hasn't cried at work at some point - some things are just really, really sad. I wouldn't be doing it in front of patients/families though if I could help it, because I wouldn't want to make their grief about me. To colleagues afterwards, absolutely. People aren't robots.

I have cried at work - I am a healthcare professional. As a junior I would find a toilet or a linen cupboard. It was a completely normal response to sadness around me and total exhaustion.
I have comforted colleagues who have cried and they have comforted me.
Crying is something women do - blokes get angry .
I am seriously worried that the workplace you work in that people are so destroyed by errors that they are crying.

Op if people are crying at work because they've made a mistake that's a toxic culture.

That's a big indicator they're scared of repercussions from their mistake.

I've only ever seen 2 women cry in 2 different companies I've worked at

[quote ttcpatronisers]@ineedsun I've just explained it's usually when they've got something wrong - ie made a mistake or they're having personal issues outside work so are crying in work. It's not the workplace that's the issue - as I'm a woman and I'm not crying and don't see anything untoward going on with the other women there.

And if it was the company, then the men would be crying too? [/quote]
Women cry more than men though.

I've been working nearly 30yrs in high pressure, professional environment, mostly female employees and the only time I've experienced women crying in the workplace is recently and is because of a toxic workplace.

I would suggest if women are crying regularly, or are crying because they've made a mistake, then it's a cultural issue in your organisation that needs to be addressed.

No one likes to cry at work.

It's not a typical workplace.

Of course women cry a lot more than men - on average - men show emotion differently to women.

Have dipped in and out of this thread so can't see if op has said where they work, but I see a lot of my hcp colleagues have said there's been lots of tears. Especially in last couple of years. So what if someone cries at their work how does it really affect you op?

I have read as far as your exasperated & impatient 3rd post. I bet you've made people upset at work, OP. You sound throughly unsympathetic and very unpleasant.

It most definitely sounds like a work environment problem if do many are reduced to tears. You don't seem to see it, though.

It depends why they are crying.
Problem in personal life, unrelated to work e.g. infertility, divorce, bereavement = fine to cry
Overwhelmed with workload or other aspect of work = fine (I am a teacher so it's fairly common in my profession especially for newbies! But probably not so common in some other jobs)
Done something wrong, and crying as a means of diversion/sympathy/deflecting blame = not okay

You sound like an arse. One crying emplyee is a concern, multiple is horrific. I feel it's probably your company so check your reviews on glassdoor. Its not a sex based problem- its a management problem. Btw i work for many many women owned and run organisations and weeping in the office is not one of our problems. Happy Christmas

[quote ttcpatronisers]@ineedsun I've just explained it's usually when they've got something wrong - ie made a mistake or they're having personal issues outside work so are crying in work. It's not the workplace that's the issue - as I'm a woman and I'm not crying and don't see anything untoward going on with the other women there.

And if it was the company, then the men would be crying too? [/quote]
No, because like it or not, women ARE more emotional than men and cry more easily.

I wish people would stop trying to pretend that men and women are the same - WE ARE NOT!!!

I cried when I was in my twenties and temping, with truly mad bosses and often bizarre assignments (in private, I'd never give them the satisfaction of knowing they'd hit the mark in public), and I've cried with fury as an older worker at some situations (again, never where anyone could see me). Shouldn't the question really be, why are the workplaces, or the people in them, so beyond toxic that ANYONE is crying, whether they're female, male, or a giant purple panda with yellow feathers??

The strange thing about this thread is that so many people put it down to a toxic workplace! Really? So every time someone cries it must be the workplace fault / it's like nowadays no one can take accountability for anything.

I've been in toxic workplaces but I don't cry! I stand up for myself if something isn't right - doesn't mean crying is still and acceptable regular way to behave.

I've been in toxic work situations where I stood up for myself and others. One resulted in an out of court settlement but it broke my mental health.
6 years down the line I still suffer, everytime I feel emotionally stronger something happens which gives me flashbacks and I end up crying. It's usually due to frustration at the unfairness of what is being said.
I fucking hate it but when I have cried it's because of a toxic manager.

Just to add, my comments relate to crying being an issue because it's a toxic workplace.

And after I'd done my weeping from fury in the broom cupboard, since plug-in AI decision making algorithms aren't yet available for most humans, I then usually turned into Jadis the witch and sorted out the issue as far as possible. The weeping in the broom cupboard was infinitely preferable to my doing what I've seen many male "superiors" (and a few women) do over the years, including ranting, raving, kicking walls, smashing desks, and using fat red face and bad breath and teeth proximity as an attempted method of intimidation.

Although I've direct experience of it not always being the case, as have many of my friends and family, I'd hope any employer would understand an employee crying out of sympathy for clients, patients, pupils, other humans, or animals; anger and frustration at deliberate political decisions and their damaging effects on much of society; or because they've had a bereavement or a near miss accident or have to live with an abusive or ill relative. Just to give a few examples.

I am fairly good at compartmentalising my emotions, but once, when we found out my brother had cancer, work was stressful, I made a mistake, I broke down. Couldnt help it, excused myself and went to the loo and was mortified.

Thankfully I dont work with you op and everyone was very understanding.

Men generally dont cry, but it doesn't mean they dont sometimes need some understanding too. We are all human.

I've seen quite a few colleagues cry in various jobs I've had, mainly due to things going on outside of work. I have a couple of times myself (not proud of it). I think for me and the colleagues I've seen cry it's due to putting on a face when going through something difficult and just cracking in the moment. We are all human. Maybe shouldn't have gone to work that day but haven't wanted to let anyone down

@ttcpatronisers

The strange thing about this thread is that so many people put it down to a toxic workplace! Really? So every time someone cries it must be the workplace fault / it's like nowadays no one can take accountability for anything.

I've been in toxic workplaces but I don't cry! I stand up for myself if something isn't right - doesn't mean crying is still and acceptable regular way to behave.

What do you want? A cookie?

Here's the thing ... you're not special,stronger,more resilient. You're just another run of the mill emotional shut down.

Boy's from previous generations were taught not to cry, called awful names if they were emotional.
I saw DP cry once in 16 years, he has seen me cry 100's of times over the years through sadness out of my control, not over an argument.
I've had a lot of loss he hasn't experienced yet.
My father never cried nor does my Dbro.

Dunno. I’ve never encountered much if any crying and overall I’ve worked with c 50/50 men and women.

I guess some people have trouble controlling their emotions in the obvious, whether that’s anger, distress, anxiety, or whatever it is that causes bullying. You’re probably right crying is more common in women, but I expect the reverse is true for loosing your temper and shouting. I don’t think either is wrong as long as it’s very occasional - but some people just have trouble managing their emotions.