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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make ds (23) and his boyfriend (26) sleep in separate beds?

408 replies

hypeg · 22/12/2021 23:35

We have ds and his boyfriend coming tomorrow for Christmas. We’ve met the boyfriend once over lunch, and he is lovely.

Dh wants them to sleep in separate rooms. Now obviously when they are in their own city they must share a bed as they stay over at each other’s places.

But when our dd had her then boyfriend stay for Christmas when she was 21, we made them sleep in separate beds then. Our parents agree as they were not married, but did say things seem very different today.

OP posts:
Thatldo · 23/12/2021 21:32

Is this a wind up?Are you for real.they are both adults and not 15!!!

Thirtytimesround · 23/12/2021 21:34

If DD wasn’t allowed to bedshare with her lover at age 21, why is it ok for her brother to share with his lover at age 23?

I think you should treat them the same. But then I would have let DD bedshare at age 21 😬

KurtWildesChristmasNamechange · 23/12/2021 21:35

@beansprout55

If you had that rule for your DD you must have it for your DS. You can make that point to your son so he's not offended - he'll get it and probably expect it!!
Rubbish. I learned I got some things wrong when parenting my older DC and rectified them for my younger DC. I apologised to the older ones and (because they're not petty) they completely understood that parenting is a learning curve and we do sometimes get it wrong!
Thirtytimesround · 23/12/2021 21:35

Ps I’ve been with DH 15 years and his parents still put us in different rooms when we visit them 🤣 I think they just can’t stand the thought of sex in their house.

Tiredtiredtired100 · 23/12/2021 21:49

My parents had the rule that until we were married or living together we couldn’t share a bed with our partners. It really angered me as my brothers both moved in with their GFs quickly, but I couldn’t share with my longer term boyfriend. I stopped going home so much and have never bought any subsequent partners home to stay.

I think you ought to let them share and if/when your daughter gets annoyed, say that you realise your attitude when she was younger was different but that you now see it was not a productive one.

SimpsonsXmasBoogie · 23/12/2021 21:56

What is the reason for your DH wanting them to sleep in separate rooms?

If we know that then maybe we can understand him better, because right now he just sounds like a weirdo who has strange but strong feelings about his adult children's sex lives.

Meatshake · 24/12/2021 00:04

@Ellowyn

We never had to tell our son to sleep in a separate room from his guests when he had girlfriends stay over. He was just polite enough to know he probably shouldn't be shagging girls in the room across the hall from his parents. We never said a word to him. He just knew, so did the girls.

While they were getting their own house built, my son's fiancée stayed here for 6 months - in another room.. Now they are in their own house.

Btw; we live in the middle of nowhere that was why he had so many people staying over.

I'm not sure what's weirder, this happening or being proud enough to post about it?

I feel like your son is less old fashioned, more a recipient of inherited sexual hang ups.

Wonder if they do it through a hole in a sheet now they're married?

SocialConnection · 24/12/2021 00:31

You may find treating grown men as irresponsible kids may lead to them reducing the number and length of their visits to you. DS's partner may feel resented, unwanted, DS feel upset his partner and their relationship are not accepted, etc.

And your DD is not a kid either so if necessary you could always explain you've moved with the times in your thinking and your attitude has evolved. If she asks.

HeartShapedBox · 24/12/2021 01:11

The sun's running this on fb now 🙄🙄

mm40 · 24/12/2021 01:18

@HeartShapedBox

The sun's running this on fb now 🙄🙄
Yes…. But they’ve got it wrong….

They’ve got DD bringing BF rather than DS bringing BF

www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/17124221/daughter-bringing-boyfriend-home-christmas-separate-beds/

HeartShapedBox · 24/12/2021 01:31

I didn't even read it, just glanced at the headline as I scrolled

Mummyoflittledragon · 24/12/2021 05:40

@YungWaffle

Your son is not going getting pregnant out of wedlock. A homosexual relationship is not the same as a heterosexual one. There is no need to act as if they are exactly equivalent imo. If you just don't want your offspring having sex under your roof that's also fine. Just say that.
That hadn’t even occurred to me.

The sun article is crap not to mention homophobic.

malificent7 · 24/12/2021 06:03

Pmsl that modern parents make their adult kids sleep in separate beds from partners. Is your dh struggling to accept your son's sexuality?

malificent7 · 24/12/2021 06:43

Well this thread is lazy journalism at its best.

malificent7 · 24/12/2021 06:45

The couple in the sun is heterosexual.Confused

HelloDulling · 24/12/2021 06:56

Do you want to make your son’s guest feel welcome? And for your son to continue to bring this man, and possibly other boyfriends further down the line, to visit?

The way you treat them will have a direct impact on how much you see of your son in the coming years.

AnotherOneWithNoGoodName · 24/12/2021 06:59

I wonder why the Sun made the couple heterosexual?
Not able to comment on it to ask!

lisaandalan · 24/12/2021 06:59

If you made your daughter you will have to make them, it's unfair otherwise. X

amoosee · 24/12/2021 08:09

Well, given that the OP hasn't come back...

Topseyt · 24/12/2021 08:49

@lisaandalan

If you made your daughter you will have to make them, it's unfair otherwise. X
No, you don't. You apologise to the daughter for being so batshit in the first place and allow both to now share beds with their partners going forward.
KurtWildesChristmasNamechange · 24/12/2021 10:16

@lisaandalan

If you made your daughter you will have to make them, it's unfair otherwise. X
Don't be so silly. These are grown adults we're talking about. I'm assuming the DD is older than the DS so a simple apology for being so ridiculous and a hands up yeah we got that wrong, is all that's required.
Original poster
hypeg · 24/12/2021 15:02

Thank you for all the replies, I’ve just got through them. To clarify, it’s my dh who wants to keep the rule of separate beds, not me.

OP posts:
Original poster
hypeg · 24/12/2021 15:04

Firstly I can’t fathom why The Sun has picked this thread up. Secondly, why have they changed my son into a daughter?

Is the journalist uncomfortable with my son having a boyfriend?

This stinks of homophobia

OP posts:
LaChristmasBella · 24/12/2021 18:54

@hypeg

Firstly I can’t fathom why The Sun has picked this thread up. Secondly, why have they changed my son into a daughter?

Is the journalist uncomfortable with my son having a boyfriend?

This stinks of homophobia

The Sun is homophobic, racist and misogynistic.
Helpstopthepain · 24/12/2021 20:55

@hypeg

Firstly I can’t fathom why The Sun has picked this thread up. Secondly, why have they changed my son into a daughter?

Is the journalist uncomfortable with my son having a boyfriend?

This stinks of homophobia

Probably nicer for your son that they have tbh!