To make ds (23) and his boyfriend (26) sleep in separate beds?

[hypeg]

We have ds and his boyfriend coming tomorrow for Christmas. We’ve met the boyfriend once over lunch, and he is lovely.

Dh wants them to sleep in separate rooms. Now obviously when they are in their own city they must share a bed as they stay over at each other’s places.

But when our dd had her then boyfriend stay for Christmas when she was 21, we made them sleep in separate beds then. Our parents agree as they were not married, but did say things seem very different today.

YABU obvs!

Watching with interest.
@mnhq, don't be getting any ideas about deleting this!

No, let them share a bed. Don't be ridiculous.

I would absolutely let them share a bed of course. But I say that as someone who never ever had sex in my parents house, whether they were there or not, just out of respect. So sleeping over there with a partner would never have been about an opportunity for sex anyway

I’d let them share a bed.

Not doing so seems, to me, creepy and weird.

Absolutely ridiculous and if you are going through with your plan you need to tell them sooner rather than later so they can make other arrangements as I doubt they will want to stay if these are the rules.

Of course you can't make grown men sleep in separate beds 🙄

I can't believe your DD and her BF went along with either.

Yeah so the BF is definitely going to think you're a giant homophobe and there will be a 0% chance of him wanting anything to do with you.

• went along with IT

Even if you believe in no sex before marriage, thats your choice and not your DS's. You can't impose your decisions on other adults

Pregnancy again, even if one could get pregnant they are more than old enough for that to no longer be their parents concern.

They are both way into adulthood, I find it bizarre when parents can't cope with the concept of their children growing up. It's over invested in their sex life and its weird, most people wouldn't even think of sex when another couple share a bed. It's just a normal thing for couples to do, but by imposing this rule it's making it all about sex and how uncomfortable that makes you feel, and at 23 that is really fuck all to do with you.

Weird stealth boast about multiple spare rooms?

Your house your rules.

This is so weird. As a pp has said, it will also definitely make the boyfriend think you're homophobic, even if you're not. When I was nineteen I stayed over for Christmas at my then-girlfriend's house and her mum was a fairly explicitly (albeit apologetically) homophobic devout Catholic, but she still didn't think of making me sleep in a different room, knowing that I lived with her daughter.

I would not have a problem with them sharing a room, they are a couple. Not sure I can give you any advice regarding your dh view. Very difficult when you have a differing views I hope you resolve it amicably

I think it would be ridiculous to expect them to sleep separately.

If you are planning this, I would strongly advise you let them know in advance however. That way they can plan accordingly, possibly by cancelling the trip or booking a hotel etc.

My parents made me and now DH sleep in separate rooms from 15-26 when we got married… even though my dad would openly sit at the dinner table in later years complaining about his lack of grandkids. Suddenly when we got married we could share a room 🙄

hneDeloresMoorhead Thu 23-Dec-21 01:01:01
Dh and I weren't allowed to sleep together at my parents house until we got married - and I lived there ! I had a single bed and DH had to sleep in the guest bedroom downstairs.

When we got married and I moved out my parents bought a double bed with great fanfare and we were given the parental approval to sleep together. My parents are very old fashioned and quite religious.

I was 30 at the time (boomerang child).

@Flowers500

Yeah so the BF is definitely going to think you're a giant homophobe and there will be a 0% chance of him wanting anything to do with you.

Actually the more I think about it, if I were the BF I would not be staying at all with you if I knew this in advance. I would feel deeply uncomfortable staying with people I worried were homophobic, and even more uncomfortable thinking about you thinking about my sex life. By not just treating them like a couple you're seemingly making a point about their sex lives that just feels uncomfortable and unnecessary.

So I guess what I'm saying is it didn't do me any harm, I'm sure they can manage to contain themselves. Plus there's a certain frisson of excitement in the sneaking around...

Apart of preserving their virginity, WTAF is the point of forcing couples to sleep in separate beds/bedrooms?

As they are a same sex couple, this is even worse, your insistence to make them sleep in separate beds shows, in an underhanded way, that you are NOT ok with his relationship. You may not intend it, but that’s how it comes across.

Honestly, stop the nonsense, this may make them feel like they would be better off spending Christmas from now on with the parents of your son’s boyfriend.

And yeah, my parents made my fiancé sleep in a separate bedroom when he first came to visit but so what??? That was more than 20 years ago!

I can see this might tricky if you only have 2 single beds available. If that's the case it's OK. If there is a convenient double I'd let them share it.

I find this absolutely bizarre??? They're adults, why would you make them sleep in separate beds? I can think of no reason. I'm 27, so one year older than one of them, and I am literally married. Am I too young to share a bed with my partner?

I'm sure your DH knows your DS and his BF are having sex by now.

I don’t think it’s fair to have one rule for one and another for someone else.

My DB was allowed girlfriends to stay over from teenage years but even after I left home and lived with my fiancé we weren’t allowed to share a room at my parents. Total double standards. I’ve always resented it.