To think it's unacceptable so many women cry in the workplace?

[ttcpatronisers]

I work in an office of approx 40 people. Half of them roughly are women.

Of the Half, the majority have cried in the workplace - many on multiple occasions and often when they are in the wrong about a situation.

I find this unprofessional and odd. Of the men, one has cried.

Why do women cry so often at work? Is it because there's some truth in us being unable to control our emotions? Is it because we fell it's accepted in society for women to cry? Or is it because we attention? Know we can get what we want when we cry as it softens a situation?

Honestly, I find it very odd and annoying. I feel it undermines us in the workplace.

I also find it incredibly unprofessional. Now obviously if something really bad has happened it's a different story but often these tears are because of minor events.

AIBU - crying at work isn't unprofessional
YANBU - people should hold their emotions together and perhaps go to the toilet and cry

@Mxflamingnoravera and I hated it but it was my body responding, not me being out of control of my emotions. this.

Well that’s utterly bizarre! I have never seen anyone cry in our workplace ( offices of around 600 people) men or women. People - men and women- have occasionally been upset but I’ve never seen anyone openly cry.

Most people where I work have cried. Not dramatically but generally a quiet sob in a corner when everyone is out. Mainly female workers but men have cried too. Definitely a treatment thing rather than an over emotional woman thing. I'm a primary teacher.

One of my colleagues cried at work, quite frequently, it was the precursor to an MND diagnosis .
Stress and fatigue (up multiple times in the night with sick children or nursing mothers) will also more likely have a lower threshold for crying.
Hormones can play a big part in emotions so PMT and peri-menopause can cause emotional changes.
As for if it's professional, we'll for the most part it's not something we have much control over; it's a bodily function which shows a certain level of stress whether that's physiological stress (hormone / pathological) or emotional. Bit like yawning, you can stifle a yawn, just as you can stifle a tear, but it's pretty much impossible to stop altogether.

To be honest Op you come across as a rather cold and nasty individual in your posts so can't say I'm surprised you've encountered a lot of women crying

@Haus1234

Gosh, I do hope you’re not in a management role!

While crying at work is a bit unprofessional, it is unavoidable over a long career for a fairly large amount of people in stressful roles. I work in finance and nearly all women including senior ones (and some men) will admit to having cried at work once or twice.

The “acceptable male equivalent” is shouting and anger, which I find much worse.

The “acceptable male equivalent” is shouting and anger, which I find much worse.

THIS

Maybe you're part of the reason they're crying? You sound incredibly rude and heartless.....

YABU - just because emotions haven't overwhelmed and don't affect you at work in the same way it does not mean that it shouldn't happen.

I think I've seen 50% of staff at my school cry at some point or another!

Have had both men and women crying in work in various jobs I've had over the years and in my experience, it's never really about work

Yep I've cried. It happens. Fire me

I cried at work because a 22 year old vulnerable client I had been assigned, He had died of an accidwntal overdose. He died alone in a grotty room with no one around him to call for help.
My manager told me in front of the entire office upon my return from holidays with no warning.

So that was nice.
Would have given no fucks at that particular moment as to appearing unprofessional.

I’ve cried when I’ve made mistakes in work. Back when I had a horrible line manager who would treat me like something she stepped in the second I made even a slight error. I spent the whole job in a constant state of anxiety, terrified of making mistakes and breaking down when I did because I was so scared of her reaction.

In my current team, if any errors get made (as they always do - no one is perfect!) my manager just shrugs it off and we all help to fix it. It’s not a big deal. Funnily enough, there’s been no tears in this role.

YABU and clearly have a toxic work environment.

What kind of work is it? For example I wouldn't judge a social worker for crying since they must hear and witness some horrible things where as if you're in a non-customer facing job doing something more mundane like working art Wernham Hogg then we need more information on why people are crying.

@NickiWap

To be honest Op you come across as a rather cold and nasty individual in your posts so can't say I'm surprised you've encountered a lot of women crying

Agreed, she sounds so unpleasant 😫

You sound horrible.

Your two example: an alcoholic husband and pain are valid reasons why someone might cry.

Women tend to cry more than men as it's imbedded in men/boys from a very young age they it's not socially acceptable for them to cry. Thankfully this doesn't apply to women as it's very in unhealthy.

And people are not robots. I don't believe in "leaving everything at the door", you need people to come to work so expect them to be people.

Also people have varying range of ability to moderate or regulate their emotions. A large part of which is not hearth and is to do with brain development (contrary to popular opinion). . Just because you don't cry I certain settings doesn't mean others have that choice.

The “acceptable male equivalent” is shouting and anger, which I find much worse.

Yes - I've seen several instances of men shouting/throwing things/stalking off in the workplace.

Okay well a very young family member has just died in tragic circumstances. So instead of returning to work in case I'm so unprofessional that I might cry, I'll wait a year or so until I feel better shall I.
We spend the majority of our lives at work, these colleagues become our friends. You should be allowed to cry in some circumstances. No one has the right to stop someone from crying. Not always professional but usually it's extenuating circumstances

Oh this is my favourite thread ever!
OP appears tone deaf to the idea that virtually no one agrees with her. Plus some mischievous responses and some wilful misunderstandings that are hilarious.
Personally I love a good cry. It is a quick and healthy release of emotions. But I don't think I have cried at work- even when I took the call to tell me DDad had died or DH had killed himself. That's because I have lovely supportive colleagues and we worked together as a real proper TEAM. If there was a problem, I could always get support before it got to the stage of crying.
Oh actually, i have cried at work---with laughter- when a library customer quietly and unexpectedly asked my colleague for a sanitary towel. My colleague couldn't compute what she was being asked for ( usually it was a law report or a science journal...) and made her repeat the request about 5 times.

I cried a few months ago because I'd found out the day before that my son might have something wrong with his heart and someone asked me about it. I rarely cry in or out of work and it just came from nowhere. I'm glad my colleagues are lovely and didn't think I was unprofessional

@Copasetic

In all honesty, I’m not known for my empathy!

No shit sherlock. OPs got the same issue.

@SpiderFluff

Men should be encouraged to cry more

Yeah I’m with you. Crying is a pretty useful way to release all sorts of emotions and men have been taught that it’s a much less acceptable option for them.

If someone cried in my work place I’d be worried about them not thinking that they were unprofessional.

People have all sorts going on and sometimes a stupid mistake or difficult situation at work can tip you over the edge into tears.

Why do you think crying is a bad thing?

Unless people are fake crying to try to manipulate people, then what's so wrong with crying? Are they wailing so loud you can't work?

Of all the ways to express negative feelings, crying is the least harmful and annoying IMO.

Okay crying in the workplace may seem unprofessional in the 1st glance. We are taught to suppress our emotions, that showing them and expressing our feelings is wrong. People usually cry when they are at their breaking point, and my question is, what happens in your workplace and brings women to their breakpoints? Why do we have to compare women and men?