To think it's unacceptable so many women cry in the workplace?

[ttcpatronisers]

I work in an office of approx 40 people. Half of them roughly are women.

Of the Half, the majority have cried in the workplace - many on multiple occasions and often when they are in the wrong about a situation.

I find this unprofessional and odd. Of the men, one has cried.

Why do women cry so often at work? Is it because there's some truth in us being unable to control our emotions? Is it because we fell it's accepted in society for women to cry? Or is it because we attention? Know we can get what we want when we cry as it softens a situation?

Honestly, I find it very odd and annoying. I feel it undermines us in the workplace.

I also find it incredibly unprofessional. Now obviously if something really bad has happened it's a different story but often these tears are because of minor events.

AIBU - crying at work isn't unprofessional
YANBU - people should hold their emotions together and perhaps go to the toilet and cry

And so what? On MN there are always people starting threads about all the bad things men do - from rape to cheating. Never heard anyone defend the criticism of men and call it mysoginist to point out a flaw in their gender.

This makes no sense, yet somehow still reveals the true agenda. Gosh, it was so convincing behind that clever disguise. Rape, cheating, and crying at work. Damn, you got us.

Side point: why are so many misogynists unable to spell the word? Does their autocorrect not work? Do their mums' basements emit a blocker on the technology?

Not RTFT so apologies if duplicate, but Anne Kreamer's It's Always Personal: Navigating Emotion in the New Workplace (2011) discusses a lot of related issues. In addition to crying, she dissects and attempts to categorise and critique expressions of anger, fear, anxiety, empathy, and joy in "professional" settings and understand some of the reasons why they may be or appear to be categorically different for men vs women.

Is what is considered "professional" and "unprofessional" shaped by the fact that the workforce in white collar type settings has historically been primarily male, and the managerial levels who set the tone and decide the corporate culture even more so? Yes, of course there are some cases where crying becomes disruptive and self-indulgent and therefore inappropriate, but there's appropriate (and, she argues, even constructive) expressions of extreme emotions too - where are the lines drawn? Do they differ for men and woman, and in professional settings in different cultures (the book is primarily US-focused)? Perhaps some men should be crying more, or at least equally free to - and then we can decide what inappropriate crying is for everyone, not based on sex.

There's also a strong message being actively spread by misogynists at the moment (not covered in this book, as it's several years old) that women in general specifically weaponise tears and use them to manipulate and so any expression of emotion from women should be distrusted - and, especially, any expression that others do not share or understand. This is used to discredit women speaking about their own experience which, if you take a look around the world and even around the UK or US, is pretty shocking.

And yet, at the same time, there are still culturally pervasive attitudes - mainly but not exclusively outside of professional settings - that a stoic man is praiseworthy and a role model but a woman who doesn't show any emotion is a cold fish, unfeeling bitch, not empathetic, etc. So women get blamed for being too emotional - and not emotional enough. A lot of attitudes and perceptions about women crying and about men crying are still bound up tightly with regressive gender stereotypes, and with misogyny.

I used to work with vulnerable people and families who were homeless, or at risk of becoming so.

Everyone on the team, including the men, has had a caseor two that has been so hopeless that they have been reduced to tears at least once, because of the sadness of clients' situations, but also throught rage and frustration at the lack of support and austerity cuts that make a bad situation worse.

The organisation has a caring and supportive ethos, and no-one, from the CEO down, would regard crying at work as unprofessional. Staff are always treated in a very supportive way when dealing with distressing cases, both my management and their peers. The approach is the same when the tears are caused by personal matters.

Side point: why are so many misogynists unable to spell the word? Does their autocorrect not work? Do their mums' basements emit a blocker on the technology?

Love this, @DrSbaitso.

I've only cried once, a more senior member of staff who was not my boss, was telling me I was wrong and going on and on. However it was done like that. , I was the doer, I said that's how I'm doing it as that how I was trained. So she basically didn't know her stuff.

I have some staff in the past that cry very regularly, I don't think I've made them cry but other colleagues.

YANBU. Women cry more than men and yes it’s unprofessional. But this is MN where women are superheroes and men are villains so of course everyone is missing the point snd no one will agree with you.

@Justheretoaskaquestion91

YANBU. Women cry more than men and yes it’s unprofessional. But this is MN where women are superheroes and men are villains so of course everyone is missing the point snd no one will agree with you.

Why are so many of these types surprised that a site for women centres women? And so threatened by it? Because that's all this weary old whinge is ever about.

@ttcpatronisers - no we can't just 'accept that'. It's unusual. What's your recruitment process? Training? Support? Management? Coaching?

@DrSbaitso

I’m not surprised but I think it’s silly. I’m not embarrassed that as a woman I cry more than mine - I accept that that’s how it is/I’m proud of being a woman and that’s fine by me. I think it’s silly to try to deny it.

OP read White Tears, Brown Scars and you’ll understand some people f the psychology behind the tears.

Where I work two of the men were fired for sexual harassment (should have been more but the others are friends with the ceo), two for fighting in the office, and one for stalking - I would prefer crying over this mess.

@DrSbaitso

Would you cry in a job interview?

Dunno. Would you be interviewing me?

[quote Justheretoaskaquestion91]@DrSbaitso

I’m not surprised but I think it’s silly. I’m not embarrassed that as a woman I cry more than mine - I accept that that’s how it is/I’m proud of being a woman and that’s fine by me. I think it’s silly to try to deny it.[/quote]
I'm sure we all take your opinion with all due respect.

Ex civil servant here. I heard n the grapevine that a female minister was reduced to weeping silently in a meeting by her boss. This was in front of staff and special advisors, but could not be seen by the Minister who got her into this state.
If you think carefully you can work out who the boss was...

@ttcpatronisers I’m curious, how do you release emotion when you're stressed/angry/humiliated/frustrated? What is your coping mechanism?

I work in a supportive, but stressful, industry. I’ve seen plenty of women get tearful in the office over the years - the vast majority of whom bite it down until they can escape to privacy, they’re not looking for sympathy or cuddles. I don’t find that unprofessional at all. Crying is a very natural response to heightened emotional states for some people, and our society’s insistence that crying is embarrassing/shameful/unprofessional does us no favours.

Can I suggest instead of offering your colleagues disdainful looks, you offer them a tissue and get on with your day?

I rarely cry anywhere. The only time I ever cried at work was a horrendous place where people were treated like shit by management. And yes others cried too.

I’ve been in the workplace for 40 years. The only time I’ve seen Women (and a few men) cry was…
Death of family member
Car accident
Bullying in the workplace
and when the large travel firm/airline I worked for went bust 4 years ago and we were given 10 minutes to clear our desks and leave the building.

I’ve cried at work, my mum had died.

@DrSbaitso

And so what? On MN there are always people starting threads about all the bad things men do - from rape to cheating. Never heard anyone defend the criticism of men and call it mysoginist to point out a flaw in their gender.

This makes no sense, yet somehow still reveals the true agenda. Gosh, it was so convincing behind that clever disguise. Rape, cheating, and crying at work. Damn, you got us.

Side point: why are so many misogynists unable to spell the word? Does their autocorrect not work? Do their mums' basements emit a blocker on the technology?

One of the best posts I've ever read on here

I know what you mean OP.

When a woman makes a mistake regarding her work many cry to get out of the consequences, never seen a guy do this.

When a bully is a woman and it looks as though she has gone too far she'll cry to get out of the trouble she has caused.

However, I worked with a man whose behaviour was worse than crying.
He was rubbish at is job.
He used to spend his days licking the a* of male senior management and the old female financial director's.

His plan to try not to get sacked was to get his manager sacked!
He managed to get the senior males to have a meeting with the whole team to discuss our manager behind her back!
It didn't work.
I left after that, disgusting place.

Anyway, men have a different way to get out of the crap they are causing and it's worse than crying, as far as I'm concerned.

On MN there are always people starting threads about all the bad things men do - from rape to cheating.

Lol. Raping and cheating vs crying. Yep, totally the same level of awfulness!

The last time I cried in work was because I was on the verge of being overwhelmed with stress and then heard that acquaintance's extremely premature IVF baby had died at 10 days old. The time before that was when the entire staff and student body applauded the funeral procession for a colleague who died of COVID, aged 38. So twice since the start of the school year. IDGAF if anyone thinks it's unprofessional, and in the case of the funeral procession I hope it showed some of our pupils that they were not alone in their grief.

In the past I have cried in work due to stress (once year on average but multiple times in my training year and rarely since) and once because I was extremely worried about my unborn child. I don't do it deliberately and I don't like it when it happens, but I think it's really unhealthy to suppress your emotions. I'm also really glad I work somewhere that understands people get upset (and I wouldn't say they're particularly supportive or understanding in general). Your colleagues are humans OP, not everyone can just leave all their personal stuff at the door when they enter the office. Instead of sneering that crying women are unprofessional, maybe you could try to support them or if it's the same person repeatedly, inform their line manager that they're struggling? You really don't come across well here...

I cried at work today, I couldn't give a damn if you'd find me unprofessional OP, you come across as an absolute twunt.

(Sad news of a bereavement a friend has suffered).

We've all cried at work. We are nurses. It's allowed!

I've cried a few times at work, the last couple of times because I was pretty depressed. Since I've been on anti-depressants I now just feel angry and say things I shouldn't ! It is as if I have no filter or just don't care. I look back and cringe at the times I did cry.

@FFSFFSFFS

Why are they crying?

Are there lots of people doing unpleasant things? Because I’d say that’s unprofessional.

It massively annoys me that men ranting and raving typically gets none of the stick that women crying does…

This. Men's emotions are ok even though they tend to be more upsetting and destructive than womens. I'd prefer to see someone cry than get angry.