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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make ds (23) and his boyfriend (26) sleep in separate beds?

408 replies

hypeg · 22/12/2021 23:35

We have ds and his boyfriend coming tomorrow for Christmas. We’ve met the boyfriend once over lunch, and he is lovely.

Dh wants them to sleep in separate rooms. Now obviously when they are in their own city they must share a bed as they stay over at each other’s places.

But when our dd had her then boyfriend stay for Christmas when she was 21, we made them sleep in separate beds then. Our parents agree as they were not married, but did say things seem very different today.

OP posts:
furbabymama87 · 23/12/2021 16:00

Imagine being an adult and not being able to cuddle your partner in bed at Christmas. Yabu.

Besswess88 · 23/12/2021 16:04

I had 2 children by the time I was 23, 3 by the time I was 26.

Utter madness.

ShiftingSands21 · 23/12/2021 16:07

Is there something actually wrong with having sex in your parents’ house? There seems to be an underlying assumption even for some people who think sharing a bed is fine that this aspect would be an issue. Being loud or something ok
that makes sense. But otherwise this seems like something that surely happens all the time. So many people are stuck living with their parents for years given property prices and all that it seems quite unworkable to take issue with it.

Broads93 · 23/12/2021 16:08

@ChiefWiggumsBoy

Some of you sound really petty. You’d really cancel because your parents asked you to stay in a separate room from your boy/girlfriend?!

It’s not weird or creepy or ridiculous - OP has the right to draw the line at what she is comfortable with in her own home.

Yea maybe her and her husband do need to examine why they feel the need to have them in separate rooms when they’re happy their son is in a committed relationship. But that’s for them to do and decide - she came here for opinions not for people to make out like she’s going to cause irreparable harm to her family ffs Hmm

Homophobia within the family is irreparable. If they were a straight couple of the same ages neither parent would have a problem with them sharing a room, but the dad seems to clearly have a problem with the son being in a homosexual relationship, social homophobia at its finest. If you think this is correct then you're guilty of it too.
ChateauxNeufDePoop · 23/12/2021 16:13

@Ellowyn

We have lots of fully furnished spare bedrooms and so sharing a bed is not at all necessary

What's necessary got to do with it? We're talking about a loving adult relationship. Do you and you DP sleep apart cos you have lots of rooms?

quitefranklyabsurd · 23/12/2021 16:15

Treat them like the grown ups they are and let them share a bed. Also Less washing!

Theyulelog · 23/12/2021 16:30

I doubt they will be having sex in your house. Maybe it’s just me but I would feel uncomfortable doing it in the in laws house.

They are there to spend Xmas with you and your family, not to have a sex fest in the bedroom.
I think they would be mortified if you split them up like uncontrollable teenagers.

bantuknots73 · 23/12/2021 17:18

I really don't know why people post on here once and never come back, it's so annoying!

Thepineapplemystery · 23/12/2021 18:24

@bantuknots73

I really don't know why people post on here once and never come back, it's so annoying!
Shots and giggles usually. Or hairy hands.
Thepineapplemystery · 23/12/2021 18:24

*shits obvs.

bluejelly · 23/12/2021 18:32

We have similar age adult children and their partners are all welcome to stay and share beds. They are not children.

BlackCatz · 23/12/2021 18:52

@Ellowyn

We never had to tell our son to sleep in a separate room from his guests when he had girlfriends stay over. He was just polite enough to know he probably shouldn't be shagging girls in the room across the hall from his parents. We never said a word to him. He just knew, so did the girls.

While they were getting their own house built, my son's fiancée stayed here for 6 months - in another room.. Now they are in their own house.

Btw; we live in the middle of nowhere that was why he had so many people staying over.

Imagine treating your son's and their fiancé's like literal children 😩.
BlackCatz · 23/12/2021 18:53

Fiancée's*

hookiewookie29 · 23/12/2021 18:56

My son is 23 and his boyfriend is 28. They live together. I wouldn't dream of making them sleep separately.

flossletsfloss · 23/12/2021 19:13

No I would let them share at that age!

MimosaFields · 23/12/2021 19:17

My parents tried that many years ago, and I simply didn't visit. They eventually changed their mind. I think you are being ridiculous

Thepineapplemystery · 23/12/2021 20:02

What if they choose to never marry? If they've been together for many years. Will they still have to sleep separately?

Roundeartheratchriatmas · 23/12/2021 20:04

I asked that pineapple - no one came up with an answer.

ManicPixie · 23/12/2021 20:07

Seems totally ridiculous to me, OP.

HarrisMcCoo · 23/12/2021 20:11

As consenting adults, let them be.

riromay · 23/12/2021 20:27

This must be a troll! No one is so backwards

Simonjt · 23/12/2021 21:01

@riromay

This must be a troll! No one is so backwards
You’ve not met my so called parents!
beansprout55 · 23/12/2021 21:07

If you had that rule for your DD you must have it for your DS. You can make that point to your son so he's not offended - he'll get it and probably expect it!!

ChequerBoard · 23/12/2021 21:16

@beansprout55

If you had that rule for your DD you must have it for your DS. You can make that point to your son so he's not offended - he'll get it and probably expect it!!

How does that follow? I was a dick to you sister so I'm going to be a dick to you too?

Alternatively, OP could show that she has reflected and learned to be a bit more flexible.

Sleepyquest · 23/12/2021 21:18

I wouldn't be having sex at my in laws or parents on Xmas day anyway! YABU