To think it's unacceptable so many women cry in the workplace?

[ttcpatronisers]

I work in an office of approx 40 people. Half of them roughly are women.

Of the Half, the majority have cried in the workplace - many on multiple occasions and often when they are in the wrong about a situation.

I find this unprofessional and odd. Of the men, one has cried.

Why do women cry so often at work? Is it because there's some truth in us being unable to control our emotions? Is it because we fell it's accepted in society for women to cry? Or is it because we attention? Know we can get what we want when we cry as it softens a situation?

Honestly, I find it very odd and annoying. I feel it undermines us in the workplace.

I also find it incredibly unprofessional. Now obviously if something really bad has happened it's a different story but often these tears are because of minor events.

AIBU - crying at work isn't unprofessional
YANBU - people should hold their emotions together and perhaps go to the toilet and cry

Around the time of that C4 interview with Jordan Peterson, I remember looking further into his thoughts, and he said that for men there is always an undercurrent of aggression in perfectly normal office discussions or disputes. That a man has, in the back of his mind, a 'power move' to resort to. My husband concurs (in the IT field)

We women have spent a long time being told we are too emotional, too hormonal (and now in menopause - not hormonal enough ) to hold down a job. Crickets about male behavior, in the meantime.

I have very rarely cried in a job role and never to the extent someone would even notice. Been around a lot of swearing, desk-thumping and civilised squaring-off though ( in construction)

Crying in response to a reprimand should be met with an offer to revisit when the person has had a chance to settle as they're upset. Simple. If they are crying to manipulate it will be harder to do twice, believably.

I think crying is a normal reaction to stress / upset / difficulty.

The reason men cry less than women is because it is socialised out of them from a young age when they’re told it’s not appropriate or sufficiently masculine to cry.

It’s not a good thing that men are trained not to cry.

@errorcode010010010100010

Well it's a shame we can't all be dead inside like the op.

Happy to be dead inside rather than crying at work. Thanks.

The more the OP posts the more I understand the amount of people crying in her workplace.

Well good news I've mainly worked with men and seen several of them weep so I guess its not just us wimmin who are so emotional and unprofessional.

Yabu
I work in nhs. Past couple of years have been awful - all the uncertainty re covid before vaccines, worrying about our vulnerable patients, worrying about each other and how to keep safe. I think we’ve all had a time when we’ve had a cry at work, apart from the 2 males. I don’t think this is weakness, just a normal human response to an extraordinarily difficult time.
Also many of us are peri/menopausal on top of all the stress - if you have not yet reached this stage in life you might find that changes your mind a bit.

I have bipolar disorder, I often have to resort to crying to release a very intense energy. Sometimes it's something funny that sets me off, sometimes stress, sometimes genuine sadness. Sometimes for no reason at all which is frustrating. have cried at work any times (mind you not in a room full of people I take myself out of the situation.)

Can it be helped?

Nope, once those tears are rolling it's unstoppable. I wish I was one of those people who can hold tears back or switch off from it but I'm not an alien.

I've also had panic attacks at work.

Must be because I'm female.

I'm joking, but in all honestly I do believe it's unprofessional to sit there sobbing in an office, but i don't think it's acceptable to not take yourself out to compose yourself. I also believe that the majority of us, especially us females can't control when we cry or we don't, and the majority of us are embarrassed by it.

Also, hormones.

I've seen people crying in work a number of times, one was bereaved, another a relationship breakdown, bullying manager, inappropriate advances* and the rest I don't know.
Not me, I'm male and had crying knocked out of me at an early age.
*got the bastard sacked

@Teach234

The more the OP posts the more I understand the amount of people crying in her workplace.

This

I am completely soft and emotional. However I haven't ever cried for a "work reason". And I'm the sort of person who cries at the McDonald's Christmas advert.

The only time I have ever cried at work was when my daughter had been hit by a car outside school and DH had called me to let me know they were in the ambulance. I have a very stressful job but manage to keep my emotions in check!

You sound like an absolute horror, is it those that work closely with you that cry? Do you have no empathy?

We are not embarrassed when we laugh, why should we be when we cry? Two expressions of emotion, just opposite sides of the coin.
Just because ‘the men’ at your work don’t, so what? Why does that make it unprofessional? Is professionalism only based on male behaviour? Anything women tend to do which men don’t is wrong?
Or is it, OP, that you think this behaviour is a deflection away from some blame your female colleagues are trying to avoid, which is actually a different question.

Any time I cried at work, it was because I was being bullied by someone senior to me. I would therefore suggest the OP review her own behaviour towards people she sees crying at work. A little sympathy or support sometimes works wonders.

I was redeployed to a covid ward last year and saw every member of staff cry at some point. Including the men.

I don't understand why crying is so awful. I'd much rather someone cry than someone lose their temper, swear, shout or slam doors. It's just a release of emotion. It's not unprofessional, it's just a release of emotion. Maybe we should be more compassionate toward one another. Maybe your work place shouldn't be so awful.
This post is very misogynistic.

One thing I’m pretty good at is not being embarrassed about my emotions so on the odd occasion I have cried in front of people I don’t care about it too much. When I was young I had to give talks to large groups of people and I’d stumble over my words a bit. I’m not that fluent when I talk. When I realised no one actually cares especially when my talks were informative and entertaining otherwise it made everything much easier.

If I were to cry in front of someone outside my family I’d acknowledge it but I wouldn’t apologise or be coy about it. I think that makes it easier for other people to deal with which makes it easier for me iyswim It depends on the circumstances though.

I've only cried once and it was because my boss was a bully and we were expected to suck it up. I was actually really angry so they were tears of frustration from trying to remain calm. He made a lot of the men cry too!

I work in a team of about 10 women and have seen most of them cry over the years for various reasons.

My boss used to cry every time she had PMS (she’d start a row, cry then apologise and blame PMS!)

Our manager cried openly when we lost a patient. She also cried a lot when she was pregnant.

One female manager cried in a management meeting because she’d been up all night with teething toddler and nursery called her to say toddler had been sick.

Maybe men have less juggling to do? Eg they’re statistically less likely to be up in the night with kids, racing to and from school or nursery runs, on call to pick up sick kids, balancing work with the mental load of running a household etc?

I’ve cried at work once, when I felt attacked and undermined in a meeting I wasn’t prepared for or expecting. I desperately didn’t want to cry but it happened. It didn’t help I’d been woken at 3am that day by my DC and since getting to work there had been emergency after emergency, staff snapping, my friend crying on my shoulder about something. So I got angry and defensive and I guess that led to tears?

Maybe men express emotion differently eg shut down and withdraw, or become openly angry and raise their voice, or attack back when they feel threatened or hurt?

@HunterGatherer

I was redeployed to a covid ward last year and saw every member of staff cry at some point. Including the men.

Thank you so much to you and your colleagues.

I find it both interesting and odd how people perceive crying in the workplace. For a start, I never said it was so awful - but it is unprofessional.

Would you cry in a job interview? If not why as it's even to be such a positive thing for those who cannot see what I mean?

There are may behaviours unprofessional not just crying. I just decided to start a thread about crying.

For example, shouting, swearing, banging fists, even laughing really wildly. These are unprofessional things to do in the workplace.

At home, swearing is fine, all of those other behaviours are fine - just not in a professional environment. My personal opinion, prepared to get flamed which I have but 🤷‍♀️

For example, shouting, swearing, banging fists, even laughing really wildly. These are unprofessional things to do in the workplace.

But you didn't. You chose to start a thread about one thing women do more than men. 🤔

Would you cry in a job interview?

Dunno. Would you be interviewing me?

Why would crying be unprofessional?

I might cry in a job interview, yes. It's not like it's a choice. If I do, I probably just stubbed my toe or something. I might even shout "Ow!", because stubbing your toe hurts like hell. Or it's my hayfever, which i really can't control. I'd just apologise/explain quickly and move on, because that's the professional thing to do.

I never cry to manipulate people, I never expect any attention from anyone else because I'm crying. In fact, it irritates me when people try to draw attention to it, or extract meaning from it, and I find that unprofessional. Sometimes water comes out of my eyes and that's... because I'm human.

@TheKeatingFive

For example, shouting, swearing, banging fists, even laughing really wildly. These are unprofessional things to do in the workplace.

But you didn't. You chose to start a thread about one thing women do more than men. 🤔

And so what? On MN there are always people starting threads about all the bad things men do - from rape to cheating. Never heard anyone defend the criticism of men and call it mysoginist to point out a flaw in their gender.

Funny that.

Working in a tech company a few years ago I saw a lot of tears, both joy and grief. People had given their heart and soul, some major contracts were both won, and some lost. We were bought by a larger competitor, a (financial) relief for some, and the end of the dream for others.

It doesn't sound like the OP has a lot of experience working in high pressure environments.