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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make ds (23) and his boyfriend (26) sleep in separate beds?

408 replies

hypeg · 22/12/2021 23:35

We have ds and his boyfriend coming tomorrow for Christmas. We’ve met the boyfriend once over lunch, and he is lovely.

Dh wants them to sleep in separate rooms. Now obviously when they are in their own city they must share a bed as they stay over at each other’s places.

But when our dd had her then boyfriend stay for Christmas when she was 21, we made them sleep in separate beds then. Our parents agree as they were not married, but did say things seem very different today.

OP posts:
StarlightLady · 23/12/2021 03:46

Enjoy your Christmas because l doubt if they will ever spend another one with you. How sad! Please think again.

PrincessNutella · 23/12/2021 03:46

Adult men don't have to visit their parents. They are doing you a favor when they do so. So it makes sense to treat them with the same respect you would treat any other adult guests. Would you require other adults who are in relationships to sleep in separate rooms?

BigGermanSausage · 23/12/2021 04:03

You're being incredibly unreasonable.
No matter though. If you do this, I doubt they will come for Christmas ever again. The boyfriends parents will get every single Christmas for the rest of their relationship.

MilitantFaucet · 23/12/2021 04:11

I don’t make my 17yo daughter’s boyfriend (of 18 months) sleep in a separate room ffs how ridiculous! Once they know this is the arrangement you risk ruining your relationship with them.

CJsGoldfish · 23/12/2021 04:23

Adults are treated like adults in my home 🤷‍♀️

BuffyFanForever · 23/12/2021 04:29

Seems only fair if that was the rule for your daughter. When I brought my gf (now wife) for Christmas we had to sleep in separate beds Will we were married. It’s a fair rule if that’s the rule for everyone.

LagunaBubbles · 23/12/2021 04:36

Couples can forgo sex for a few nights when staying with relatives surely

Why assume they would be having sex just because they would be sharing a bed?

garlictwist · 23/12/2021 04:40

This is absurd. Of course they should share a bed! As for waiting for marriage, I only know about two couples that are married (I'm 40) the rest of us are living in sin and have been happy to do so for many years. This isn't the 1950s.

Mummyoflittledragon · 23/12/2021 04:48

That would be really cringe. My mother tried to do this to dh and me with dh, then dp, who had moved countries to be with me. Dh point blank refused, looking back it was so funny.

StFrancisdeCompostela · 23/12/2021 04:50

Do you have a problem with their relationship and the fact that they have sex?

Seems really bizarre tbh

Sitchervice · 23/12/2021 05:03

This happened to my husband and I. We married three years ago. We were 26 and 28. I respected my parents choice. Plus not going to lie I was kind of nice being able to spread out in the bed on my own 🤣

What I hated was it was a different rule for my sister.

DisforDarkChocolate · 23/12/2021 05:04

I just think it's daft to separate them. These are two adults, their sex life is none of my business.

FindingMeno · 23/12/2021 05:11

I think you run a risk if you don't apply the same rules to ds that you applied to dd.
It wouldn't be my rule, but it's already in place in your household..I would be clear about the reason ( ie fairness)

Iwab82 · 23/12/2021 05:24

I think once your children are living adult lives away from home you treat them as you would with any other adult that visits your home. Would you make another unmarried couple visiting have different rooms?

Looubylou · 23/12/2021 05:34

I would allow to share but I would hope that my son was brought up to respect us and our house and refrain from having sex. Sharing a bed is not the same as having sex.

Twillow · 23/12/2021 05:38

Your house your rules but they're an adult couple, I wouldn't separate them.

miltonj · 23/12/2021 05:42

I don't suppose they will want to come back that much if you do.

redbigbananafeet · 23/12/2021 05:47

@hypeg

We have ds and his boyfriend coming tomorrow for Christmas. We’ve met the boyfriend once over lunch, and he is lovely.

Dh wants them to sleep in separate rooms. Now obviously when they are in their own city they must share a bed as they stay over at each other’s places.

But when our dd had her then boyfriend stay for Christmas when she was 21, we made them sleep in separate beds then. Our parents agree as they were not married, but did say things seem very different today.

I'm 38 and my parented is 42, unmarried. If we were coming to stay would you make us sleep in separate beds? Or is it only your adult offspring's sex life you want to control? I'd be prepared for them not to come or certainly limit contact if you do. Tell your husband the art adults and laugh. As for your parents that's even creepier that they are trying to be involved in their grandchildren's sex lives.
A580Hojas · 23/12/2021 05:51

Of course unreasonable! You really have to ask? And what the heck have your parents got to do with it?

PigletInABlanketJohn · 23/12/2021 05:57

If you are planning to treat them like children, be sure to warn them beforehand so they can book into a hotel, or not come.

bert3400 · 23/12/2021 06:02

I can not believe this...wow how controlling of you . She is 23 years old and an adult, would you treat another unmarried couple the same if they stayed in your house or just your daughter? Confusedq

bert3400 · 23/12/2021 06:07

Sorry DS not daughter, same applies. They are adults

WutheringHeights66 · 23/12/2021 06:14

Unless she has the habit of bringing home random men to meet you I would let them share.

IME, only serious not and girlfriends made it over the threshold so I let them share. On,y once did a random ONS appear in my house and DS never ever ever did it again. 🤬

Momijin · 23/12/2021 06:17

He's an adult so it is up to him and not you to decide.

My ex Fiance's parents didn't let us sleep together except when they had guests and needed the spare room. I wasn't bothered tbh but found it funny that they knew we lived together (shared a house at uni) and that when their guest room was being used, it was ok to sleep together. But they are from a different generation when sex before marriage was taboo. It no longer is and I'm guessing you're not in your 80s

Shoxfordian · 23/12/2021 06:17

Seems stupid to make adults do that